happy.

I don’t believe in coincidences.

I can’t.

so with my choice to be happy, no matter what, I haven’t found it coincidental that there are so many things that just kind of happen, that remind me of what I am choosing out of life these days.

as I sat down to work (play) with the project life release from stampin’ up!, I saw no coincidence with all the happy things I was seeing..

as I end my days, I reflect on the happy.

I realize that not every day is entirely happy or perfect, and sure, as I journal, I note the things that are troubling. I don’t go into great detail about them, I don’t want that to be my focus. I seek out the happy, no matter how small.

my favorite is to look through the pictures I have managed to capture.. it’s happiness frozen.

I look ahead at what’s to come, not really “loving” all of it, but still, loving what I can about the now.

school will be out this week.

summer will be here.

I am trying to not look past that right now.. if I look beyond, that means another year of school. lynn one step closer to junior high. ashley getting that much more smart-assey, and peyton gone. all. day. long.

but I will take it one week at a time..

one week..

I am thankful that my goal to do project life helps me to focus, reflect, and to embrace all of the happy.

and wouldn’t you know, this week’s digital project life release is called “happy”.

nope, no coincidence.

here’s to another happy day.

so where should i start?

let’s see..

it’s been about, 5, almost six months?

that sound right?

yeah, well.

i will try to explain. try.

life kind of came apart back in august. I lived for the end of the summer, tried to fill it with fun and perfect everything for my girls, tried me hardest to make every last minute worth it, for me and for them.

with the girls going back to school, I was plenty emotional. like, that is an understatement. I cannot recall a year that was harder on me.

I mean, it’s always hard, and I always miss them, but this first day, I cried more than I think I ever did.

and it didn’t get any easier the next week when this one went to kindergarten.

along with these already anticipated blows, came another unanticipated blow.

my husband decided that he was done with church.

and I decided to keep it a secret until december. awesome christmas gift, am I right?

I really shouldn’t say that it was unanticipated, because, as I look back on it all (you know, because hindsight is always 20/20 and so forth), there were indications, I was just living in denial. it was either denial or an incredible state of hope.

I also started working.

I swore I would never do that as long as I had kids at home, but circumstances being as they were, I desired a) something to fill my time while peyton was gone for half of the day. and 2) I still wanted to be able to receive the blessings of tithing. I need them.

so as life was as it was, I lost all steam to do those things that make me, me.

I stopped scrapbooking.

stopped taking pictures.

stopped exercising.

stopped blogging.

stopped making treats.

(which was actually a very nice pairing to the whole not exercising bit.)

I stopped doing so many of the things that I thoroughly enjoyed, because I was so sad. I felt hopeless. I felt like everything that I had worked for for the majority of my life was falling apart, it wasn’t perfect, and I didn’t want to put this broken mess out there for the world. not for attention, not for pity, I just didn’t have the energy or the desire.

it sucked.

and as I look back on it all, I can recognize a very depressed girl.

I am trying to turn that around.

I am taking time for myself, trying to make time, and desire, to do the things I have always enjoyed.

don’t get me wrong, those voids were filled with some very good things too. as a side effect of my husband’s choice: my testimony is pretty dang awesome. it is going through this fortification process that is amazing. it is awesome to see how my heavenly father is blessing me in every moment.

I have friends, some I have never met in real life, who encourage me. they have NO IDEA what I am going through, but they are there (bugging me to get back at it.. ahem.. missy). I have friends from my past, just show up at just the right time, able to say just what I need to hear, not having a clue the blessing they are to me.

and let’s not get started on family. I have THE BEST. my dad and brothers have been ready to come and help me and my girls when we need the priesthood. my in-laws are wonderful and supportive and loving. my sweet sister-in-law (one of those sweet sisters-in-law anyway) told me back in december that I needed to start blogging again. she said something like, “you aren’t the only woman that is going through this. imagine the strength you can be to them, and them to you.”

I know I am not alone.

I really didn’t intend for this to be a tell-all of the drama in the pitcher house.

I just needed to do it, and stop putting it off.

I have a whole list in my head, all the reasons to wait. take new pictures of the girls.. make a new header.. get a few more project life layouts done. try to think of anything more to say than the despair and sadness I feel so often….

but I'm here.

and it feels pretty darn good.

it is still may.

oh, how it is still may.

I should learn to not commit to ANYTHING in the month of may.  well, anything besides the activities for the girls.  it’s a whirlwind of soccer and school.

oy.

we are almost done though!! 

5 days..

(breathe..)

five.

meanwhile, here’s a couple of new products from liv!

another awesome T + Mini: Work of Art.

love her minis!!  they come packed with amazing bits and pieces that you can use with everything and anything.  her previously released minis are some of my favorite go-to products.

(click on layouts to be linked to list of credits.)

and then there’s another volume of loopies!!

we are up to 4, and I can’t wait for 5 and 6 and 7 and…  well, you get the idea.

(I hope.)

we are halfway through another may day.  there has not been a single day this week that we have had nothing to do.  they have all been packed full!

lynn has executed her county report successfully, I hope.  I mean, I was there, and she was awesome!!  but we’ll have to see what the final score is.  she did her report on Kane county, we kinda know a little about it..  going to lake powell as much as we do.  we had the joy (sarcastic font) of putting together her powerpoint presentation rather last minute, and throwing it together from SCRATCH.  it was supposed to have been saved to her flashdrive, not there though.  so after subscribing to microsoft office, and getting the powerpoint program, we were off.  I have to say it really was fun.  my first powerpoint ever, and I am 33.  I couldn’t have done it without lynn guiding me.

our last soccer games are tomorrow.  kinda sad, kinda happy about that one.  the girls have come so far this year!  peyton can actually STAY ON THE FIELD THE WHOLE GAME.  she even runs and plays!!  ashley has become quite the defender.  she prefers playing back rather than forward.

looking forward to summer!

news to me.. it’s friday!!

seriously, I forgot.  I mean, really.  I didn’t even take the trash out last night.  aaaand, we have a full can.

blerg.

this has been quite the week…  merrill had a root canal (#2 for the SAME TOOTH) on monday, spring break started that day for the girls as well.  but guess what?  they are all sick.  I know, we have had our turn already!  (multiple times.)  but sore throats, and nagging coughs seem to be on the agenda of “fun activities”.  ash was fevering friday, saturday, and sunday.

so we have done, well, a lot of nothing.  unless you count dosing out cough medicine, ibproufin, and doing breathing treatments…

okay, just kidding, we’ve done some crafting too…

my brother got into an accident in southern utah, so our house has been slumber party central for a number of nieces and nephews.

between all the extra bodies, coughing, and not the quality of sleep I desire, I think that might be how I forgot today was friday…

anyhow, here’s a new product from liv:

I love ALL of liv’s scribbled anything…  I used some doodles on this page as well.

told you, I love them..

click on the page for full list of credits + links.

now go enjoy your friday!

(or whatever is left of it.)

excuse me while i wax poetic.

fall does something to me.

the sights and sounds of the season awake my senses in a way that make me feel as if they have been hibernating for too many months.

the smells, both inside and out.  the colors.  the feeling in the air.  the cozy comfort of being bundled up, whether in a warm coat and hat, or in a comfy blanket.  the day turning into night faster.  the smell from the furnace when it kicks on those first few times.  putting the down comforter on the bed.  spiced cider.  waking up to frost on the grass.  snuggling, with the whole family, on the couch underneath thick blankets.

those things are all wonderful, they all evoke a happy, contented feeling in me, but the thing that I am really thinking of, the thing that consumes my mind the majority of this wonderful time, are the wonderful first memories of motherhood.  the poignant memories of all those firsts.  these thoughts, while they make me feel happy, leave me feeling homesick at the same time.

homesick for those firsts, for the simple days of being home, with the world entirely shut outside, with a new little person.  life was so much simpler then. 

both lynn and ash were born in the fall.  I was pregnant with all three girls in the fall.  for me, fall will always hold that feeling of new life, being pregnant (and loving every second of it), anticipating the exciting arrival of a new little person, soon to enter our home.  all of the fun preparations and the anticipation are feelings I still feel when this season hits.

lynn being born, all of those firsts, are linked with the colors outside, that crisp scent to the air.  smelling and seeing these things takes me back to becoming a mother, feeling so fulfilled and joyful.  these are also connected to ashley’s birth, and life becoming just a little more complicated, but entirely enjoyable, with our little family, in our little house, with everything else shut out.  it was just us, and it was sweet.

I crave my children being small, being home.  the days before our home was opened to the world, to school, to other people’s thoughts, beliefs, and ideas.  when our time was our own, we had to answer to no one.  there was no such thing as homework, or difficult situations dealing with children that aren’t in our family, all of those other outside influences.  I miss being able to load up, go to grandma’s house for the day, staying there and playing, talking, maybe working on a quilt or other project, coming home in time to make dinner.  we had nothing else holding us down.  I miss the days when it was all so much simpler. 

there was nothing better than snuggling a baby all day long.  no chore more pleasant than taking care of that baby, nursing and changing diapers, rocking and singing lullabies.  the days went all too fast and left memories all too sweet.

there is also something to be said for the preparatory phase of a new one’s arrival.  the only thing as fulfilling as taking care of that infant was preparing our home for their arrival.  cleaning, decorating, washing and folding the tiny laundry, getting our home ready for a new person.  that was the meaning of life to me.

it still is.  and while the tiny ones aren’t so tiny anymore, I still love the life I live.  I still embrace every season of life, I know I have a lot to look forward to, but I can’t help that fall makes me feel homesick for those early days.

playing catch-up is a great form of exercise.

so merrill is home.

(sigh.)

he has been home for a week, but I have been too busy enjoying his presence that I have not mentioned it.

we have already enjoyed our first halibut dinner.  delicious.

we were also thrust back into real life (i.e. work and the daily routine) rather quickly.

so while trying to be creative, take pictures, mother, cook, clean, organize (because fall puts me in the mood to de-clutter and visit the d.i.), prep. for a certain 8 year-old to be birthday+baptism, soccer, tumbling, and getting a new hotel ready to open, I have managed to have some fun.

I had an especially fun night last night while I cleaned-up the old hard drive on my computer.  organizing the c drive and the external hard drive seriously define what fun is to me.  I am a geek.  I did a little happy dance when I found a long lost (think almost 8 years long) video.  I also did another happy dance when I freed up about 100 gb on my c drive.

I have many projects to document, I allowed only a week of the two merrill was gone, to be depressed, then I got crafty.  they are quite cute, if I do say so myself.

so, you can sit back and be patient, enjoy these here posts as they come.

here’s the scrapbook layouts I got done in september:

(click on the image for the list of products and junk.)

I wanted to do a quick layout of all the snippets of memories from this year’s trip to lake powell, and that is what the journaling of this layout consists of, those little bits.

my favorite memories:

- merrill surprising me with a playlist for the drive that had old, sentimental songs on it.

- ashley jumping off the top of the houseboat!!!  (she is my dare-devil daughter.)

- staying in reflection canyon.  (gorgeous.)

here’s a layout featuring a quote that I have used before, and HAD to use again.  the picture told me to do it.

and, well, I will NEVER get tired of pictures of my girlies reading.

never.

ash was so excited to start moby dick.

meanwhile, at the pitcher house..

I have some pretty awesome intentions.  like, they are unfathomably incredible.

but, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

yup.

I had dreams of the many things I would accomplish when the girls were back in school.

all the time I would have.

all the blogging and recording and picture editing I would catch up on….

not so much.

here is a bit of what has been going on whilst I have been truant:

merrill turned 33.

he didn’t want cake, but “crunchies” (our version of no bake cookies) instead.

(and it was nice to not have a large, delicious cake, sitting around, tempting me to eat it all, for every snack and every meal for the next 3 days…)

the girls started school.

*sniff*

we went to the brigham city temple open house.

we have been reading…  a lot still.

and we went to lake powell…

we rather enjoyed that.

now soccer season is upon us, and two of the three girlies are enjoying it.

currently, I am depressed.

(seriously.)

merrill has left me for two weeks.

left me for alaska.

I love the guy just a bit and miss him terribly.

if he brings me home some halibut, it might not be so bad in the end.

meanwhile, being a single parent has it’s sucky moments.

but mostly, I just miss him.

saturday fun with punkley pitcher.

“one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong, can you tell which thing is not like the others. by the time I finish my song?”

was what I sang after I saw this:

whelp, this is the kind of fun you are in store for when you get to spend an entire saturday with punkley (aka merrill) pitcher

we had the jacked-up water heater replaced by the best plumber EVER! and were feeling so high and happy, we decided to tear into the garage.

well, that’s not really how it happened.  we needed to shut off the power to fix our sprinkler system situation, but needed to wait for him to finish up, so we decided to tear into the garage while we waited.  it has been something that I have been slowly working at for a while..

we got the tool holder deal-ios from lowe’s, we had them at the old house and quite loved them, so thus, it was a necessary repeat here.   sad thing is, we are approaching 3 years here, and we are just getting to this…

wish I would have taken a before picture, but vomit on your keyboard isn’t good.

(you are welcome.)

he was in quite the silly mood (slightly giddy about the new water heater I supposed), so funny things like this happened.

his explanation for how it fit, went a little something like this:

“well, if there were a zombie apocalypse, these would all be considered weapons.  then the baseball bat fits.”

yeah.

anyways…

saturday was a very full day for us. 

- the water heater is no longer jacked-up.

- the garage is all cleaned out and organized.

- we managed to program the “home link” button in our pilot to the garage door opener.  hey, it’s only been two years (okay, almost).

- and after 4 trips out to “chad’s”, we fixed the sprinkling system.

that was quite the relief.

our controller, the timer deal, was apparently friend in a power surge (thankyouverymuchrockymountainpower…) and needed to be replaced.  initially, we thought it would just be the front panel, but not so.  the new panel was too big for our existing box, so we had to change the whole box, and happily so, because the new one is bigger for a reason, and a very good one at that.  there is a protection in it, for, get this, power surges!!!

merrill was playing the role of punkley quite well as we took out each wire from the old box to make the transition, saying such punkish things as:

“when we hook up the new one, it isn’t going to work.”

“aren’t you going to be pissed when we get this all done, and it still doesn’t work.”

“what is the problem going to be when this doesn’t work?”

see, punk.

all I could say to my dear punkley was: “there is going to be a pretty epic run-to-and-hug episode played out in our front yard when this works.”

I was functioning totally on positive vibolas.

he doesn’t have very many positive vibolas.

but guess what?

after we got all the wires fixed in their proper positions in the new box, and junk, we turned on the power, and started that sprinkling system up and….

IT WORKED!!

like it should!!

as in the way it is supposed to!!

and I ran to him, because we weren’t by each other, and he thought we were going to chest bump (?) but instead I jumped on him in that epic embrace, except for he wasn’t expecting that, so instead of both of us cheering, I was, and he was groaning.

then we laughed.

I hope I don’t have to drive out to chad’s again for a very, very, long time.

some talk about ceilings.

did you know that your ceiling is your fifth wall?
so i have been told (or read, rather) as i have researched the answer to the burning question i have:
do i paint my ceilings white, or the same color as my walls?
i have even polled some of my fav diy bloggers and have their opion on the matter.
you see, i already know MY answer to this question, it's just that merrill's answer is not the same as mine, and i am trying to prove to him that i am right, and therefore, our ceilings should be the way i think they should be.
i do not want to admit how much time i have put forth towards this effort.  that is incalculable at the moment.
but, no fear.  it (the painting of ceilings or any other surface in this house) will not be taking place any time in the near future (i.e. tomorrow).
for now, we have drama.
drama of the homeowner type.
- a water heater that needs to be replaced (and is on order).
- a sprinkling system that is on the fritz, not that we NEED to use it NOW, but we do need to get it fixed before we need it.
- and a little girl who wants to continually close her left eye.  i am wondering if this child has a misalignment or something of the sort.  still, not fun.
so while i would LOVE to spend money on fun paint to make our bedroom not so blah, i will abstain, and take care of what needs to be taken care of.
fun will just have to wait.
ooohhh!!  oooohhhh!!  i did have fun though.  i beautified my porch.
it's the little things i tell you.

the big confession.

I suck at blogging.

I suck at keeping up on anything that I really enjoy doing just for me.

I blame it on my children.  the number I have, their ages.  the fact that they go to school.  (well, the majority of them anyway.)  that they eat, dirty their clothes.. 

I wish someone would have warned me about the consequences of my choice to birth three of these time vacuums.

cooking?

cleaning?

laundry?

playing?!

reading books?!

homework?!?!

sheesh.

it’s a good thing I love them.

all joking aside, I wouldn’t give up being a mother for anything.  not even sugar or diet coke.  (see, totally serious now.) 

I remember well enduring those horrible teenage years.  dating.  that stupid game of dating!  I never want to go back to that circus..  wishing that I could be grown and married already, have a family and home of my own.  *sigh*  life was going to be so much easier when I got to that point.

truth is, many days, I wish my biggest stress was a spelling test or mastering a cursive “r”.  dealing with a total punk on a date?  piece of cake.

there are many days when I look at the day ahead, and get excited for bedtime.

there seems to be a never-ending list of things that need to be done, things that I want to do, and things that I should do.

guess what?  I never get it all done.

there are days when I go to bed, feeling like I have failed, didn’t do all that I possibly could do that day.  I even compare what I do/have done, to what other moms and women do in the course of their day.  did you know that comparing is stupid?  like, really.  it is bad.  you shouldn’t do it, and it always makes you feel bad. 

did I already mention that it’s stupid?

I found this quote on pinterest, and it will be my mantra for the next little while.

a sister in our ward spoke in sacrament meeting a couple of weeks ago, and her talk was an answer to my prayers.

she likened our lives to a triathlon.  there are many participants of different ages and differing competitive brackets, and they all race a different race.  their swim/bike/run might be longer or shorter than yours.  they might have signed-up for a different race complete with different distances than you.  you might start out your swim with one group of people, end up swimming with another group of people, and start your bike race with an entirely new group of people.  ride the bike portion with people you’ve never seen before, finish with another bunch, only to run with an entirely different group.

dude, you can’t compare your race to any of theirs.  they are not running the same race that you are.  yeah, that 80 year old lady, she isn’t running the same race you are.  neither is the 22 year old guy with endless energy.

I learned an invaluable lesson:  some people are able to do certain things with their life, with their time, right now.  they are different that what I can do, right now.  while those things would be good, no doubt beneficial, it is not my season for those things.  I cannot go to the temple everyday, not even once a week right now.  someday, when everyone is in school, I can do that!  while I would love to be all caught up on my scrapbooks, instead of stuck in 2008, I don’t have the time to dedicate to that.  sure, I could if I chose to, and that would mean choosing to neglect other things that really need to be done.  I would love to have a pre-baby body (shallow, I know), and realize that that could take hours out of everyday if I went as gung-ho as that pursuit would necessitate; but I would much rather spend my time, creating an environment that encourages health and happiness for my whole family.  I would rather spend time with peyton, teaching and helping her throughout our time together at home, instead of spending hours working out.  now don’t get me wrong, I exercise, occasionally…  just not hours at a time, or very consistently for that matter.

maybe one day, when all the kiddos are at school, when they don’t require as much “hands on” attention, I will have some time to do some of these things that I am interested in.  I am not complaining.  I get to do things that I like to do now, it’s not all work and no play over here.  (I am not insane, yet.)  there just seems to be a growing list of things I would like to learn/do/improve. 

so while I don’t update the happenings at this house very often on this here blog, you can be sure that it is for a much more worthwhile cause.  (like helping a third grader with math homework?)

and while I may not visit some of my most favored areas of the internets, it is most likely for the same reasons.  thing is, that is one of my favorite relaxing activities.  I love to see what my friends and family are up to.  I like to see what is being created, I like being inspired.  (I don’t like so much getting inspired and not having the time to create..  that bugs.)

I am just going to try to keep on being the best wife/mother/friend/comedian that I can be.  and I hope that I will become a master at time management so I can do all the things I enjoy.

(without the aid of obscene amounts of caffeine or illegal drugs.)

the universe discovered who I married and is now, most assuredly working against me.

once upon a time, I had a washing machine.  it lost it’s water level adjuster knobby thingie twice (once we retrieved it from the nether-regions of the washer, the next time, not).  it also made a horribly horrendous banging/clanging/serial killer is coming after you loudly sound as it spun and the load became un-balanced.  it also leaked something awful.  that leakage was worsened by the fact that the laundry room at this particular house does not have a drain in the floor.  those are quite convenient when you know the luxury of having one.  this old (as in former, and well, aged) washing machine of mine also had an agitator that resembled a new york city skyscraper. 

(i.e. it stuck up out of the bottom of the washing machine tub.)

now this agitator did not only agitate the laundry, it agitated me as well.

it liked to tie our clothing in knots.  knots so wonderfully tied that I could usually take one whole load of laundry out, in one knotty mound, and deposit it into the dryer.  one shot. 

(it was really quite annoying.  one sleeve being longer than the other?  that is not fashionable.)

now something must be said of how excellent my dryer is.  it could magically untie that massive knotted mound of wet clothes quite magically.  wonderful dryer..

(that is why I kept it around, and the washer..  well, not so much.  what did it magically do for me?)

that old agitating washing machine also liked to munch on drawstrings like they were rope licorice and get them all in a tangled, wet, tightly wound mess.  they would wind themselves underneath and around the skyscraper-like agitator.  that is quite the olympic feat to get that mess undone, especially when you are 5’ 2” and you are dealing with a super-capacity washer.

(i.e. it’s DEEP.) 

during it’s last few weeks with us, it started to smell something awful.  I later found that along with a leakage problem, it also had a drainage problem.  old water would get stuck inside the washer, and well, I discovered that it smelled like fish tank water.  fish tank water that has a fish or two (or ten) swimming and eating and pooping in it for a good month.  that little issue made our laundry smell not so freshly laundered.  it was quite gross and it gave merrill a complex that he had major b.o. for a couple of days.

(that was kind of funny.)

but the thing that that agitating agitator did that was so extremely agitating, and is now coming back to bite my butt is this:

it tore a hole in the back of my waterproof mattress pad.

(okay, not mine, per say, but one that I purchased for the girls’ beds.)

so I was thinking, the last time I laundered this wonderful waterproof mattress protector, it really isn’t a big deal.  if I place this spot where the hole torn in the protective plastic goes, at the foot of the bed, where littlest wee-wee-er can’t really get any wet mess, I will be totally jake.

(jake as meaning “okay” or “alright”.)

that is what I was thinking. 

not only that, I thought I was really covering my bases putting it on ashely’s bed, who hasn’t done anything wet in her bed in years.

situation neutralized, or so I thought.

then one night, the universe, who apparently has a beef with my dear husband as I have explained in the past, discovered who it is that I am legally and lawfully wedded to.

you see, peyton, who has had an issue with this whole nonsense of daylight savings time, has tried to sneak away either right before dinner (like as I am making it) or during, when my choice of meal preparation for the night has somehow offended her, and takes herself a nap.

then, there is part two of the most recent issues with my wee-est child, she has started wetting-the bed (and the couch, and the floor) again.  only during bedtime and these aforementioned ill-timed naps.

so here is where the universe started laughing in my face:

one night, when my choice of cheesy potato soup offended this little girl, she went to take a nap.  after we finished eating (because cold cheesy potato soup is not delicious), we all went hunting for the kid.  she was not in her bed, not by her bed, not in her closet, nor on the couch.  no floor held her.  not even my bed had she chosen. 

she was asleep at the foot of ashley’s bed.

where she peed.

which pee, went straight through that four inch square space that was not protected by awesomely protective waterproof mattress plastic protectant, and soaked right down through that flowery mattress.

awesome, universe.

since when aren’t we friends?

needless to say, we have been giving lots of bubble baths, washing lots of sheets, using lots of fabric softener, and I bought a case of goodnights.  I am sure they would be more helpful (and I happier) if I used them for good-ill-timed-naps as well.

in closing, I would like to add that our family got a new washer as an early christmas gift (thankyouverymuch!) and I love it.  I could watch the laundry be laundered all day long..  it is quite fascinating, really.  and I fixed my dryer which had an issue.  I wasn’t about to keep that agitating washer around much longer.  sure we could have repaired it’s issue(s) all except for that one, very agitating one.

those funny little things that happen that make life, life.

I have three little girls.

they add a fair dose of drama to our house.

a lot of humor.

too much excitement at times.

here’s just a sampling of the shenanigans that have gone on the past week:

lynn has another loose tooth.  she won’t let me touch it, but complains about how it bugs her and has given her a sore on her tongue from playing with it.

she is also terribly nervous about the moment (which will inevitably come), when her third grade teachers will start to throw all of the “hard” stuff her way.

she passed her level one, basic ice skating class!!

she has also started channeling her inner comedian.

then there is ashley.

she is growing up. 

the child who was once afraid of talking in front of people, saying prayers in primary, etc.,  has started to voluntarily, and by herself, fill in for kids who aren’t there.  amazing!!

she is also the child, who will lose things.

she is at school all day now.  (sniff..)  which means she doesn’t have lunch with me anymore. (sniff..) which means that I pack lunch for her to eat at school.  (sniff sniff..) 

now I could put her lunch in a boring old brown bag, but that might just depress her.  if I put it in her fun hello kitty lunch bag, it will make her happy, but she will lose it.  honest!

so as school started last week, so did the eating lunch at school minus her mommy, and the hello kitty lunch bag went too.

it came home two days in a row, and the third day, it was forgotten.

now do I know my kid or what?

it was happily reunited with us friday.

she is also obsessed with dinosaurs.  mammoths are her favorite, and she will happily recite random facts about them to you if you listen.

(allosaurus is a close second.)

and the youngest of our bunch has an obsession with taylor swift.  I need to record her singing along to a few songs and post it.  it’s pretty darn cute.

she is also currently idolizing mulan.

she even butchered her hair (but not obviously), in an attempt to be like her.

I swear, every time I fix her hair, I find a new spot that has been trimmed or scalped.

p.s. merrill turned 32 on saturday.  he desired a low-key day, no cake, but he does make a handsome 32 year old!

risk factors of having long hair.

it’s funny..  the moment i actually get a second to myself, to sit down and to type anything of substance, the first place my mind immediately goes to is my hair and the caution that seems to flow constantly with it.

sometime i will no doubt update the world (or me and the two people who might still cruise over to this corner of the www to see what we are up to) on the goings on of our summer thus far.  i will regale the tale of the cold/allergy fit 4 of the 5 of us had (still not sure which it was really, it was just snotty, head poundlingly bad), our latest adventures, some funny stories, some cute pics.  ya know.  life stuff.

but right now is all about my hair.

the last time i had hair this long was when i had lynn.  if you do the math right, it was 8 and 1/2 years ago (okay..  a wee bit more.).  it was highlighted, split-ended, and long!!  i loved it.  loved it until she figured out how to grab a fist-full of it while she nursed, then it wasn’t so fun anymore.  yes, the hair-pulling and the summer heat, heat from the season itself, lugging around my hunk-o-chunk of a baby, and my hair, all pushed me to that breaking point to cut it off.

so here we are again,  long hair.

it gets stuck in my armpit, or between my arm and body.  i will attempt to move my head only to have it jerked back into it’s original position due to the fact that my hair is pinned by my own body!

then there is a similar quandary at bedtime, or at least the time i should be sleeping..  it gets pinned there too.  most unpleasant.

peyton has taken to tugging on it recently.  not to hurt in any way, she just twirls her own out of habit.  i can see why my hair might be enticing to her twirling-prone fingers.

but when she desires a shoulder ride has to be the worst for my hair and scalp!  that is the most uncomfortable of hair being pinned situations.

then there are the times when i am the cause of my own pain and torture.  do you remove hair from your clothing?  i hope you do.  i do.  there are times when i think i am innocently removing a fallen out strand only to find that it is just a solitary hair, still very much attached to my scalp.  it’s just so darn long!! 

then there is the grossest.

wiping small people when they are in need of such assistance in the bathroom.  that is where much caution needs to be taken.  one impulsive move can mean that the end of my locks end up in potty water.

see gross.

but you should know, I am not even playing with considering to think about contemplating the pondering of getting my hair chopped.  I am loving it’s longness immensely.

(hope you enjoyed my shallow post.  it is a poor attempt at humor, i know.  but give me a break!  it’s been a while.)

just in case something really bad happens to you-urance.

insurance.

such a joke.

we don’t really call it insurance here.  merrill and i refer to it as, “just-in-case-something-really-bad-happens-to-us-urance”.  because seriously, that is the only time it helps.

let me complain for just a minute.

(okay, maybe more than a minute.)

we have health insurance.  i really shouldn’t complain because there are a few people who don’t have it.  but having insurance puts me in a situation where i am tempted (repeatedly) to pull out my own hair.

because we have health insurance, we also have a monthly draw on our bank account to pay the monthly premiums that only continue to grow.  every year, there is the anticipation, waiting for the letter, telling us how much that premium is going to rise.  (it is really less exciting than i am making it sound.  i promise.)

in previous years, we have been able to re-apply, have our premium drop to the rate that a new customer would get.  there have been years where we have saved ourselves $60 (!!!!).  that particular year earned me a dinner at maddox.  if you don’t know what maddox is, well then, i am sorry.  you just don’t get how awesome saving $60 on your health insurance is.

the only problem with re-applying is that once you do it, you can’t for another two years.  so last year, as our premium expectantly rose, we searched out if it would be worthwhile to re-apply.

we would have saved $4.

that would have earned me a happy meal.

(whoopee.)

so we decided to wait for this year, see if re-applying would save us more money.  (the whole two year deal..) 

this year, that letter comes and our premium rises $62 and change.  we are nearly to a house payment (an old house payment) for a monthly premium.

this would be fantastic if our insurance actually did anything for us.  we get to pay 100% of just about everything.  well, until we reach our deductible, which has never happened.

so basically, we shell out a butt-load of money to health insurance premiums every month, but try our darndest not to have to go to any sort of doctor because, well, that is more money, out of our pocket, you see?

(surely you must…)

so, thinking that we would be able to save some money re-applying (certainly we would!) i call our agent to crunch some numbers for me.

it was laughable.

in a crazy “you are taking all of my money” sort of way.

we could save $6.

$6!?!

well, there are other options to consider as well…

raise our deductable?

drop that “supplemental accidental coverage”?

(which costs $39 a month, but i will go into more on why that isn’t going to be dropped.)

and then there’s other companies we could switch to….

so there was a firm “no” to the first two options.  who wants a higher deductible?  and that accidental coverage has covered our bum more than once.  think of every time that peyton has dislocated her elbow (twice that we have had to take her in for that, once at lake powell, and i fixed it.) and her broken arm?  the time ashley fell out of the cart at joann’s..  or our latest incident with the bowling ball/hand sandwich.  that’s right.  all covered 100% because of our accidental coverage.

i just got an itemized bill from our mother’s day/bowling ball hand sandwich er visit…  just a few dollars short of the one thousand mark.

that will all be covered because it’s an accident!!! 

(see, we won’t be dropping that…)

i have thought many times of arguing how the girls didn’t get sick “on purpose”.

“it was an accident!”

you know, just to see if it can work?

so we moved on to the possibility of a new company.

the first one, same plan, same deductible, $10 more a month, and restrictive as to which doctor we could see.

the second one, same everything, different hospital, $150 more than what we are paying.

it’s laughable..

(again, in that crazy kind of laugh..)

and i thought obama fixed health care? 

life in full swing.

summer is in full swing at my house and i am enjoying every minute of it.

i have been taking pictures of many fun things, and i get hung up, not wanting to “waste” time on editing them to post.  i will have to get over that soon cause they are too cute to not share..

i have to say that my most favorite part of summer is having all my kids home.  just having everyone around is heaven and i have to admit, i try to dissuade them from wanting to go play at their friends houses.  i just love having everyone here!!

besides that, i have to tell you of a funny.

merrill and i like to torture one another. 

i don’t like clowns.  he tries to get me to look at them.  the other night, it was a special clown pick on “american pickers”.  seriously?  i should insert the link to the article that was recently in the paper about coulrophobia.  people, it’s real.  1 in 10 people are afraid of clowns.  you just don’t hear about it because we don’t seek out therapy, we just avoid the circus.  merrill thinks it’s funny.

but there are things that he doesn’t find as funny.

like doctors.  needles.  insurance.

so i decided to get him back.  a couple of days later, as i was getting ready for bed, i told him in great detail about my doctor’s appointment that was coming up.

you know..  MY doctor.

so fun.

anything doctor related makes him squirm, so when i start to divulge details about latex gloves, long q-tip thingies, ky and the sort, he squirms.

it’s fantastic.

but let me tell you..  my insurance company has been calling, sending letters, telling my that my ob/gyn “misses me”.  yeah right.

(i guess that i shouldn’t have let it go for three years.  whoops.)

i am sure that all three obs who have explored my reproductive areas have been doing math, calculating how long it has been since they have seen me or my cervix. 

(read that above statement with a heavy sarcastic tone will ya?)

doubt they miss the “v” that much.

now as i am trying so hard to be ladylike about this, it is also a sore spot emotionally.  i won’t get into it now mostly because i am in my happy place..  and because i have my eye makeup intact..  but i will say i cried.  something about checking a box that says, “my family is complete” is just a little heart-wrenching.  

but i am not sure how much worse chillin’ with a clown would be.

what to do while your files are transferring to your new external hard drive..

why you rack your poor, tired, probably bloodshot brain, to think of updates to blog about.

let’s see…

ashley’s hand is a magnificent shade of purplish/green.  still can’t make a fist, well, because it is still swollen awesomely as well.  no blood-filled bubble, but an awesome contusion.  her splint “accidentally” came totally unwrapped yesterday.

(yeah, you buying that too?)

get this..  peyton asks merrill first thing this morning, right after her little eyes pop open (in our bed..  bed hog), “daddy?  will you turn on simpsons?”

his answer: “i can’t right now, but they will be on later tonight.”

her response: “yesssssss!”

the kid also drew a mural on ashley’s wall, probably the same time ashley’s splint and bandage get up was “accidentally” falling off of her hand, with the markers from the dollar bin at joann’s.  they don’t come off the wall unless you really work for it, and when i say “really” i mean reeeeeeeaaallllly work for it.  the wall is now dull.  it needs paint.

(so does my obscene basement.)

so i think i will buy plenty of paint.

;)

(i do have plans for that…)

lynn lost another tooth.  she freaked-out, saw her own blood (all two drops of it on a tissue), turned a whiteish/green and i promptly made her lay down.

there is another one that is on the brink of falling out.

she won’t let me near it.

i plan on “flossing” her teeth tomorrow.

(insert evil laugh here.)

while sitting in sacrament meeting sunday, ashley looked over at an older gentleman in our ward, one who has a good, full white beard, and asked me, “mom, is his name lonesome dove?”

well, if you haven’t watched that particular mini-series, you don’t get that.

you might not get it if you don’t live in our ward and know who i am talking about.  it made me laugh, pretty hard, and well, that is all that matters.

so here i sit..  and type..  while forty-something gigabytes transfer to my new, gigantic, external hard drive. 

why am i doing it now?

well, because i just edited the cutest pictures i think i have ever taken (well, i love them now, like, a lot..) and i have this nagging feeling that as soon as i go to bed, start to dream about happy things, something will inevitably happen to my computer and all will be lost.

i took these pictures yesterday.

i edited them all today.

hard work.

done.

fate.

not my buddy.

am i making sense?

free cell is a good way to spend this time.

A Series of Unfortunate Circumstances.

I had a fantastic Mother’s Day yesterday.
I didn’t know that one mom could get so many cards!!  I have to have the sweetest three girls ever..  oh, and the “Ninja” that Merrill “got” for me.  (Or that I got for myself and told him that it was from him.  Thanks Merrill!!  Aren’t the smoothies and daiquiris yummy?)  See, great guy too!
We spent the morning much like any other Sunday morning, taking our time getting ready, herding girls to get their hair fixed, packing the church bag, counting fruit snacks..  practicing to sing in sacrament meeting..  you know, the “usual”.  Yes, the usual indeed, peppered with cards and a few more hugs, kisses, and “I love yous” than usual. 
After church, we had a family get together for mother’s day.  It was originally to be held at my brother-in-law’s house, but due to rain, was moved to my mother and father-in-law’s house. 
(First and second unfortunate circumstances.)
The plan was to eat, and visit for just a bit, so we could make it to my mom and dad’s house, and get the kiddos home in time for a bedtime that wouldn’t be offensive to our Monday.
We arrived to find that the grill wasn’t getting hot enough to cook the food to a consumable point, so dinner was a little later than initially planned.
(Third unfortunate circumstance.)
The food was finally ready, and people began eating in stages.  We started with small children, they are the most vocal about eating, and moved forward.  By the time the adults were eating, the kids were done and off playing.
During the clean-up process, just as we were readying ourselves to leave, a cry came up from the basement.  It was attached to Peyton.  Being offended, somehow, and not having had her Sunday nap, she was tired and I was trying to console her.  Then a second cry started in the basement.  It was Ashley.
It wasn’t good either. 
It was a cry with a reason behind it.
While trying to befriend a bowling ball, save it from getting knocked around at the opening of the ball return by another arriving bowling ball, that other ball came to make her hand the meat in their bowling ball sandwich.  Little Ashley’s hand didn’t look so good.

(Okay, so the pictures suck..  they were with my phone.  Yes, suck indeed.  Just imagine a skin bubble filled with a quarter cup of blood on the back of her hand, okay?)
The whole back side was puffy, half of it a bubble of tender skin.  Ice was applied and we took off.
Merrill and the girls went home and Ash and I went to the E.R. 
She was afraid.  Her fears were expressed as I was putting ice on it at grandpa and grandma’s.
“I don’t want to die!!!”
She really didn’t want to go to the hospital, and she told me why today.
“I thought they were going to cut my hand open with scissors.”  That little explanation was followed by a shudder.  Albeit a cute shudder.
On the short drive to the hospital, I called my mom to wish her a happy mother’s day, and to tell her why she wouldn’t see us that day, give her a big, fat I.O.U. and to tell her I loved her.  I think that in that moment, prayers were sent up from all around.
I know there was a non-stop prayer in my heart, silently uttered in my mind, repeatedly.  Lynn told me that when they got inside the house, they prayed, Peyton told me that she said a prayer too.  I have no doubt, that there were many prayers offered on behalf of my little girl. 
We said a prayer too, right before we went into the emergency room.  And I mean, talk about flashbacks!!  That was where we entered the hospital the morning we had her.  Right above the entrance was where the helicopter landing pad is, right below where our room was while I recovered after she was born.  Just another day for this mom.  That hospital holds so many memories..
She was more calm as she saw just how many kind people were there to help her. 
I can tell you that I was asked seven times (no exaggeration) if I was her mother.  Seven times by seven different people.  I was tempted to show the last couple of those askers my c-section scar to prove it. 
 
(She cheered-up pretty quickly.)
We played “I spy” to kill time (she loved that turn-of-phrase), and I told her all the stories I could think of that were hospital related. 
The doctor there was a good guy.  He talked about all things “Tangled” to her while he took care of her.  His initial assessment was a broken blood vessel, what with the bubble on the back of her hand..  but ordered X-rays to be sure.  As he left the room that first time, he asked her if she had any questions for him.  She just shook her head.  He said, “Not even about what I like to do when I don’t have to work?  How rude!”  That got a giggle.
Then the radiologist came, asked Ashley a few questions, asked me if I was her mother, and asked if we were really bowling at grandpa and grandma’s.  (“Who has a bowling alley in their house?!”)  Then she asked if Ashley wanted a ride down to the radiology room.  I think that was her favorite part of the whole visit, being wheeled around in that wheel chair.
(I must also note that I was trying to not be the over-excited mom, taking pictures of the whole process..  but my, but she was so darn cute in that chair!!)
I am not a radiologist by any means (but I have seen a few X-rays in my time…  thank you Peyton.), but hers looked normal to me.  I was hopeful…
They looked “normal” to our doctor as well, but he was still concerned about her mobility.  She couldn’t manipulate her hand in some of the ways that she needed to, the swelling was an factor in that, sure, but he was concerned about her age and the development of her bones, things he might not be able to see that second.
He decided to splint her, immobilize the hand so the bleeding would stop, and if there were any breaks they could begin to set.
As he started fitting her with her splint, she asked him, “Does a force field come with this?”  Totally caught him off guard and their silly exchange only continued.  He was a nice guy.
So at the end of our day, as we were finally leaving that place, Ashley tells me, “It was the worst and the best Mother’s Day ever.”
“How was it the worst?”
(Like I didn’t know.)
“Well, I hurt my hand.”
“How was it the best?”
“I got to spend lots of time with just me and you.”
So as I look back, sure, it was a series of unfortunate circumstances (much like in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.  LOVE that movie…) and if one thing had been different, maybe this wouldn’t have happened to our little Ash.  You know, the bowling ball sandwich stuff and the following events.
Had it not been raining, we would have been outside, at a different house, one that doesn’t have a bowling lane in the basement with an over-excited ball return.
Had the grill been hot enough, maybe we all would have been eating together.
Had we all eaten together, maybe they wouldn’t have run off to play, or needed to go by the exciting bowling lane and over-excited ball return.
If we had been able to eat earlier, maybe we would have been gone, to the other grandma’s house.
If any one of those things had been different, maybe, just maybe, Ashley’s little hand wouldn’t have been there trying to move a bowling ball.
See, what if.  Maybe.
But if things had gone that way, then Mother’s Day 2011 would have been just another Mother’s Day.  It wouldn’t have been the best and the worst and Ash and I wouldn’t have been able to spend time as just us.

Whereabouts and such.

I could easily throw myself into typing a rather lengthy list of reasons why nothing seems to be going on here (perhaps that would answer some of the almost panicked e-mails that have been arriving in my inbox these last few days?) but that would be sufficiently boring, I am sure.

I can tell you that the headaches I seem to have are not friendly to a computer screen.  Not really friendly to much to be quite honest.

Then there are projects that I have been working on, that are very friendly to my headaches.  Projects that require not much thinking at all, repetitive actions, and lots of holding still, or being semi-still. 

There are also possible reasons/causes for these awesome headaches..  just a few theories: 

- allergies

- sinus issues (due to the above)

- sleep deficiencies

- children (reason for sleep deficiencies)

- old age (?)

- too much sugar

So following one of the possible theories, I, in a rash decision (according to Merrill), vacated my craft room to turn it into a bedroom for Ashley.  If you, or he, were here to experience what  a non-peaceful event bedtime was, you would have done the same thing.

Ashley and Peyton are not good roommates.

Well, that actually depends on who you ask.  They would say that they make fantastic roommates, I would have to disagree.  You see, Ashley has encouraged, cheered-on her younger sibling to ascend the ladder to the top bunk to “hang out” and “talk”.  I took that ladder away.  I took it far, far away, and then what does the older, influential sister do?  Why teach her younger sister how to scale the bed frame, using the windowsill, whereby to gain access to that upper bunk.  The look of triumph on that littlest girl’s face was magical.  The look on mine was pure annoyance, a sheer second of shared excitement, but mostly annoyance.

(Fantastic roommates!  If no one needed to sleep.)

Bedtime commences around here at 8:30.  They would usually fall asleep somewhere after the final beating, or to people who go by actual “time”, roughly 10:30 pm.  Sometimes later, after more beatings, and various threats.

Bedtime for me, took on an entirely different name.

Thus, the move.

Justified?

Totally.

Ashley does love her new room, I have somewhat enjoyed putting it together.  I only wish that the weather would cooperate so I could finish painting a shelf to help rid the floor of it’s newly inherited mess.

Bedtime, is back to being bedtime in my book.

(Success!)

Meanwhile, I am homeless.

My stuff, the whole lot of it, sits in one of the unfinished rooms in the basement, waiting for me to feel inspired as to what to do with it.

Merrill seems to think that I should take the large room in the basement.

(Well, that is only after the thought that I was too “rash” and should not have given up my room in the first place, but remember, *he was not present for the hellish routine of bedtime on the most hellish of nights*.  “Rash”, I think not, I have been pondering the move for quite some time now.)

Now back to that room in the basement.  It is a very nice, large space, with sucky morgue-ish lighting.  It also has a wall color on one one (thank heavens) that resembles a place where bright orange outdoor basketballs have been massacred.

Can I be creative in a poorly-lit basketball murder scene?

(Quite a coincidence how the two of those details go hand in hand..)

No, I can not!

I need a color that inspires, lighting that makes me feel alive!

So maybe, once I feel better, I will want to paint, and move on in…

Meanwhile, I am homeless.

Oh, and I have a headache now.

Random.

Fritos.

We love them.

(Especially with our taco soup.)

But yesterday, while enjoying above-mentioned soup, Ashley and I happened upon this cute find.

So glad we didn’t crunch it right away.

Slice of life.

Life for me lately, has been all about the kids.

It seems like they eat all the time.

After school snacks are a must at our house.

Golden Double Stuff Oreos are usually that fare served.

While I would like to take more time doing all the things that I enjoy, I try to immerse myself in the life that I have chosen: to raise a family.

Pictures are slow in coming around these parts.  I tend to take more time in taking them, wanting them to have meaning. 

But I so enjoy these little snapshots of our life.

(I really like Double Stuff Golden Oreos too.)

(But don’t tell my younger brother, he thinks that is blasphemy.)

Go see what life is to others…