"you know..."

i had to jot down this sweet moment that happened this morning when it was just me and peyton..
we were getting breakfast ready, she was being so sweet!  quietly playing dolls, being the sweetheart she is, i asked her if she wanted to bless the food.
now the kid has some fun prayers, i gotta say.
she prays about everything exciting that has happened since she can remember, and she prays for everything that will happen in the near future.
here's an example list:
- halloween
- trick or treating
- her desired costume (bo peep, again)
- christmas
- a new movie (or old one), she usually adds a favorite part or funny line.
- everything that has happened so far in the day (she told Heavenly Father about playing dolls this morning).
- lake powell
- disneyland
- if someone has offended her (name that sister!!)
today, the most anticipated activity was going out to grammie's to play with cousins and have a "water day".  water day usually consists of lunch, grammie's blow-up pool, shallow pool, sprinklers, and slip'n slide.  lunch is always included, cause grilled cheese and peanut butter always taste better when grammie makes it...  even i can admit that!
she was so excited about the day she had to pray about it, of course!  i love that she has this special relationship with her Heavenly Father already, a relationship where she feels like she can tell Him about anything and everything.  i hope she never loses that connection..
well, she was so excited with everything that was going to transpire in her little life this day that she started to jumble her words, literally tripping over them with her excitement.  she stopped, took a breath, and said with a little sigh attached, "you know..."
just that simple little bit taught me a huge lesson. 
He does know.
He knows the good, the bad, the exciting, the stressful, the sad.  the crazily happy and excruciatingly exciting!!!
He still wants us to come and tell Him.  if there aren't words, He will understand.  the key is to still go to Him.  it feels so good to know that He knows.  such a comfort.
i find that sometimes i gloss over what i think might just be the same-old same-old when it comes to me.  i know that He knows, that He is aware, but i should still communicate my feelings to Him.
i can think of many times where my prayers were more tears than talking.  i have felt comfort because i know He knows.
it was just the perfect reminder for this time in my life.  we are having lots of fun this summer, we aren't stress free (at all!!) but i can receive help and comfort when i communicate with Him.
such a sweet little girl!  i am so thankful to be her mother, to have her teach me so many things.

A lesson taken to heart.

I am not going to lie, last week was CRAZY!!  It seemed like we were hopping from one thing to another, add to that how emotional I was (over just about everything and anything, the smallest stuff would have me in tears), and the fact that we started the last month of the year (seriously, where did this year go?!), and it was nutso…

I finished off my month of gratitude with the intentions not to let that go, but at the end of the day, just about every day, I thought, “I will post that tomorrow.”  But when the tomorrows came, the craziness resumed.  Where was the time?

I do have to say what I am thankful for from the craziness of the last week.

-I am thankful for such a loving, supportive husband, who knows what I need better than I do most of the time.  He took care of the girls every night from Wednesday to Friday.  A lot of people would say, “Well, he is their dad, so…” but really, for me to have been gone or busy doing something (like having a meeting at our house), and to have him have fun with them, it was a huge relief to me.  I just wished I could have been having fun with them!  He took the day off Thursday and went to school with Ash, and from what I hear, they had a blast in class.  I was feeling bad for not spending much time with him, feeling like he was feeling neglected, add to that the “emotional” factor I was dealing with, and I was ready to call off a lunch/shopping date with a friend.  He told me, “No.  You better go.  I am taking the girls to McDonalds.  We are going to have fun, you better too.”  What a great guy!  I am glad that I went, I really needed it.  (LOVE YOU MER!)

-I was so thankful to be able to look back and reflect on each day at the end of it, and see all that had been accomplished.  Most days I had wished that I had had more time, but in the end, I was satisfied and able to sleep comfortably.  There’s nothing like the satisfaction of a full day.

-I am so thankful for our family traditions and activities this time of the year.  I am so happy that the girls remember and look forward to each and every one.  We went to the Festival of the Trees last week, and had so much fun!  I am thankful for these events that are fun, but remind us of the giving part of the season. 

-I recently made a goal to read the Book of Mormon (even though I was pretty far in it anyway) before the end of the month.  That is 18 pages a day!  It has been such a blessing to sit each day and read, mark, really study those 18 pages (sometimes more, I can’t stop sometimes!).  It helped me put life into perspective, and everyday, there were things in there that I needed to read.

-I am thankful for the kind phone calls, and messages from friends and family who know I have  been going through my own little “down”.  To know that they care, to hear their expressions of love and support are such a blessing!  I am thankful to know that I am surrounded by such great people.

I know that my week could have been even better (and maybe a little less emotional) had I kept up on my gratitudes, actually listing them at the end of every day.  I love how it helps me to readjust my focus at the end of the day, start the next one off even better.

Just what I needed.. thank you.

Today was the official day of rest.

It was nice, I have to admit.

Even with the continued yelling from the two year old, the massages, cries of pain, heat, rest, relax, and repeat, with Mer “the cripple” Bear (love you!),  Lynn deciding to tear off the leaves of my sole surviving house plant, and then Ashley participating in the drowning of aforementioned plant, it was a good day.  Oh, and Peyton decided to poop in the tub, again.  There is just something so relaxing about that clean, warm environment that just gets those bowels a-movin’.

Let me tell you why.

I got to go to church.

Solo.

I was able to enjoy a sacrament meeting without the normal interruptions (which I am thankful to have..) and listen, ponder, and be thankful.  It was a much needed break.

Well, okay, it was only Sacrament meeting, but it is the most important part of that three hour block.

I got myself ready, and no one else, which was a slice of heaven in and of itself.  I got to take my time!  I felt pretty..  (sigh.)

The ward theme for the month was “Trust in the Lord”, and the talks, all three of them, were based on this theme.

Every single one of them aimed directly at me.  I felt like I had a bulls eye on my chest.

Further testimony to me that He knows me and what I need.

I was taught things that aren’t in any way new concept to me, but good reminders.  It was said that, we don’t know our course,  things and events are put in our path to bless us and to enable us to bless the lives of others as well.  I was also reminded that I need to humble myself and pray, ask for help, plead my case.  I can’t do it all myself, and I shouldn’t.  It won’t always make the way necessarily easier or the load lighter, but I will have help and encouragement, I will learn something in the end.  The last thing that touched me was to be grateful.  When negativity arises, think of all that I am thankful for.

Now mind you, there is nothing absolutely awful going on, just the day to day blahs and struggles that are as old as a piece of bread Jackie and I found on top of Grandma’s microwave when she lived on Harrison (remember that one Jacks?  EW!).  Life can do that to us at times, just seem monotonous,  drive us a little crazy.  That’s all.

Something else made me quite happy today.. 

When I was coming home from church, so lifted and feeling happy, I found these on my porch.

Someone else knows me and cares.

Thanks Oreo donor!!

Should I be worried?

Last night, we had a fun Family Home Evening. 

We made chocolate chip cookies, and likened the process to being obedient.  We talked about being obedient to the commandments and to our parents.  (Just a couple of scriptures used: Deuteronomy 12:32 and 1 Nephi 3:7.)

If we stray from the recipe, and add whatever we want, or omit whatever we want, the cookies wouldn’t taste very good.  They might not even end up being cookies.

But when we do what we are told to do, add the right amounts of ingredients, the cookies (and more importantly the dough in our house,) taste good, and we are happy.  Things are enjoyable.

Same thing happens when we are doing what is right.  We don’t have excess worry, and life is just better.  (I am not saying that trials don’t pop up..  they do.)   We focused on the commandment “Honor thy father and thy mother.”

The girls needed this, as they have been having some struggles listening to their parents.

You know, Us.

They participated well, and we thought that they got it.

Not so much.

As soon as some freshly baked cookies were enjoyed, the normal nightly routine began.

“Get ready for your bath (or shower) and make sure to put your clothes in the hamper.”

Do you want to guess where the clothes ended-up?

I bet you guessed right.  If you guessed anywhere BUT the hamper..

While they were in the tub, they were instructed to not get any more washcloths, they each had one, that was enough laundry for mom to do.

I turned around, and what did I see?

Ashley with two more.

She was grounded from the computer for the day today.  You see, there are consequences when you don’t do what is right.

Bedtime became an even greater adventure in the skill of not listening and being obedient.

I think that next Monday evening might be a re-run, minus the chocolate and sugar.  I think those just proved to be too distracting.

Commercial lessons..

Believe it or not, I have learned a thing or two from the TV.
Really.
Most of the time it is from the Discovery Channel, or the History Channel, or my new favorite, Dr. OZ..  sometimes it's from PBS kids.
The other day, I learned something from a commercial.
Yeah, I get it there too sometimes.
It wasn't the type of commercial one would normally associate gleaning knowledge from.
It was a Subaru commercial.
One line just stood out to me, and spoke to me and where I am in my life right now.
"Love the road you are on."
Now that might not sound as profound to you as it does for me..  but it is.
I think about where I am on my "road", and it isn't where I thought I would be, but I need to love where I am.
This time of the year brings many fond memories bubbling to the surface of my mind.
This was the time of year Merrill and I were engaged.  We really started to plan a wedding..  we weren't just dreaming anymore.  That excitement, that newness, isn't like it was then, we still have it, ten years later, and it isn't the same..  it is better, and I love it.
Home improvement projects (that we won't have for years to come..) were always going on this time of year. It was when work slowed down enough for Merrill that we could work on the large ones together, that the tax return multiplied that little bit in our savings account making it worth spending.  The smell of paint and the chop saw cutting through the flooring we lay..  they have painted over my "spiced cider" wall.. by the way.. 
This is the same time I was preparing to bring my first baby into the world.  The new life that brought into our home, the different spirit, the new way of life..  I treasure those memories.
It is also the same time of the year we brought our second baby home with us..  we were a little family of four.
There is something about the smells, the cozy warmth of our home this time of the year that leaves me longing for those days to be re-lived.
I long for another baby.
But I am here.
I am happy.
I have a very active, healthy, fun little family.  I do love life, but sometimes a smell or song will trigger a memory..  an article of clothing even.  Then I have to remind myself to love the road I am on. 
I cannot spend my days longing for what isn't, and might never be in this life.
I need to love the road I am on.
If we hadn't moved, I would be telling myself the same thing, but in a different way..
I think of so many that I know and love, who wish, who long for more, and I think of this simple commercial, that didn't make me want to go out and buy a new car, but made me think about my life, how I need to love where I am.
I will tell you, I do love where I am today...

Optimism..

It feels like we have had so much going on around here!
We are keeping busy working away at constant home improvement, which is fun, I like that kind of stuff.. and the kids are playing away, Peyton helps us with our work though. :) She is an awesome rock sorter. She now carries a rock around for a buddy.
We hope to get swings up, soon, and make our "swing set" an actual "swing set".. it hasn't had swings on it for the whole 3 years we've had it. Blasphemy considering Merrill's former occupation.
We are actually getting to spend some of our hard earned and saved cha-ching.. many people are coming to give us bids on improvements that are long overdue.
- A gate, that actually latches, keeping kiddos IN THE BACK YARD.
- A pump for our sprinkler system.. dragging a hose around the front yard when you have a sprinkler system SUCKS.
- A new front door, with no storm door. :)
- And last but not least, updated glass. Woo Hoo!! No more amber glass!!!
And with that, our seventies abode will be updated. :)
We'll just have to see if the bank can take it all..
Merrill has been out, pluggin' away in the yard with just about every spare moment he gets, and the girls love making mud or coloring with the chalk while they are out there with him.
Last night, Peyton kinda biffed it on the cement out on the patio. She came inside whining and rubbing her hands. I usually try to kiss her better, and she hasn't gotten it, she'll pull her hand away and clap them together or even shake them, to lessen the pain I guess. So last night, I attempted to kiss her hand better. I brushed off the dirt, and then kissed her hand. She looked at me like I was crazy! Then she looked at her hand, then smiled, and giggled at me. I think she gets the concept now. She has come to me since, holding out her hand like she needs a kiss.
A highlight of my week was speaking at Jaclyn's enrichment night last night, that's where the flowers came from.
The topic was optimism. I had the past month to study, ponder, and prepare, and it all came together so well. Many prayers were answered.
I really am a dork.. I ENJOY that kind of stuff.. I love to study and learn, I love teaching in RS.
The funny part, is how a bunch of crap tried to rain on me the day before. Trying to tinge my optimism with the smell of poo.
Seriously.
There is a someone out there who has issues with me, and off and on they try to start stuff. I choose to leave it alone. It's not my issue.
They decided to try to start it all again on Monday.
That one post, you know, about praying, it really does help. I could go from reading one of the e-mails or comments submitted by a cohort of theirs, and it would roll off my back.. like water off of a duck's back. :) Thank you, awesome power of prayer!
But I don't think they know how much I do not care about it, at all. Ignoring the e-mails, comments, and remarks, doesn't seem to get the message across to this person that I don't care. (Perhaps this will?)
I know who I am. I know the truth. Those who know me, know me.
Telling untruths about me, attempting to slander me, taint my reputation.. none of it phases me. The truth will shine through, and those who choose to believe what this person has to say, will one day know.
It did not not affect my optimism. :)
That was just one of Satan's tools to try to thwart me and the message I was asked to share.
By the sound of the feedback received last night, it was a well-received message and one that was needed.
Score: Satan - 0, Me - 1

Oh, and those flowers.. they are loved by all the females in this household! One look or whiff of those babies and the sunshine is turned on full blast here!

What up?!

We've been keeping busy... that's how life is!
We had josh over the other night. Boys sure are fun! I just wonder if he feels the same way about little girls (note Ashley's expression)... our little girls to be more specific.
Last night, Mer's mom and dad took the two older girls to a Bonneville game to watch Kaitlyn and MiKell. We enjoyed dinner at El Matador with Pey. Everyone there missed the girls :(. It was chilly at the game, despite me bundling them up... but they sure had a good time! Love the shirts! Thanks Darlene and Dixon!
We also had a hands on (or should I say mouth on) lesson why we don't leave certain things where Pey can reach... Lynn has a hard time remembering this... her blue marker was the victim.
Today at Super Saturday for our Tri-Ward Relief Society activity, I finished Peyton's scarf. I had finished her beanie a while ago... this was the closest I could get to "Peyton Green"... I wish I could have found something more vibrant... It was fun to sit and visit!
Now she is ready for all of this cold weather and the little bit of snow we got today. Yes, snow.
We had such a darling speaker while we ate lunch today. She was the mission President's wife, Sister Joyce. What a cute lady! She said so many things that I want to remember forever! Christie said it best when she said, "I just wish I had a tape recorder!" I agree.
She talked about how we are all daughters of God. That we should be treated as such. She talked about personal revelation, Atonement experiences, how we shouldn't feel like we should have to do "everything". She also talked about priorities. I learned many important lessons.
One lesson:
"Is there a dog in the room?"
She related an experience she had with a young woman when she was teaching seminary. This girl spoke to her mother in such a disrespectful tone, Sister Joyce asked her, "Is there a dog in the room? Because I know you wouldn't speak to your mother that way." I'm gonna pull that one out on the kids when they get mouthy with me, with one another too.
Another lesson:
"Be Still."
When I am running around as a mother, I need to be still. Sure, there are lots of things that need to be done, many things that I want to do. However, I need to pause, be still, and listen. I need to be able to receive promptings and revelation and I can't make myself too busy to hear.
I was so thankful for this afternoon. I felt like a half-full cup. After going there, I feel full to the brim!
Merrill was so sweet and took such good care of all the girls, holding Peyton and snuggling her as she napped!
I am so blessed!