Don't shoot the messenger..

I am composing this post as a follow-up to this post.. primarily in response to a particular comment.
I published that post for two reasons.
1- To be a voice. In a world where it seems the majority is not embracing what my values are, instead in opposition of them, I felt I needed to voice what I believe. We will be held accountable if we stand by and do nothing, say nothing, and not stand up for what we believe in, no matter how un-popular it may be. (Think of Miss California!!)
2- For my children.. and grandchildren.. and great-grandchildren, and so on.. I want this to stand as a record, an accurate one of who I was, what I believed. I blog primarily for them. Not for an audience (although I am totally aware that there is one).
While I enjoy comments from the blogging world, I don't say the things I say for praise, admiration, or to "stir it up". I don't do it to be contentious.
I in no way, wanted to come off as if I were telling people what they should do. My family plan doesn't apply to everyone. That's why Heavenly Father answers prayers individually, gives us the blessing of personal revelation.
I stated my personal experience, what decision me and my husband came to for our family, and presented quotes from a prophet of God that helped to guide us in our decision.
Some took it one way. Others took it another way. It wasn't designed to be judgmental, or to hurt feelings.
But I find it interesting, that counsel from our prophets comes directly from a loving Heavenly Father, who desires only for our happiness. I am here to testify, that when we abide by the counsels given, we are happy. Sometimes it isn't easy, but it is always, most certainly worth it.
I think the key word in President Kimball's quotes that impacted me the most, was "necessary".
I know of some who have personal issues, and getting out of their home for a few hours every week has been prescribed by a therapist. Others find themselves in situations out of their control, where they must go outside of the home to find work to support their family.
There are others, who do it for "fun"(?), to "get away", who do it to pay for the un-necessary.
I have an awesome sister-in-law (doubly awesome :D) who works to pay for health and dental care for their family.
But I am not judging what is necessity and what isn't..

My mother stayed at home.
I was oblivious to the sacrifices she and my dad made for us; I was a child. They never made a big deal out of the fact that she stayed at home. They just did it.
I didn't really grasp what it took for her to stay at home.
When I got married, and was responsible for grocery shopping and preparing meals, it hit me.
Top Ramen is about 8 cents a package.
Dry pinto beans are somewhere in the 50 cent range.
Jiffy cornbread mix is 44 cents (I know because I use a lot of it.. hooked from childhood, I guess.).
These were commonly our meals. They were cheap.
Mom & dad very rarely got anything for each other for Christmas, they put all they had into us. My mom now tells me that she would cry most Christmas Eves, worried that we would find our gifts inadequate; she always wished they could give us more.
But my mother stayed at home. She could have gone to work, we could have had awesome meals, some really extravagant gifts! But to my parents, abiding by the council (not a commandment) of the prophet, her staying at home was more important than these things.
I cannot even recollect what I got every year for Christmas.
I can recollect my mom being home everyday after school. Being there when she answered my phone call from school telling her I wasn't feeling well. I can recall everyday, all that she taught me, everyday.
I am blessed because of her choice. My family today, is blessed by her choice, by her example. She has touched so many others' lives through her service.

It all comes down to agency and our personal situation.
Some HAVE to.
Others WANT to.
We will be judged for the intents of our heart, not necessarily by our actions.
I honestly do not know what I would do, if my family found ourselves in a situation where it was necessary for me to go to work. I know it would take faith to do it. I applaud those women out there who sacrifice in that way, to do what is necessary for their family, and for their own situation.
To further prove that I didn't dream up plans of what's best for other families while I was riding on my high horse or that one instance when I was sunbathing on my soapbox (read the sarcasm).. here are some quotes that I found inspiring from other prophets that carry a similar message...

"Because the trend in society today is away from the values and principles the Lord has given us, you will almost certainly be called upon to defend that which you believe. Unless the roots of your testimony are firmly planted, it will be difficult for you to withstand the ridicule of those who challenge your faith. When firmly planted, your testimony of the gospel, of the Savior, and of our Heavenly Father will influence all that you do throughout your life. The adversary would like nothing better than for you to allow derisive comments and criticism of the Church to cause you to question and doubt. Your testimony, when constantly nourished, will keep you safe."

- President Thomas S. Monson

"Teach your children when they are very young and small, and never quit. As long as they are in your home, let them be your primary interest... God bless you, dear friends. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

"A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrificed, and one who has cared for, taught, and ministered to the needs of a child."

- President Howard W. Hunter

"God established that fathers are to preside in the home. Fathers are to provide, love, teach, and direct. A mother’s role is also God-ordained. Mothers are to conceive, bear, nourish, love, and train. They are to be helpmates and are to counsel with their husbands. There is no inequality between the sexes in God’s plan. It is a matter of division of responsibility."
"Because some parents have departed from the principles the Lord gave for happiness and success, many families throughout the world are undergoing great stress and trauma. Many parents have been enticed to abandon their responsibilities in the home to seek after an elusive “self-fulfillment.” Some have abdicated parental responsibilities for pursuit of material things, unwilling to postpone personal gratification in the interest of their children’s welfare."

- President Ezra Taft Benson

And a favorite of Merrill and mine:
"Tremendously important to the child's upbringing is the presence of Mother in the home. Of late years, mothers have left their homes to work in such numbers that the Church authorities are much concerned, and make a call to mothers, 'Come back home, Mothers, come back home.' We realize that there is an occasional mother who must go out to work. There are some mothers whose children are all reared, and who are thus free to work. But for mothers to leave children when there is not an absolute necessity is a hazardous thing. Generally, children just cannot grow up properly disciplined under babysitters, no matter how good these may be, as they can under a mother who loves them so much that she would die for them."

-President Spencer W. Kimball

We all do this, whether we work or stay at home.. we support one another as sisters, as women.. I don't say this to judge, but to explain my stance on this issue.
So there was the message.. I am just choosing to be the messenger.. I did not come up with the concept.
Please don't shoot me :)

I love being a mom...

"Each of you should be grateful to be a woman! Self-pity is always a sad thing to see, and especially when there is no justification for it. To be a righteous woman is a glorious thing in any age. To be a righteous woman during the winding-up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling."

I have been pondering over this for some time now.. I feel like I need to speak what is on my mind. And, well, this is how I feel, what I believe. I say this only because I feel like no one is speaking for the truth. So you won't find any apologies here.
The world seems to have something else to say.. about women, their roles, how they should mother, how many children they should bear, how long they should stay at home mothering their children..
Today's economy says enough on it's own. There are more families who feel it necessary to become a multiple income household. Just in case.

"No matter what you read or hear, no matter what the differences of circumstances you observe in the lives of women about you, it is important to understand that the Lord holds motherhood and mothers sacred and in the highest esteem."

With all of this "noise" going on all around me, I went to a book, and not just any old book. This is a book dad gave to me when I was pregnant with Lynn, and was being bombarded from all directions about these "details".
"You should work up until the day you go into labor."
"You should work so you can take full benefit of you maternity leave."
"You have family around.. they can help you so you can work after you have the baby."
But none of this was my plan. It never had been. This one detail was the biggest deal-breaker of a previous engagement.
I wanted to stay at home.
He didn't think it was the right thing to do.. (hhmmmm.. funny as this is what our prophets have admonished us to do...)
Lucky for me, Merrill wanted the same thing.
This book brought me comfort then, reassured me that my choice was correct, and it silences all of those outside voices now.

"One of the important messages that emerges from the history of great women in all ages is that they cared more for the future of their families than for their own comfort. Such good women had a grasp of what matters in life. "

I stay at home.
Sometimes, when I stop and think about it, it's kind of scary... and I am not talking about the dirty diapers and tantrums ;) I am talking about how, financially, this works. We haven't had a raise in pay since right before Lynn was born. We have had our medical benefits dropped, to where we cover them. Every child we have is an out-of-pocket expense.. those are exciting, yet very stressful times. Would me, going outside of our home to work, help ease this stress? It might; but cause only more...
But I believe in exercising faith. We are blessed. We make it.
I don't get a lot of extras. When I come to think of it, even the hobbies I enjoy "doing for myself", really are for the benefit of my family.
If the girls need new shoes, but I would like to replace the ones I have been wearing for the last five years, new shoes for the girls it is.
That's part of being a mother.
Sacrificing wants for needs.
Would I love a new car, a new home, a dream vacation? Of course. But at what cost?
My children, spending time with them, being the one to raise, nurture, and care for them, is what matters most to me. Not sending them off to pay someone to do it half-hearted for me.
So, some people might say, "What about the time for yourself? To find 'you'?"
I echo what President Kimball has said:
".. we can find ourselves only by losing ourselves."
Lose myself in serving my husband, my children, my neighbors, my friends, and my family. I have discovered so much about who I really am, when I shut out the world, the materialism, and concentrate and focus my efforts on others.
I am not saying that the loads of laundry don't seem monotonous, that I don't sneak off to the craft store after dinner is cleaned up and dad can take over for a bit.. I am saying it is all more than worth it.
I am making my home.

"It is true of all of us that, as we progress spiritually, our sense of belonging, identity, and self-worth increases."

Time for myself, whether I am blogging, scrapbooking, reading, or just relaxing, helps me to connect spiritually. Having that extra hour, maybe an hour and a half some days ;) before the girls wake up.. that helps the day go much better. I am able to center myself, prepare myself for the craziness that usually ensues.
I don't need to leave my home, place my children in the care of another, in order to "find myself".
Motherhood is full of experiences that allow for growth and self development... if you open yourself to it.

"It was never easy to bear and rear children, but easy things do not make for growth and development."

And there are days which I think I will never recover from.. but I do. I learn that I have strength to do more than I ever thought I would be able to.
I have many fears about motherhood. Some have been jumped over like a literal hurdle..
- nursing
- c-section
- relationships with more than one daughter (aahhhh!!!)
Point is, I knew who I was, I had an identity before I got married, before I had my own children. I learn more about myself everyday, through the eyes of my children.. we get to learn together. What a blessing!
I am thankful, to be blessed enough, that it isn't a necessity for me to leave my home, and my children, to go to work.
I know that there are many, who must, and my heart breaks for them. I have a good friend who would give anything to be in the position to be home with her children, to be there when they get home from school, to be there when they are ill. But she can't. She isn't working for the new car in the garage. For the mortgage.
It puts a smile on my face, makes my spirit soar when I hear my daughters' desires are to be mothers...

"We have grown strong as a people because our mothers and our women have been so selfless."

I hope my example, like those before me, and those great examples of womanhood that surround me, carry on.

(My quotes were taken from the book: "My Beloved Sisters" words spoken by President Spencer W. Kimball at two separate women's conferences in the 70's.. my how they still apply today!)

From the corridors of Mindy's brain...

I've been dong some thinking lately...
(Like that nice shot of my inner nose area.. I know, totally flattering...)
This whole private blogging thing...
I understand the need to go private.. I have been kicking the idea around for a LONG time now. Off and on, the need arises. Mom was soooo worried when I was preggers with Pey that some psycho would stalk me, somehow render me senseless, and give me a totally involuntary c-section and steal my cute baby girl.
I told her that I don't post info, especially specifics, until after the event has transpired. I try not to post too much information (unless it's about my children's bowel movements, questionable language, or my sex life ;)..) like addresses, details about where I hide my huge stash of cash... etc.
I have decided, for the time being to leave my blog open. But I totally understand why a lot of you are changing...
Let me explain why I am not...
Not saying I am awesome or anything.. but I am continuously drawn to the fact of the friendships that are made or strengthened through this outlet. Ally, I wouldn't even know you if it weren't for blogging! Look at all that I would be missing? I think of how many people need other people out there, who could benefit from the examples of others. I wouldn't want to close that door, even if there's the chance that some crazy yahoos might enter through that same door. Speaking of crazy yahoos, I have crazy friends who have moved away, I wouldn't have found them, and have been able to keep in touch without blogging.
I find blogging as a way to share my testimony... first of all, to have it recorded for my kids, and my grand kids, but to have it out there for others. Hopefully the influence is for the better... there will always be negative people out there, criticism is a part of life. I have had to take some every now and then, I don't crumble when some body leaves a negative comment. I am so oblivious most times, I don't even take it the way it was meant to be taken. If I don't like what someone has to say, I can always delete the comment, and then let everyone wonder what the comment said... ;)
Another reason, to connect with others. Old friends, new friends, potential friends...
How many homemakers/mother are out there, and have a not so good day? How many find another blogging homemaker/mother that can twist it into a positive, and helps you to remember that it is just a moment? To let it go? I have found that when my kids have gotten into something, or behave in a way that makes me want to scream, I think, "This is bloggable..." and my attitude towards my child and the situation changes, for the better.
At the risk of sounding totally naive, I believe that if some sicko out there wants either my personal information, or desires to stalk me, they will find a way to get it, or to get to me ( and good luck, I'd totally kick your ass(es).. 3 brothers, who taught me well, my 9mm..). Blogs were not the beginning of this kind of activity. We just have to be careful about what we post.
I personally have no beef posting pictures of my kids. I also am aware of freaks out there who would think certain thoughts when they see how cute my girls are. I am not going to bait them, I am not going to post pictures of my kids that I would not scrapbook. Fact is, people see my kids everyday out in public, I am not going to put a brown paper sack over their heads to hide them from everyday people, some who are the sickos aforementioned... I also cannot control the thought or feelings of people. I don't stay awake at night worrying about what the checker at the store was really thinking about Ashley when she said that naughty word...
Bottom line, we are here for each other. We share our talents, feelings, inner-most thoughts, joys, hardships, memories, laughs, but most of all, we share support. I love that when I am having a hard time, I get encouragement. I love it!
I cannot privatize my blog.
There might just be someone, someday, who might just need something that I might write... maybe.