the best hot cocoa EVER.

(I have my friend dani, and our mutual love of pinterest to thank for this incredible pot of hot goodness.  thanks dani!!!)

christmas break finds our little family staying inside and spending a lot of time together.

(I started to wonder if it was too much time this year.  can you say drama?)

when evening comes, you can usually find three little girls who are in need of a snack (read: they are “starving”), and I could take a little sweet something or other as well.

I found this recipe, through a friend’s pin on pinterest, and knew I had to make it.  I am pretty sure it was the can of sweetened condensed milk that convinced me.  you can take that to mean either that it has sweetened condensed milk in it, or that I get to lick the can clean.  whichever. take your pick.

(but I did get lynn hooked on it, so there.)

I apologize for no picture, but if you can imagine a cup of melted chocolate (plus that sweetened condensed milk, please don’t forget that, whatever you do!!!), some whipped cream on top, and angels singing, you got it.

now I say it is the best because merrill likes it!!

merrill calls most cocoa “hot caca”.  and if you remember anything from junior high spanish, you will recall that “caca” is not good.

but let’s be honest, the kid doesn’t like green olives (?!?) and he usually sleeps diagonally in bed.  he has a few issues.  (we can go into those later.)

I changed it a tiny bit, because the first time I made it, I used the bittersweet chocolate chips and it was “too rich” for some people’s taste.  so the second time around I used milk chocolate instead.

here’s the link.

here’s the recipe:

Polar Express Hot Chocolate (aka the BEST hot chocolate you've ever tasted) Recipe:

--1.5 cups of heavy cream

--1 can of sweetened condensed milk (14 oz)

--2 cups of bittersweet chocolate chips

--6 cups of milk

--1 tsp vanilla extract

In a large pot over low heat, combine all of the above ingredients.  Stir regularly for 30-40 minutes until chocolate is fully melted and incorporated with other ingredients. 

this was perfect to have in the evening and cover it, stick it in the fridge and then warm it up the next morning to have with breakfast.  or FOR breakfast.

seriously the best EVER.

thor

merrill and I come from some pretty tight-knit families.  well, our moms’ sides at least.  both of our moms come from big families (my mom is one of 7 merrill’s mom is one of 9), and we still see the majority of all of those cousins.

it gets kind of confusing when you refer to someone as your “cousin-in-law”.  so we just call each other “cousin”.

so this is my cousin (merrill’s cousin), and her baby.

beautiful story of a couple who tries and tries and tries for a baby, and 9 years later, when they have basically given up, are surprised.

he is such a wonderful surprise!

such a sweetie…  I loved how happy he was, his many expressions, and his silly little tongue!

                 

so happy I got to see you carrie and take shots of this sweetie!

one of those “assess and improve” times.

last year (feels weird to type that out), I did some assessing, and decided to make some changes.  now this happened to be one of those times when I saw something wasn’t working and I needed to fix it, instead of waiting and making it a new year’s resolution (bleh!), I made it a goal right then and there.

now, I cannot take full credit for this change.  someone who I am very blessed to know and have in my life, was inspired to share some information with me, and that information was just what I needed to hear at just the right time.

three girls is something that I never dreamed I would have to deal with.  for some reason, I thought I would have boys.  maybe one girl, after all, that pattern seemed to work out pretty awesomely for my mom and dad.  I never really got along with girls.  I found them to be a little too dramatic and catty for my taste.  I got along just fine with boys, and my brothers were my best friends.  if I had the choice, to play with a girl friend in my neighborhood, or to hang out and play g.i. joes with my brothers, I would pick playing with my brothers.

don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being a girl, I like to do some girlie things, but to be surrounded by girls?  not exactly something I thought I could handle.

so you might be able to imagine the shock when I was told I was having a girl the first time around.  I was so sure little lynn was going to be a boy.  (I still have little boy clothes with tags on them, in my cedar chest, that is how certain I was that I was going to have boys.)  then, there came ashley.  I was hoping for a boy, because I was freaked out (!!!) about having a second girl.  how would a mother daughter-daughter relationship work out with two girls?!  but we adapted, and really couldn’t picture life any other way.  the fact that peyton was yet another girl, seemed to come as no surprise.  if we were to have one more (just one more merrill?!?) we would most definitely want another girl.  we have a system established here.

but as the years have come and gone, the drama has seemed to increase.  life progressing certainly doesn’t help in that area.  with progression came school, homework, extra-curricular activities, friends, different personalities developing, and lots of emotion associated with them all.

now, I’ve always known that I take after my dad more than I do my mom, so it seemed as though the patience thing just wasn’t in me.  oh, I tried, and usually failed miserably by the end of the day.  I prayed, I fasted, how I tried!!!

this last year, it seemed that the volume to life in our home was always set to yell, and I was the one yelling.  I hated it.

again, there were the attempts to change, but I always fell to my old ways, not that it worked and provided the results I desired.  I think the girls became experts at ignoring me which only made me yell louder.

I was not the kind of mother I wanted to be.

it was the day after ashley’s birthday.  I went out to play volleyball with friends and have some much needed time out of the house.  I was feeling like a horrible mom.  there was a constant prayer in my head and in my heart, pleading to be better, to find something that would help me.

that is where my inspired friend comes in.

sometimes, after a physically exerting game of volleyball (hahaha…), we would leave and go get ourselves a cold treat.  (frosties at wendy’s are the best.  try a chocolate frosty float with orange soda.  really.  you are welcome.)  that night, we were having our treat, talking about things that were going on in our lives, doing what good friends do best, listening and supporting.  she had just attended a parenting conference and was telling me about some of the techniques they discussed.  this was what I needed to hear.

no yelling.  speak slow and low.  don’t toss out punishments or consequences with anger or emotion, think about them for a while.  find the best, fool-proof one and stick to it!  let consequences happen.  don’t rescue your kids.  take deep breaths.  lots of deep breaths.

so many more things were said, and it was just what I needed.

I promised myself that from that point on I would not yell at my girls.

I haven’t yelled (out of anger) since that day.  That was three months ago.

the girls listen to me now.  they take me more seriously, because I sound sane.

I have yelled, to call them to dinner, stuff like that, but never out of anger.  when I yell for those things, they listen to me!!  I get a response!

while I was painting peyton’s room, she was admiring my handiwork and backed-up in awe towards the wet wall.  when I yelled her name, to get her attention, so she wouldn’t pinkify her clothes, she ran to me.  see, they listen now that yelling isn’t a part of their everyday existence.

what is even more amazing to me, is how easy it has been.  yelling is no longer my first reaction to any situation.

I have taken such deep breaths, I have nearly lost consciousness. 

I have rolled my eyes (while my back was turned, of course!) so far that they have nearly gone up inside my head.

I have talked so slowly, and so lowly, I swear they have stopped breathing to better hear me.

my punishments are so well thought out and calculated, my children are actually fearful of consequences.

ashley has always been the one to push the limits when it comes to my threats.  she questions every single detail.  she learned a lesson the hard way one sunday.

she was being a complete stink.  merrill was home with peyton who wasn’t feeling well, so it was me, playing single mom at church and ashley was misbehaving.  I have a problem with certain behavior in the chapel and will not put up with it so she was warned to cut it out.  if she didn’t, we would clean out her room when we got home.  I would leave only her bed and clothing in her room.  but she pushed it.

(mind you the kid just had a birthday!!  birthday = lots of new, super fun stuff.)

“will you leave my light?  will you leave my curtains?”  a little giggle was added after each question.  “will you leave me door?  what about my carpet?”  I warned her again to stop, and she didn’t, so we left and sat in the foyer where she continued. 

“seriously, will I have a light mom?”

she thought she was hilarious.

I warned her again, that if she kept it up, we would go home where she would have to sit in her empty room for the same amount of time that we would have been in sacrament meeting, and I didn’t want to go home without taking the sacrament.

but because she likes to push it, she kept it up.

now I had a choice: I could let her continue to act this way, and ignore it, not follow through with my punishment of having her sit in her empty room for the duration of sacrament meeting, or I could follow through, take her home, make her sit in her empty room for and hour and stare at all the emptiness.

I stuck to it.  she did not want to go.  we went down that hall, lynn leading out, me dragging ashley as she promised and cried that she would be good.  she begged and pleaded as I nearly pulled her arm out of its socket.  once we were outside, I lugged her up onto my hip and carried her like a sack of very uncooperative potatoes.

she was afraid now.  pretty sure she regretted her earlier behavior.

once we were home, I made her sit on the stairs as she watched me, merrill, lynn, and peyton, clean out her room and take everything downstairs to one of the unfinished bedrooms.  trip after trip past her with her beloved belongings, her face progressively fell sadder and sadder.  then, she got to sit in that empty room for an hour and fifteen minutes.  at the end of her sentence, I went in and explained to her just what she did, what consequence I laid out, and how I followed through with it.  I also explained to her that she would have chances to earn back her belongings everyday.

if she got out of bed without protesting and got ready for school without me nagging her, she would get to pick out one of her belongings.

if she came home from school, got her homework done without complaining, she would get to pick out another.

if she behaved well the rest of the evening, following rules, respecting others, and getting ready for bed without problems, she would get to pick out a third item before bedtime.

if she did other things that were pleasing during the day, there would be more chances to retrieve her belongings.

that first night, she had the chance to earn two belongings back, and I picked that number purposefully.  I knew she would want a doll or stuffed animal to sleep with, and I knew she would most definitely want her music to fall asleep to.  merrill and I would be the judges of how many she got to pick out.  she needed to be respectful of others for the rest of the evening (one) and get ready for bed without complaint (two).

she only earned one, because the kid has issues with boundaries, so she was sad to only have a doll to snuggle and no music. 

the next day, you know she was doing everything she was expected to do, and the first thing she picked out of the basement was her cd player.

she still has stuff to earn back out of that basement, and that is because I am sticking to it! 

I am so proud of myself.

I am not doing it alone, I pray for help everyday.  it is a huge help though, that I made the decision to change.

I also have to credit that one amazing friend, who shared what she had learned, not even knowing how awful I felt about where I was.  she was truly inspired.

the spirit in our home is not always the best, we all still need to improve how we react, but it is so much better.

it feels so good to not yell.

an update on the painfully obvious.

so I believe we have already established the fact that merrill does not like the obviously stated.

(remember?  he doesn’t like it.)

but I certainly cannot help myself.

I believe I smell a terrific april fool’s joke.

about them eggs…

they were very anticipated.

we didn’t make it to midnight.

(didn’t want to!)

and they were harder to crack that I thought.  a little pain, offense, then revenge was experienced.

(don’t be jealous of peyton’s bedtime get-up.  I know you want one just like it.)

here’s the infliction of the pain:

evidence of the pain and trust me, she’s a little offended here.

and here would be the wind-up for the revenge whack:

hope your new year is as awesome as ours is already.

the whole bushman family

so I am used to the smaller lot of the bushman clan.  used to bribing one of the wee ones with suckers, but this was (almost) the whole gang, and it was cold, but it was fun.  I must say that the cold lent to some pretty awesome frost that had the normally not so cute foliage looking spectacular.

        

and, well, let’s be completely honest, this is why I like to take pictures of the bushman family:

love ya nat!!

the 2012 outlook.

**before I really get into this post, I have to say that the information in italics  is all in fun, just a joke, not serious, playful in fashion, not in any way sincere, totally in jest.  I am not full of myself nor do I think I am awesome (all the time).  it was just a funny story, and a great lead-off into the things I would like to do in the year to come.  okay?  so don’t go reading on and get all huffy and call me a snob.  I am only kidding.**

(imagine that this picture is in italics, kay?)

it was suggested in our sacrament meeting on sunday, to write your goals (or resolutions, if you prefer) on a 3x5 card, and tape them to the mirror as a way to help you to remember them everyday.  I just happened to be sitting next to my best friend (who appreciates my sense of humor) and suggested to her that we had nothing to resolve this year, nothing that needed improving. 

“we might as well go home and write, ‘continue being awesome’ on our 3x5 card.”

that earned a giggle.

we listened to this particular speaker end the meeting and I said, “okay, let’s go home and write our resolution on our card!”

right after that, the opening chords of our closing hymn were played by the organist.

you’ll never guess what our closing hymn was.

“be thou humble”.

“is this a sign?”  I was sincerely worried.  but only a little.

so I am not one to necessarily believe in “resolutions”.  I prefer the word “goals” and I also prefer this “self-improvement” process to be an on-going one, not one that happens once a year.

(apparently I prefer quotation marks as well.)

there are many things I find that I need to improve upon throughout the course of the year, and as I discover those things, I readjust as needed.  but there are things I would like to accomplish within the course of that same year, and make those my goals. 

I prefer not to set outlandish goals, things that will set me up to fail, things that will be entirely out of my control, like “win the lottery”.  yeah, cause I have all power there.

I set realistic goals, things that I am truly interested and personally invested in, things I know I can do, and things in which I will have the support of my family and friends.

for example: I will never set a goal to not eat sugar.  that is too unrealistic for me.  I will also be lacking in the “support of my best friend” area, because that is something we enjoy doing together.  dude, I am so not sacrificing good times with my best friend, oh, and I don’t wanna quit sugar.  do I look that crazy?  I so wouldn’t last a day.  nope.  not a single day.

instead, I set a goal to eat sugar every day.  that way, I win.  every day.  and if I don’t, well, I really don’t feel like a failure.

so this year, for the very beginning of the year, I have two things (because small is so manageable) that I have set out to accomplish.

- crochet school.

- get better acquainted with my new camera friend.

okay, so somebody might look at me and say I already know something about both of those things.  yup, I do.  and I enjoy them, and I can get better at both!

see, they are things I like.  so there’s my motivation.  and like I said earlier, there is always room for improvement (no matter how awesome you are).  and they are totally realistic. 

I will most likely add to this list as time goes on.  so the fun is guaranteed to continue. 

I decided long ago that I was done looking at everything I hadn’t accomplished the year before, almost taking inventory of my failures, and starting the year trying to be something that I obviously really didn’t want to be, and hating every second of it, feeling every inch of failuredom (totally invented a word, should have put “invent a new word” on that list) and feeling like a sucky horrible person every day I didn’t do what I thought I might just pull off.

I also learned to not make those lists too long.  crazy long lists are also motivation killers. 

last thing I want on my hands is a murder.

so there you have it.  I have picked the things that I am genuinely interested in, have motivation to further my skills and knowledge, and I am excited!  so they won’t take a year to do, but I am guaranteed to grow during the process.

so go ahead, give yourself permission to go and be awesome this year.

(and if you are interested in crochet school, you should do it with me.  I dare you!)