late night/early morning randomness from one tired mom.

i am here, snuggling the world's cutest three yer old, typing one-handed, re-living my days of nursing this same child (but in infant form) and typing one-handedly taking those crazy/stupid facebook quizzes (like the one that told me i was captain kirk type nerd?).

(sshhhh! don't laugh too loud.  she's asleep now.)

the snuggling is a result of "scawy dweams".  she doesn't get past that, or the crying.  we are on night two (or is it three?  wow i am tired.) of this adventure.  all i really can do is snuggle and reassure, and pray.

apparently it is effective.

first thing this morning (like 7:30 this morning, which totally caught me off guard, by the way, mostly because i thought for sure she'd want to sleep in..) she woke me up, told me again about having a scary dream, to which i rather sleepily/grouchily responded, "i know.  that's why i am here, in your bed."  but she also added that being scared is silly because Heavenly Father protects us.

things always look better in the light of a new day, don't they?

"you know..."

i had to jot down this sweet moment that happened this morning when it was just me and peyton..
we were getting breakfast ready, she was being so sweet!  quietly playing dolls, being the sweetheart she is, i asked her if she wanted to bless the food.
now the kid has some fun prayers, i gotta say.
she prays about everything exciting that has happened since she can remember, and she prays for everything that will happen in the near future.
here's an example list:
- halloween
- trick or treating
- her desired costume (bo peep, again)
- christmas
- a new movie (or old one), she usually adds a favorite part or funny line.
- everything that has happened so far in the day (she told Heavenly Father about playing dolls this morning).
- lake powell
- disneyland
- if someone has offended her (name that sister!!)
today, the most anticipated activity was going out to grammie's to play with cousins and have a "water day".  water day usually consists of lunch, grammie's blow-up pool, shallow pool, sprinklers, and slip'n slide.  lunch is always included, cause grilled cheese and peanut butter always taste better when grammie makes it...  even i can admit that!
she was so excited about the day she had to pray about it, of course!  i love that she has this special relationship with her Heavenly Father already, a relationship where she feels like she can tell Him about anything and everything.  i hope she never loses that connection..
well, she was so excited with everything that was going to transpire in her little life this day that she started to jumble her words, literally tripping over them with her excitement.  she stopped, took a breath, and said with a little sigh attached, "you know..."
just that simple little bit taught me a huge lesson. 
He does know.
He knows the good, the bad, the exciting, the stressful, the sad.  the crazily happy and excruciatingly exciting!!!
He still wants us to come and tell Him.  if there aren't words, He will understand.  the key is to still go to Him.  it feels so good to know that He knows.  such a comfort.
i find that sometimes i gloss over what i think might just be the same-old same-old when it comes to me.  i know that He knows, that He is aware, but i should still communicate my feelings to Him.
i can think of many times where my prayers were more tears than talking.  i have felt comfort because i know He knows.
it was just the perfect reminder for this time in my life.  we are having lots of fun this summer, we aren't stress free (at all!!) but i can receive help and comfort when i communicate with Him.
such a sweet little girl!  i am so thankful to be her mother, to have her teach me so many things.

The happiest puke-face in the world.

I got my due punishment for taking Ashley to lunch at McDonald’s (or as I have so appropriately re-named them “Yak-Donald’s”) yesterday.  You see, there were basically no groceries in our little house.  I fully intended on procuring some while Ashley was at kindergarten (because only one child makes that errand MUCH more enjoyable), but instead, got caught up at Costco, two fabric stores and one thrift store.  Oh, and a book store.  No groceries were purchased (other treasures were), unless you can count the three bricks of Tillamook colby jack I bought at Costco a meal.

So we picked up Ashley at school, and went to that “one place” for lunch.

(It helps to go shopping with a full stomach.  I know, I have had experience shopping with an empty one.  I almost bought a cake at Sam’s club because I skipped lunch one time.)

We had a great lunch, and even greater lunch conversation.

“Mom, I have to tell you something, and I don’t know how I am going to tell you this…”

“Just tell me.”

“But it is something serious and I am not sure how you are going to take it.”

“How about telling me, and seeing how I take it.”

“Okay….”

(Deep breath followed by a sigh.”

“You know that kid from PBS kids, Calliou?”

“Um, yeah.”

(I am thinking about that annoying kid.  The show I dislike SO much because he is ALWAYS whining about something…  why did I ever buy that DVD?!?)

“Well mom, he’s bald.”

I’m laughing.

“Seriously mom.  He has NO HAIR.”

“Well (more laughing) that is usually how one looks when they are bald.”

Holy crack me up.

Then, while shopping, she brought up an un-finished conversation that started during sacrament meeting. 

“Mom, does your middle finger really mean a bad word?”

(See why it was left unfinished during sacrament meeting?  I seriously prayed that she would forget entirely about it.  That seemed like an appropriate thing to do during sacrament meeting, pray, I mean.)

“Yes.”

“What bad word is it?”

“I will not say it.”

“Why not?!  Tell me!!”

“No.  It is the worst word ever.  The finger is an obscene gesture, it is basically telling someone: ‘Forget You”, and that just isn’t nice, we don’t want to forget people.”

“So we shouldn’t show people our middle finger?”

“No.”

Later on, she got a paper cut.  The only reason why I knew was because she was trying to swing (in the nanosecond of actual spring weather we had yesterday..) with a Kleenex wrapped around her middle finger.

I asked if she wanted me to put a band aid on it.

“Yes.  I am tired of holding my bad word finger.”

See, funny.

But now I get to the follow-up to our little trip to “Yak-Donald’s”…

I get her up to get ready this morning.  She doesn’t feel good and proceeds to throw up.  (I am blaming “Yak-Donald’s only because the food is gross and the place is a breeding grounds for all sorts of communicable diseases.) 

But get this:

She is the happiest, cutest, sweetest puker in the whole world.

(Of this I am completely sure.)

“I love you mommy.”  she said after I wiped her face.

“Thank you mommy, I love you.”  she said in between heaves while I held her hair out of her face while it was in the toilet.

“I love you mommy.”  she said again while I pulled it into a ponytail while she threw-up in the barf bowl.

And after every session of heaving, there would be a little, weak smile on her sweet face.  I wouldn’t be smiling if I were barfing the day away.  I could learn something from this kid.

Later on, after a bubble bath in my tub, she thanked me again.

“I love you mom.  I am sorry for giving you attitude and not being nice or making good choices, and you love me anyway.”

That is my job.  To love her and take care of her no matter what, and sometimes she gets it.

She really is the sweetest, happiest, cutest puke-face ever.  I am glad she is done puking though.

Compassion, pre-school style.

I realized, typing the title, that Peyton is officially classified as a “pre-schooler” now.  Not that she is in pre-school..  but she is no longer a toddler.

(Sniff..)

She has been learning to be quite the compassionate soul, and that development makes this mother heart smile.

I mentioned previously that we have been introducing our children to the best things life has to offer.

(“Star Wars”,  “Indiana Jones”, marshmallow creme, and cadbury eggs..  many other good things belong here.)

Peyton asked one day to watch a Darth Vader “oooo-vie”.  The way she described it to me went something like this:

“I want to watch the Darth Vader oooo-vie when Luke Skywalker takes off Darth Vader’s mask and you see all of his owies…  how did Darth Vader get owies mom?”

I told her how he got them, to the best of my knowledge, as I have not seen that particular prequel in it’s entirety.  Something about lava and limbs being cut off, yada-yada-yada..

She responded with a sympathetic hand to her chest, “Oh!  Poooor Darth Vader…”

A similar thing was said later on, when my friend, Julie, called me, asking me about her son’s symptoms.  They sounded strangely familiar to Peyton’s recent ear infection, and he wasn’t presenting a fever.  After I got off the phone with her, Peyton paused between bites of her Lucky Charms long enough to ask who it was.  I explained that it was Julie, and told her what the situation was.

“Zach has an ear infection and Julie needs to take him to the doctor.  Remember when your ear hurt and you had an ear infection and we took you to the doctor?”

Hand to her chest, sad look on her little face, “Ohhhhh..  poor Zach!  I hope the doctor makes his ear better.”

It’s pretty sweet, seeing that she gets it.

A Valentine-y Re-cap.

If you know Merrill, he isn’t a real romantic kind of a guy.

(Love you just the way you are!)

That being said, we don’t really do (and I don’t expect) much for this holiday.

We make it all about the kids.

This year, he made their day, and as a result, melted my heart.

I do special things for the whole family, making a fun dessert (chocolate covered strawberries and the like), and a fancy-ish dinner.  We always have a small gift for the girls too.

When he came home, the girls were outside playing.  As soon as he came in, he ran to the bedroom and came back with a single red rose for each of us.  I only wish I could have captured their faces when he gave each of them theirs.

He made them feel so special!

  

I made the girls these:

(You can see more about them here.)

They also got kids “Just Dance” (I am already tired of those songs!) and “Bedtime Stories”.  We all enjoy that movie.

 

He, yup, he melted my heart!

Hope you all had a fantastic Valentine’s day as well.

Family Prayers

The other night Merrill was working the evening shift which left me to have family prayers with the girls.  We normally take turns saying the evening family prayer, leaving meals to the girls, they usually have their own private prayers after everyone has gone to their own bedrooms.  Some nights, they each have their own turn saying a prayer with us all together.  I like it, it helps us to hear what is important to each other as we look back on our day, express love and gratitude, pray for each other.

Peyton has been on a kick where she is not interested in praying.  She’ll say she wants to, then won’t say anything.  (Maybe she gets that from Ash?)  So Thursday night, when she wanted to pray, I expected nothing more.  Then she said the sweetest prayer, just a re-cap of the days events, telling Heavenly Father what she had done, her own version of the highlights.  Pretty sweet.

Ashley went next.  Her prayers usually consist of an opening, a “thank thee for this day” and a “bless that we can be nice to our sisters”.  That’s it.  This night, she said a lot more, which pleased me to no end.  I told her how thankful I was to hear her prayer, and how happy that makes our Heavenly Father, when we just talk to Him.  She was pretty proud of herself.

Lynn was last, and by far the sweetest, asking that we “let our light shine” and praying that Merrill would be able to sleep in the next morning, and even more, that they would “be good, not mess around and be quiet” so that he could sleep.  Too cute.

I was thankful that it was just us, that I was able to hear in their prayers what was important to them.  Pretty tender.

She really loves her!

Ashley is my most hyperactive child.

I hope she keeps her title.  I don’t know what I would do with one more hyper and goofy than she is.

Sometimes, she is downright ridiculous and can be pretty annoying.  I know I love her, but I start to wonder how her friends and sisters feel about her when she gets like this.

I got my answer today, after another typical morning with her, getting her ready for pre-school while she teased Peyton to no end.

I was ready for the break.

It was more than welcome.

I walked her into her class and came back out to the care to see Peyton with some of the biggest tears in her eyes.  One had already spilled over onto her cheek, her chin was quivering.  I asked her what was wrong, she simply answered, “Want Ashley.”

She cried a little, and I felt sad that her most annoying, hyper, big sister was going to be gone, away from her for the next couple of hours, and she was going to miss her.

It was quite the sweetest, most unexpected moment of my day.

I wish I’d had my camera.

An Even Day..

At our house, to prevent the arguments that naturally come with small children and who gets to pray, we have the rule (if you can call it that..) that whatever the date is, even or odd, then someone with an even or odd birthday, says the prayer. 
For example, if it is an odd day, Ashley blesses breakfast, Dad says bedtime prayer.  If it is an even day, Lynn blesses breakfast, Mom says bedtime prayer.  So when dinner time arrives, who ever didn’t bless breakfast, usually blesses dinner.  Peyton helps to fill in our gaps and sometimes, but only on those rare occasions when we are feeling generous and loving, will the girls give each other the dinner prayer.
Today was an even day.  Lynn’s turn to bless the breakfast and start our day.
As I get breakfast ready, we will talk about the coming events for the day, usually the news is on in the background, so there is a lot of talking and explaining going on.
Lately the news has been all about Haiti.  As I was crying yesterday morning watching the news while getting breakfast ready, the girls started asking questions.  I tried my best to explain the situation there.  What a hard thing those people are going through..
I even told them about a friend of mine who has been going through the long process of adopting a little girl there.  The hidden blessing in all of it, that they will get her sooner than expected due to this horrible happening there.
This morning, talk turned again, to the coming events of the day, and I told the girls that they would be having a little friend come to visit.  A friend of mine is experiencing some problems in her pregnancy, and we were helping out with her little girl today. 
We talked a bit more, then I asked Lynn to please bless the food and start off our day.
Before she started she asked, “Mom, what’s the name of that place again, where all the children are waiting..”
“Haiti honey..”  I was so touched that she still had that on her mind.
She started her prayer, thankful for many things, and then she asked her Father in Heaven to bless the people in Haiti.  “Bless the children that they can come here fast and be with their new families..”
(Cry…)
She stopped praying for a second and whispered, “Mom, what’s that girl’s name..  your friend with the baby?”
I told her her name, and she prayed for her.  She paused, and then went on, paused again and acted like she had more to say.
I was feeling quite proud of my thoughtful little girl.
She ended her heartfelt prayer, and then acted kind of upset.  When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she was frustrated that she couldn’t remember my other friend’s name, the one waiting to get her little girl from Haiti.
We had another talk about how Heavenly Father knows..  He knows how we feel and what we think without saying it aloud.  He sure likes to hear it, but He knows.
“You don’t have to close your eyes, kneel down, or even fold your arms if you need to pray.  Did you know that?  You could say a prayer sitting in your seat at school, and He still hears.
Wow..  I love this little girl, the things she teaches me everyday!  The thoughts and feelings that she awakens in ME...  the things that I am still learning or am reminded of everyday.  
One of the many blessings of being a mother…

The tale of a tooth..

Little Lynnie-lou-hoo has a few loose teeth.  They are not terribly wobbly yet, but are slightly wiggly right now.  They have been that way for a while.
New year's day, amid your sleepy fog, the little girl informed me that her other bottom tooth had suddenly become more wiggly.
I really shouldn't say suddenly..  she was sneaking and snacking on some tortilla chips.  Those babies always help with the loosening process.
I am the parent who enjoys this stuff.  I could sit and wiggle and tug at a tooth all day.
I loved losing teeth.
So needless to say, I would beg and bribe her to let me pull at it and wiggle it for the rest of the day.  It would usually end with her squealing (Merrill says it was more screaming than squealing..) and then Merrill would tell me to leave it, and her alone.
During one of our wiggle moments, it was made even more loose.
It was quite exciting.
She was pretty determined to get that out before bedtime, but she was too nervous.  It was set to finish the next day.
We said family prayers, tucked the girls in, and went about our getting ready for bed, when I heard quiet sobbing coming from the girls' room.
It was Lynn.
She was afraid that her tooth was going to fall out while she was asleep, travel down her throat, and either she would choke on it, or would have to keep an eye out for it for the next couple of days..  if you know what I mean.
After asking her what she would rather do, it was eventually decided that we would pull it out right then.
After more wiggling and tugging in the bathroom, Lynn decided that she wanted to be the one to extract it.
Then the tears began.
She was so scared!
I tried to reassure her, to no avail.  I asked her again, what she wanted to do about it.  Her answer, "Say a prayer."
I had a proud mom moment in that second..  the kind of moment where your heart jumps up in your chest a bit, you feel choked up, tears brim at your eyes, and your whole body feels warm and fuzzy..  you know that moment?
Oh, my girl...
I got over myself, and said, "Okay..  let's do it."
We folded our arms, and I waited..  and waited.
I opened one eye only to find her tear-filled eyes looking back at me.  Her lip began to quiver and she said, "I want you to say it..  I don't know what to say."
Then came the teaching moment, which was a teaching moment more for me, than it was for her.
"Honey, you say whatever you are feeling.  He understands.  There is no certain way to say it, there is no wrong way to say a prayer..  you just talk, tell Him how you feel.  Sometimes you don't even need to talk.  Sometimes we cry and He knows exactly what we are feeling."
"How does He know?"
"Heavenly Father has known you longer than even I have known you.  He has known you so long, He knows you so well, that He knows what you will choose to wear tomorrow.  He loves you and He wants you to tell Him how you feel.  Talk to Him like you talk to me..  tell me, how do you feel?"
"I am scared.  I am scared that it will hurt and I don't want it to hurt.  I want it out so I can go to sleep and not worry that I will swallow it."
"Then that is what you tell Him."
After that, there was the sweetest prayer said on the floor or our rubber ducky bathroom.  The two of us kneeling together, and my little girl saying a very sincere prayer to her loving Heavenly Father.  She told Him just how she felt and ended with a tearful "Amen".  Then she set to getting that tooth out.
We got it out, and she tells me it only hurt "a little bit".
Now I have to record and remember this, not only for her, but for myself.  There are so many times that life can seem so overwhelming to me.  Putting it into perspective, I think that there are others out there with so many bigger worries or problems than my own..  but they are my own.  I have to remember that He cares.  It is ME and He cares.  He wants to know how I am feeling.  He wants me to ask for His help.  He is waiting to help me and bless me.  I just have to come to Him.  Sometimes all I want to do is cry, and I need to remember that He understands that too.
I love my girls.
I know that He loves them too..  and He loves me that very same way.