lessons from pink ribbons.

can I tell you about my day yesterday?

I am not complaining, but, let me tell you, it started out as quite the day.

both of the girls had read-a-thons at school.  on top of that, lynn’s class had a christmas party that I had signed-up to provide cookies for.  because I am awesome (or something of that sort) I purchased said cookies last night.  they sat on the counter, ready for today.  not to be forgotten. 

I got the girls up, got them breakfast and put some cocoa on the stove to warm up.  we made lunches, gathered treats and books for the read-a-thons, then the girls went off and got dressed, and then we did hair.  (also referred to as torturing the girls.)   it was after we did hair, that I was reminded about the cocoa on the stove.

my reminder:

(okay, so not the actual reminder, but the aftermath.)

it was wonderful.

I had left the lid on.  apparently that was a bad idea.  I am not sure, none of it was a good idea really.

it was in that moment, with cocoa all over the stove, some places scorched on, that I realized that I didn’t have bags for ashley’s teacher gifts.  not matter, like she would be able to carry ALL of her stuff anyway?  they would have to wait.

after I got some of the cocoa mess cleaned up, we were off to school.

I dropped the girls off, and as they walked away from the car, blowing kisses and waving one-handed goodbyes, I realize that they don’t have mittens or hats.  it was a cold day.  I hoped they had something in their backpacks.

so peyton and I were off for home.  I planned on hitting the ground running today.  I have a lot to do, and only a few days to do it in.  but that is probably what every mom is saying…

as soon as we got home, there were the cookies, sitting on the entryway table.

we forgot the cookies.

I would have to take them to the school.

I could take hats and gloves too.

and well, while I was at it, I would go get the gift bags and take the teacher gifts to ashley’s class..

and, well, if I was going to the store, I ought to make a grocery list…

and on it went.

peyton and I went to the store, she as ariel, me as myself, gathered our cart full of needs, and then I realized that I had left the debit card in.the.car.

great.

we ditched the cart, ran out to the car, got the debit card, and ran back into the store, re-claimed the abandoned cart, and went to get in line.  the only open line, with four people already in it.

we opted for the self checkout.

I was tired.  it was only 9 am.

I was hoping that the rest of the day would go much smoother than this first part had.

after getting gifts into gift bags, we went to the girls school, and what I saw changed my mind set.

pink ribbons everywhere…..

I was suddenly grateful.

grateful to be going to my girls school.

thankful to have two little girls that needed hats and mittens, cookies, and teacher gifts.

happy that I could do it.

happy that they were safe there, and it wasn’t an emergency bringing me to their school.

there are too many parents in this world right now who are missing a child, missing the day to day errands and activities.

I found my heart full of thanks for our community and the love and unity they are showing to a family, one of our own, who came here to lay their little girl to rest.  it is awesome to be a part of such a wonderful community!

the rest of my day would be just fine.  so what?  the morning didn’t necessarily go the way I wanted it to.  the things on my to-do list were bumped momentarily, but I was thankful that it went the way it did.

most of all, I am thankful for those fluttering pink ribbons that taught me a lesson.

the post that was more than a week in the making.

you know when something big happens in your life, and it has really affected you?  you know how you have to sit on it, think about it, let it percolate a bit, just so you can get everything out of it that you possibly can?  well, I have had one of those experiences.

one of the leaders from my youth passed away a couple of weeks ago.

she was a miracle.

she had been diagnosed with a rare form of sarcoma eight years ago.  the doctors didn’t give her much time.  but she fought.  it was a most excellent fight.

numbers upon number of surgeries, countless hours spent either enduring chemo or radiation, and the even more countless hours of pain and sickness, and she was not one to complain.

everytime there was a new development in her health, she would post something she was thankful for on facebook.  her positivity was amazing.

right after the new year, she was rushed to the hospital, and was told then that she didn’t have much time left.  but I believe that she was ready.

she is such an example to me.  as I reflect back on the parts of her life that have directly affected me, I am thankful for what she taught me.

theresa was called to be young women’s president when I was 16 (funny fact, she was the age that I am now when she was called..).  I was the bishop’s daughter, their family had just moved into the ward from out of state, and I didn’t know her well.  add to these factors that the previous presidency had been in for nearly the previous 4 years, and i had grown to love them dearly .  it was a hard change.

now I am not using that as an excuse for my behavior (more to come on that), it’s just that being a teenager is hard enough, add to that changes (which I am not good at dealing with), and you can get a not too chipper kid.

that being said, I was a brat.

I never said anything purposely hurtful to her, I was not mean-spirited, I was just unhappy, not excited about this change, not excited about someone I basically knew nothing about.  I didn’t treat her with the respect she deserved.

but she didn’t treat me any differently.

she still cared about me, was so incredibly friendly to me, treated me with much more respect than I was sure I deserved.  things improved little by little over time, teaching me these little lessons all the while, little lessons that I didn’t realize were just that until I was more mature.  but the biggest lesson she taught me, personally, came that summer.

I used to be the most homesick kid you ever met.  I couldn’t even go two doors down for a sleep-over with my best friend without getting homesick.  there were times I was able to tough it out and stay the night, then there were those other times I would call my parents and they would come walk me home at 10:30 at night.  it didn’t get any better as I got older.  (I blame my family for making me love them so much, blame my mom for making home such a wonderful place to be.) 

this particular summer, I was called to be a youth leader for an all girls church camp (remember “laurel legacy” anyone?).  it meant a week away from my family, my home, my room, and my friends, to stay in a tent with five other girls, none of whom I knew outside of this experience.  there would be girls coming from my ward and stake later in the week, but I wouldn’t be staying with them.  I would get to see them, but when it came to the bulk of my time, I was with these other girls who attended different stakes, different schools.  I grew incredibly homesick.

I spent most of my time those first three days praying, crying, reading my scriptures, and praying more.  out of desperation, I wrote my mom a letter.  it was quite miserable.  looking back on it, it was a pretty silly idea, because, how was I going to get it to my mom?  it wasn’t like there was mail service there.  while I would like to say that it helped, it really didn’t.

the day came when all the girls from the wards and stakes arrived, and with it, their leaders.  MY leaders.

I saw theresa’s face.  I ran to her, and she opened her arms and hugged me while I cried on her shoulder.  she didn’t let go, she didn’t push me away, she just held onto me.  I think she even cried a little herself.  she reassured me that I would be fine.  I remember her telling me that things would get so busy after that that I wouldn’t even have time to be homesick.  she even waited while I ran back to my tent to get that letter for my mom.  she would deliver it.

as I look back, realizing what a brat I was,  I think of how undeserving I was of her grace.  would I have treated someone who wasn’t so kind to me that way? 

I have thought of that often.  while my inner thoughts might not match up to my outward actions, I am hoping that they will match up, that I can have truly loving, kind, and charitable thoughts about everyone, regardless of how they have treated me in the past.

I am so grateful that she treated me better than I deserved.

I am thankful to know that where she is, there is no more pain and illness for her.  I am thankful for the knowledge I have that she will be whole, with her family for eternity.  I am so thankful for her Christlike example, that will undoubtedly stay with me for the rest of my life.

The right things at just the right time.

 

(Thank you Ally.)

 

“You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you are happy, revel in it. Appreciate the moment.

If you are unhappy; take note. Try to figure out what you are supposed to be learning in this moment.

For each and every moment woven together over time is your life. Each moment matters. Each moment has something beautiful to teach us.”

Perfect, right?  I believe that this can apply to all of us. 

I truly believe that there is no ceiling to our own personal best, I believe that we can go higher, and once we think we’ve hit our best, we go beyond that even. 

We learn during the whole process.

Good or bad.

I like to look back on these last few months, four of them to be exact, as I have been learning a lot, like so much, I thought my head was going to explode.  Now that the fog has lifted, and I see the whole experience with so much more clarity, I can see just what there was to be learned, and what I learned about myself.

Almost as important, I have learned who I can count on and trust, who has helped me learn and grow.

I am thankful to know who I am.  I am thankful to be comfortable and confident again in my own skin.  Most importantly, I have learned that I am just who I am for a reason, and I should never try to change that to please others, I should never abandon myself, who I am or what I believe to try to make a few happy.

Looking back on that time, how I viewed it while walking through it, it was dark and mostly lonely,  from where I sit right now, the future looks bright and beautiful!

So not lonely.

A rebirth of sorts.

Three years ago, sleep was a novelty.  It was for good reason though.  My body was nearing it’s time to birth a baby, a small, new person, to usher them into this world.  There was not time for sleep!  There was too much excitement and anticipation to be enjoyed to sleep.  Sleep?  Absurd.
I would sit awake.  Folding laundry one night, paying bills another night.  Certain that on that “one” night, the contractions were going to fade away, just as they had every other night, and I would find a little bit of sleep.
But sleep didn’t come.  The contractions came faster and harder, and I knew this was the real deal.  Peyton entered into this world two short hours after that.
I look at my life now..
Mostly filled with anticipation and excitement.  Sometimes joy, sometimes pain.  Always trying to find just who I am.  Who I need to be.
I thought it would be the “right thing” to let this blog go, to move on, but it isn’t right.
After prayer, counsel with my dear husband, my parents, good friends, fasting, more prayer, a father’s blessing, and another talk with the dear husband, it has been decided that this dear blog shall be re-born.
Don’t be surprised if you see some changes..
There will be some “landscaping” done ‘round these parts.  Some posts might go MIA.  I am sure my posterity will not know what to do if they know not what the contents of my purse were the summer that was 2008.
Really.
I have made dear friends here, have gotten better acquainted with other friends and neighbors.  I hope to pick up where I left off.
If there are some that choose not to read, feelings will not be hurt on my part.  I hope that if I hurt the feelings of others, there can be understanding found.
I have missed a great big positive note in my life this last little while.  I need to get that back in whole, not just glimpses.  Recording the happiness in life, the blessings I know and so thoroughly enjoy, my experiences as both a mother and a homemaker, and who I am as a child of God is what this is all about. 
So hopefully with this particular rebirth, I can find my sleep again.  Hopefully those sometimes painful, sleepless nights can turn into peaceful ones.
I am slowly getting “me” back, and it feels good.

Appropriate usage.

My sweet, innocent Lynn, is slowly (but all too quickly for may taste) gaining a knowledge of what words are inappropriate.

There are some people we know, people we are related to, might have possibly grown up on a farm, who still use “farm talk” for the word “poop”.

I will not use it here.

Lynn now thinks that as long as she uses that word in reference to animal excrement, it is okay.

Not so.

She came home from school the other day, and began telling me how ugly it was outside.  The snow is pretty much gone, leaving behind nasty, soggy, matted grass, and dog.. “leavings”.

Lynn chose to tell Merrill and I about the latter half of the conditions of the ground outside at the dinner table, while we were eating.

“It’s so gross!!  Everywhere you walk there’s dog (she gives sideways glances, then puts her hands to either side of her mouth to shield it, and then mouths THAT word.)  It’s nasty.”

I looked at Merrill who rolls his eyes and says, “Really?”

I asked, “Lynn, what gave you the idea to say that?”

“Well, it does mean poop.”

“But what made you think it was okay to say it?”

She didn’t answer, but decided to sing instead.

I have my own Brian David Mitchell!  (Singing to avoid unpleasant or unflattering questions….)

She avoided the question by either singing or changing the subject.  My attempted lecture turned into a one liner.

“Don’t say that word anymore.”

The next day was even better.

She came home, upset this time, asking me if a certain word was bad.  I told her depending on how it was used, it could be.

“Give me an example.”

She then said the last name of a good friend.

“That is not a bad word if you are saying their name.”

She explained to me that she was saying it silly, enunciating every syllable, and another girl, who has been taught advanced information, told Lynn’s friend whose name Lynn had been saying.  This friend pointed out to Lynn that, “..some people think that is a bad word, you might not want to say it..”

That had Lynn in tears.  She didn’t want her friend upset with her, she didn’t want her to have hurt feelings.  She didn’t even know that one syllable was considered a bad word!

She learned that day why that particular word was a bad word, and lost a part of her innocence prematurely (if you ask me).  I hope that she feels like she can come to me with more questions when they arise, and not be shy.

I had an experience when I was younger than Lynn.  I was in Mrs. Wadman’s first grade class.  Me and my table were in the accelerated reading class, and didn’t do reading or spelling with our homeroom class, but one day, Mrs. Wadman had to start the reading/spelling lesson a little early, so our table was there for it.  She was teaching about syllables and word parts.  She had “helicopter” written on the chalkboard.

“I will sound out the word helicopter slowly, so you can hear the syllables and make out the different word parts…  hel…..”

**GASP!!*

A collective gasp rose up from our table as everyone else in the class turned in our direction.  Mrs. Wadman turned red.

“I didn’t swear!!!  I didn’t swear!!  Don’t you tell your parents that I swore..  I was just sounding out “helicopter”!”

(Remember that Melissa?)

I learned my lesson that day about appropriate, and inappropriate.

Let’s hope that Lynn gives me a break for the rest of the week.

A re-run.

There are lessons that seem to repeat themselves in our lives as often as old M*A*S*H re-runs.

Faith and Prayer seem to be the top two being repeated lately.

We have a key to our house, hidden, just in case.

No, it is not in a fake rock.

(So don’t bother looking in our hundreds of rocks for “the one”.  It doesn’t exist.)

It is in a place where we can get it when we need it. 

Sadly enough, Peyton could too.

Last week, while fixing sprinkler heads, she found it (again) and was playing with it.  She went with the girls up and down the sidewalk on her trike and the scooter (both of which have nifty places for holding small things) and was in and out of the garage and back yard by the time I realized she had it.  I asked her to put it away, and she ran into the garage.  Being the best listener of the house on most days, I assumed she was doing just as I had asked her to, and was putting it away.

She didn’t.

As the sun set, and we began cleaning up to come in for the night, I looked in that secret (or not so secret) spot, and there was no key.  The search began.

Everyone was involved in finding this small, silver key that was whisked away by a very adventurous two-year old.

It kept getting darker, and the key wasn’t found.

Knowing that Merrill (who hasn’t had adequate sleep for who knows how long..) wouldn’t be able to sleep with the key on the loose for just anyone to come across, I took the girls in to get ready for bed and to have a prayer.  I asked our Heavenly Father to help us find that key tonight.  That if we didn’t find it, then someone who would not desire to cause our family harm would.

After I ended my prayer, Lynn told me that she had said a prayer too.

We ran over all the places we had looked and it came back to the back yard.  Merrill went out again, and came right back in with key in hand.

Relief was evident in the atmosphere of our home.

He told me, as the girls were sleeping, and we were getting ready for bed, that he had been taught yet another lesson by our sweet Lynn.

“She told me that she said a prayer that we would find it tonight.  I thought, ‘Yeah right.’  It just kept getting darker and who knows where Pey put it..  I thought for sure she had dropped it in the grass somewhere..  and then we find it.  Her faith amazes me.”

It does me too.

It also assures me that we are doing something right.

It also reminds me that I put far too many of what seems like “little” daily decisions into my own hands when they really belong in the hands of someone who knows much better than I.  Sometimes I think that I shouldn’t bother Him with my “problems” when there are so many others with much more to worry about, who need help in this world.  But the fact of the matter is that He is there, waiting, wanting to help us with everything and anything.  He loves us.  He is just waiting for us to ask.

Her faith and trust are another lesson that I need, to let go, not worry and let Him take care of it, just like He promised He would.  Because He does.

Oxygen.

We need oxygen to survive right?

(Well, unless you are superhuman..  or a vampire..)

You know how on an airplane, when they are running through their emergency spiel, they talk about those oxygen masks that will fall from the ceiling of the plane if the cabin loses air pressure?  And you know how they put emphasis on YOU putting on YOUR mask before YOU help ANYONE else?  Well, there was an analogy I heard YEARS ago dealing with that, that is now playing a very relevant role in my life.

If YOU don’t take care of YOURSELF, YOU cannot effectively (or  very cheerfully) take care of ANYONE else.

Kind of like, if you don’t have oxygen (necessary component for sustaining life) you can’t help anyone else survive.

I am making a point, everyday, to make sure I get that needed “oxygen”. 

I love being a mom, and I am SO THANKFUL that I am blessed with the life I live, that I get to stay home with my kids, do what I enjoy.  But sometimes, for sanity’s sake, I need a little break.

Whether it be crafting, reading, scrapping, taking pictures, or doing anything else I enjoy, just to take a break, I have learned how very important it is to take care of me.

And that is probably one of the reasons why I am blogging at this hour.  Just a little “me” time.

Lessons Learned..

Today was a good day. I got through my lesson, with the help of prayer, my front row of supporters, oh, and one in the hall. ;)
I am so thankful for family and good friends, who know me, love me and support me.
I did come to a realization, one of those lessons you already know, but then the light bulb flashes on again.. and you are reminded that you know this..
The rest of the fam (sickies I call them..) stayed home from church today, which allowed me for quiet, reflective time, during the sacrament service today. That was awesome. As I was thinking of the words from today's sacrament hymn, and the symbolic nature that the sacrament is, it hit me..
Even though I have my friends and family who love me, support me, and uplift me, none of them know EXACTLY what I am going through, know EVERY DETAIL of what has gone on, or FEEL EVERY FEELING I have felt these past six months..
Christ does.
His atonement wasn't only for MY SINS, or to redeem MY LIFE, but as it says in Alma chapter 7 verse 12, it was also for my infirmities.
He has felt EVERYTHING I have ever felt, ever endured, or will endure, and He understands.
That brings peace to me.
And so do my ever supportive friends and family.. love you guys!
Now I'll go back to my nursing duties.. kind of bummed that we are going to miss out on the traditional Weber State fireworks night tonight. We might do a drive by, but will not place our selves with the public to infect them.. I don't think Lynnie could walk that far anyway.

Optimism..

I learn so much from my girls everyday...
One thing that they are so good at teaching me, repeatedly, is optimism.
You see, I see the above picture as a yard (which happens to be next door to our house) full of would be weed seed spreaders, ready to attack the healthy green grass we have so painstakingly worked to have.. spawn of the devil, I tells you..
The girls, on the other hand, see it as endless possibilities.. never ending opportunities of wishes to be made, kept as secrets as the fluff blows away with the wind.
Sometimes I have to remember to adjust my perspective and be "childlike".
The world is nicer that way.

Life lessons...

Here are some things I have learned to be true throughout my short life, so far..
- Assumptions suck..
- You have to be a friend in order to have friends.
- The grass isn't always as green as it appears from the other side.
- A stitch in time really does save nine.. (see overcast stitching on pillowcase dresses..)
- If you turn the shower water off while shaving your legs, you can have that much longer a shower with hot water.
- Tylenol and Motrin, when alternated, is a miracle worker.
- When people tell you to enjoy your children while they are small, it will go by fast, they are telling you the truth.
- If you step on a crack, it will most likely will not break your mother's back..
- Music is, indeed, the soundtrack of our lives..
- It really is important to change and wear clean underwear every day.
- De-tangler is a necessity when you have a little girl.
- The spirit cannot dwell in an un-clean thing..
- The most important things in life, are never things..
- Whoever said that zits end when you are an adult either, a- lied. or b- made it so my last ten birthdays really didn't take place.
- Honesty truly is the best policy..
- Being two-faced is very un-attractive.
- It's best to use the lettuce before it browns..
- If you have a thought to bring that one other thing, be it a diaper, extra outfit, fruit snack... BRING IT. Life will be that much easier.
- A mother, when using the bathroom with the door shut, can increase her ability to hear her child if the child wriggles their fingers underneath the door.
- Family is everything..
I have been thinking a lot about past posts, attitudes displayed.. I don't want to come off as being materialistic.. I blog to document, to journal the goings on, day to day events, and many blessings of my young family. I also blog about the exciting new things that are coming our way..
Okay.. I'll just come out with it.. I am talking specifically about the Dyson.. my Dyson..
Sure, I am glad that I have it.. it makes my life much, much easier. Having a vacuum that works tends to do that to one's life.. but I don't want anyone to think that that (things) is what I dwell on.
I don't.
I just happen to be very excited about it..
And, like I said above, "The Spirit cannot dwell in an unclean thing.." (i.e. my home..)