Take one.

Here goes my first shot at this.

It has been weighing on my mind heavily, and those closest to me know all about it, but I guess it is just part of being woman.

(Sorry for the re-run guys..)

Let me just say a few things before I dive headfirst into a pool full of my feelings, I am happy.  I really am!  It is just difficult sometimes when life isn’t where you thought it would be at a particular point on the timeline one has mapped-out for one’s self.  This post is not meant to be a guilt trip (Merrill..), just feelings.  Lastly, I do not intend to hurt feelings, again, this is just the way I feel. 

My mind has been here:

I have said it before, at least 3,476 times that I know of, I LOVE being a mother, I LOVE being pregnant, I am one of those crazies who LVOES EVERYTHING about labor and delivery..  I just love being a woman.  I embrace my calling in life.

If I had one more, there, inevitably one day, would be the desire for “just one more”, and so it would go on and on until the end of time.  Even if I were physically incapable of bearing children, there would still be those golden memories of days past, the longing for those sweet memories and moments of this time.

I just enjoy it.

I have been focusing lately on what I do have, enjoying every minute of it, and not longing for what might/could/should be.

(In my personal timeline, #5 should be cooking away..)

Things were going swimmingly with my daily mantra until that mid-cycle time of the month hit on Sunday.  In all of it’s ovulatory glory (pretty sure that phrase was just invented, BY ME!) amid headache, backache, front ache, my body was screaming at me, “YOU ARE SO FERTILE!!!”

The one and only thing that would take all of this ovulatory discomfort away (since Tylenol and Advil weren’t doing what I thought and what is rumored that they should..) was pregnancy itself.

It is true.

That harsh reality led to another wave of the “I wish I were pregnant” emotion.

Merrill and I do talk about it.  He might try to tell you it is an every day occurrence, but it really doesn’t come up that often, and I can honestly say if it does get brought up, it is brought up by one of the girls, or an anxious grandparent. 

It’s not always me.

I will never understand the anxiety he feels as a provider, just as he will never quite understand the desire I have as a woman, to experience that joy, the happiness this experience brings to my life.

It just is the way it is.

I have trouble voicing these feelings out loud, in my own little nook of  blogitopia, because I know of so many who long for the same joy, who long for it the same way I do, but are having difficulty finding it, having it. 

I guess I just don’t want to seem insensitive.  I know that my situation is one of choice, not circumstance. 

I hope that this little outburst of mine helps someone, helps my own daughters, someday, to understand how I felt about this aspect of my life.

And now that my mind is clear, I can get on with it.

Something broke..

As I was driving away from dropping the girls off at the parade start point (more to come on that..), I drove behind, then past the hospital.
Something fell.
Then I could swear I heard a shatter.
It was my heart.
I knew I would have times when this particular phase of family planning, would feel more like a punch to the stomach, I just thought that the worst (for this week anyway) had passed for now.
But, no.
The hospital where I had doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, and eventually gave birth, stared me down, looked me right in the eyes, and brought with it all of those memories.
My mind, and eyes that are directly linked, were a flood of emotion.
So many thoughts and feelings hit all at once...
Every detail of being pregnant..
Labor.
Delivery.
Feeling the baby latch-on.. the toe-curling.
Memories that I want to re-create, over and over and over again.
I would have as many children as I possibly could, physically and mentally ;).
I would be pregnant forever!
Yearning..
As I think about all of this, I realize how blessed I am to have these experiences, to have the memories. Some don't even get that in this life.
Ah.. the millennium..
Anyone want to join my new club?
"Mommies that don't want to quit" or how about the: "I just took down the crib and am brimming with emotion: support group?
Really..
This too shall pass.

Homesick..

Have you ever felt homesick for something?
I am feeling that way lately..
While I am surely living in the "now", trying to not look too much into the future, but planning for it, and not dwelling in the past, I still get homesick for different times in my life.
Sometimes it's the newness of our relationship. While I still get butterflies anticipating Merrill's arrival home from work everyday, I still miss the excitement, the newness.
I will get homesick for each one of the girls at a different age, while I love them wholly and completely where they are now, loving everything they do and say.. I miss the firsts.
Right now, I am homesick for pregnant life..
It's amazing what can spur such feelings.
It ebbs and flows, but the other night it came on like a flash flood.
I was up, with the "pre-monthly fun stuff", my personal woe of insomnia, and I heard Chicago's "25 or 6 to 4" on a TV show.. gush! The memories flooded in. It's a song I heard so many times in the end of my pregnancy with Peyton, being up in the middle of the night with contractions, watching late night TV info-mercials.. Time Life music specials..
Wow.
Music has always had a power, a presence in my life, but it has hit me hard on this one.
I love it all.
I miss it all.

Flashback Friday..

It was 7 years ago today that we found out Lynn was on her way...
We had decided before we got married that we would wait a couple of years before we would start our family (even though I tried to convince Merrill otherwise many times ;)..)
So we were told many times that we would have to practice patience and know that sometimes, it takes a while for it to actually happen, especially after you have been under the influence of birth control..
So I convinced Merrill that I should go off the pill a month earlier than planned, just to get it out of my system, so we cold get a "head start"..
We didn't need it.. nope.. not us.
Two days after going off the pill, there she was!
It was two days before our second wedding anniversary, and I had been feeling funky for a while... kind of nauseous, hungry (a lot), craving vegetables at a late hour.. sandwiches?? (I am so not a sandwich person..)
Everyone was telling me that it was too soon.. I was imagining, and hoping too much..
But I decided to take a test.. first thing in the morning, the hormonally concentrated urine... Merrill was still asleep.
It was so hard to wait.
But there they were, those two pink lines..
I was elated!!
I woke up Merrill...
He was in shock, for two days.. he hardly spoke to me.

Mommyhood...

This was a tag on facebook, and Kaycee posted it on her blog.. she basically said, "If you read this, do it.." and because I do most everything I am told.. I am doing it here too.. and I am doing all three pregnancies, because, if you don't know me, I so love the memories!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?
Yes.. but came sooner than we thought.. we were told that it would take "a while" after I got off of birth control.. try less than a week.

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
Yes

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Lynn- SOOO EXCITED!!! I told everyone who would listen to me, that day...
Ashley- Relieved that I was right.. the early results EPT was WRONG!! Both times..
Peyton- Happy.. I am pretty sure I had an early miscarriage before her.

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
Never!!

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
Lynn- 22
Ashley- 24
Peyton- 27

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
Lynn- Took a pregnancy test after I was hungry all the time, and wanted vegetables right before bed..
Ashley- Got sick smelling seafood in Olive Garden, followed by going totally hormonal on Merrill for not observing Valentine's day.. which he NEVER has..
Peyton- Pregnancy test after discovering my clothes didn't fit.. oh, and craving a pint of Ben and Jerry's every day, and eating ALL of it in one sitting..

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
Lynn- Merrill
Ashley- Jaclyn
Peyton- Brooke?
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
Yes! Yes! Yes!

9. DUE DATE?
Lynn- December 6, 2002
Ashley- October 15, 2004
Peyton- February 23, 2008

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
Lynn- Yes, a little, but it was like Amanda's, all day long.. it ended pretty fast.
Ashley- Same thing..
Peyton- by far the worst... I thought I was having a boy for sure!!

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Lynn & Ashley- Sandwiches and vegetables
Peyton- Sweet, red meat, and root beer floats.. that's where the addiction started..

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
People telling me how big I was.. grocery store workers telling me what sex baby I was having by looking at what groceries I was buying or how I was carrying the baby...
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?
Girl..

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? Some times! :)

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
Lynn- seriously about 65
Ashley- 35 (I learned my lesson)
Peyton- 30
Still have the Jabba the Hut gut...

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
Three?
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
One was.. other two, nope.. they were family.
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
Lynn- No
Ashley- No
Peyton- No

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Ogden, all three times...

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
Lynn- went in at midnight, had her at 9:15 am.. so if my Roy high math skills are correct.. a little over 9 hours.. :)
Ashley- Went in at 7 am, she was born at 12:53.. via c-section
Peyton- woke up at 2:30ish, in labor.. got to the hospital at 3:40ish (I put it off a little to see if it was "real"..) had her at 4:45 am

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
Mer-Bear :)

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Lynn- Merrill, Mom, Kev, Darlene, Dad, Jaclyn.. good ol' Doc. Healy..
Ashley- Much the same crowd... + Lynn and Clint.. sub doctor Swift for Doc Healy..
Peyton- Merrill, Darlene, Doc. Bierer..

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
Lynn- Natural
Ashley- C-Section (LOVED IT!!! Awesome recovery!)
Peyton- Natural (VBAC- Vaginal Birth After Cesarean)

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
Yuppers!! Lots!!

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
Lynn- 7 lbs. 12 oz.
Ashley- 8 lbs 2 oz.
Peyton- 8 lbs. 14 oz.

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?
Lynn- November 24
Ashley- October 5
Peyton- February 13

30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Lynn Marie
Ashley Marie
Peyton Marie.. all after mom.. Mindy Marie ;)

31. HOW OLD IS HE/SHE NOW?
Lynn- 6
Ashley- 4
Peyton- one week away from 1!!! (sniff..)

Flashback Friday..

I am a bit weepy.. excuse me...
Exactly one year ago today...
This month, one year ago..
And I was complaining, mildly... pulled muscles and all..
I miss it!
Getting ready...
The anticipation of filling this crib with a new, sweet little baby..
Bringing her home in this..
So, while I miss it all, am terribly jealous of all you ladies with child or with newborns in arms.. while I may be a little emotional..
I have this:
And she's incredible!
I am thankful for the memories, and for blogging them, so I can re-live them, anytime, day or middle of night...

Flashback Friday..

This time last year I was pregnant with Peyton.. how I miss is!! Everyone being pregnant, or having brand new little ones, just makes me miss it even more.. but I figured that next month, there will be plenty of flash-backing about Miss Pey, so I dug a little further..
January/February 2004..
I got pregnant with Ashley.
We weren't really "trying", Lynn was 14 months old, I was still nursing her before bedtime, and didn't think the possibility was that great. But wouldn't be disappointed if it happened!
I remember it was my birthday. We went and ate lunch at Olive Garden, just walking in, walking through the smell of seafood alfredo, which made me nauseous, I knew I was pregnant. It was too soon for a pregnancy test, so I bought the EPT Early Results test (what a crock!).. It told me I wasn't pregnant.. so I waited the eight days (I think) to re-test, and the second one told me I wasn't pregnant as well. So I went on, being an emotional wreck, knowing I was pregnant, but doubting it because this stick I peed on told me I wasn't.. I knew I was, but somehow needed the proof, but didn't want to waste more money on tests. I even went to that place on Lincoln (remember Em?) that gave pregnancy tests for free, and they told me "nope"..
Fast forward to Valentine's Day..
Now Merrill's philosophy has always been that Valentine's day is a commercial holiday, that we should show each other that we love each other every day, and that a wedding anniversary trumps Valentine's Day. I have always known that he felt that way, and I usually get a card (love ya hon!).. so I knew something was up when I went all hormonal on him for not observing the holiday to the height of my expectations.
I took a different (generic, they have proven to be the best!!) pregnancy test, a day or so later, which confirmed the fact that I was, indeed, pregnant..

Freddy the Frog

Ohhhh Summertime! Today really felt like it, compared to some recent days. I used some of my more recent purchases. I got the buttons from Target today, and I got the felt flowers and buttons from Heartland during last week's excursion.
My day began a t 2:29 am. I woke up during a crazy dream about scrapbooking and politics, specifically colors of cardstock and how they related to Hilary Clinton, Barak Obama, and John McCain. Mike Huckabee was not really a prominent figure in my dream... as in real life... So I woke up thinking, "that was weird", and then realizing why I woke up. Something had caused me some discomfort. I laid there for a few minutes, well, about 5 to be exact... and there was another hard Braxton Hicks. I began timing. They came 5-6 minutes apart and lasted about 2 minutes each. This is just a re-run of one of my last nights being pregnant with Ashley. Nothing happened then either. It was a little uncomfortable, but worse was Peyton, being an absolute wild woman between them. I ended-up going downstairs to watch something... nothing is really on at 3 am... (John and Kate got their little boys potty-trained... there is this crazy ladder that you can crank and move while you are standing on it... the early morning news people aren't nearly as attractive as the morning anchors... see, nothing.) I sat there, on my towel, trying to doze with Peyton break-dancing every 6 minutes or so. I was trying to be reasonable while I was tired and trying to decide what to do. I decided to wait until something really happened, i.e. water-breaking, or real contractions, or pain... so I am tired today.
Mom and I went to Target and walked all over. I found lots of yummy treats to eat! I got some super cute dish towels, which I should really go and get some for Jaclyn, all I need to say is cupcakes... Mom got the girls a prize, more Princess Polly pockets ( I hate them almost as much as Mer does) for when Peyton comes, and Grammy babysits... they keep telling Peyton to come now. They want those dolls! We went to the mall after, not to shop, to walk. My feet hurt and are swollen a little more, but nothing else.
Now Merrill has gone to a concert "Armor For Sleep" (listen to "My Town", I like 'em)... at the request of his two cute little sisters. (I had to remind Mer to not throw his panties at the band...) So I am here with the girls, debating as to whether I should hop on the treadmill and see if he can get here in time. Quiet night at home, with whatever I want for dinner...
Lynn went to pre-school again today. She got to bring home "Freddy the Frog". We are supposed to document everything that Freddy does with us for the next day, well, and today too. He ribbits, "Are you sleeping", and let me tell you, I can't get enough of it!!! She is happy, so excited, so I guess that I am too. Soon, I'll have pre-school homework to do. I got a calendar for the month. Thursday is her Valentine's party.
Maybe Freddy will visit Labor and Delivery with us!

Nesting...

Can you tell I'm all about baby today??? These are my two nephews, born a little more than a year apart, my oldest brother's kids... BOYS... what are those like?
Today, I woke up with a slightly achy back. Merrill doesn't want to hear anything about it, it freaks him out. It has gotten worse all day. I am kind of crampy, some hard Braxton Hicks, but nothing else really... well, I guess more. The reign of mucus is over (oVeR-ShArE...), and I have an appetite, and I've been nesting. I got the house cleaned, the kitchen meticulously cleaned... I got my "to do" windowsill, with a lot of things that needed to be fixed, cleared-off, and I got all the Valentine's stuff finished.
Jen called from work to tell me that tonight would be great! There is only one other lady laboring, and I would get lots of attention... I told her I didn't want any attention. I really knew what she meant. I just want to experience the "Oh, my goodness, the contractions have started!" or the "pop" of my water breaking, on it's own. Just in case it really is the last time, as Mer would tell me... I don't want it to end, but I do... the anticipation is killing me!
I spent the day, 8 am to, what I was told would be 5 pm (but really ended-up being 6:30 pm), for the GE service guy to come. The water level knob came off the washer, which isn't even a year-old yet, the stem fell inside the washer... Since it's under warranty, you bet I called them out to come and fix it! I've been washing every load on what I am sure to be "Super Capacity"... way to save the environment Min... So while I was at home all day long, Jaclyn came over, we had a tutoring session... love that I feel so smart! And Brooke came over later for some last preggie pics... this is my fav... I even got my toenails painted! It took some experimenting, but I found a position that I was able to reach my toes! See, now I am ready! (Thanks Brooke!)

Kankles...

Here is as close as I got to a layout today... between Church, Sunday Meetings, and a birthday-birthday party (two nephews...), I really didn't have time! I'll do two tomorrow!!!!
This is my HOF submission confirmation.... eeekkk!

Please forgive the un-kept state of my toenails (little Hannah, where are you?), and the dryness of my skin, but these are my swollen ankles. They are not bad, but since they have only been swollen three times this whole pregnancy... this is the worst I've seen them this time around... I can leave an impression in them...

I think that maybe, just maybe, my body has subconciously been holding back until I submitted my entry... so maybe, just maybe, tonight? Tomorrow?

Even as we speak, I am making me some Broccoli and Cheese soup, with rolls... yum... I have wanted soup, and Milk Duds, all day long. I got home from correlation this afternoon, to scour the cupboard, trying to find something chocolate. The Milk Duds got slipped into my church bag...

The birthday party was so fun tonight! Cade and Evan... how cute. To think that next year, there will be a 3, 2, and 1 year old!!! Bet everyone is excited for their budgets that month! I heard for the third time today, about walking with one foot on a curb and one foot on the ground, how it's supposed to put you into labor... I tried it. My in-laws have one long step to go into the music room, like 10+ feet long... I went back and forth, countless times. I did have one great big long Braxton Hicks, and my niece and daughter laughing at me... I almost went and jumped on the trampoline (indoors, no snow on it), but I thought about how I pull muscles just rolling over in bed, and thought it not a wise idea.

I have plans, emphasis on the s in that word, for tomorrow, just stuff that needs to get done... we'll see how well the opposite thing works out...

P.S. I haven't had to take one antacid today.... weird...

Reasons...

This is all that I can show you... I did a lot today, but this is all that I can show you. In fact, after I post, I have to go and put this image in the place of a few others, because they will hopefully be going with my H.O.F. submission. That is if I can get it sent off before I... well, you know...
So as I got in the shower today, I noticed that my belly button is no longer visible when I stand in front of my bathroom mirror, I have dropped, and keep dropping. It hasn't been fun getting my tummy scraped every time I get into the shower, so since that is my best place to think, I came up with reasons why I am excited about having this little girl, and reasons why I'll be sad to not be pregnant anymore.
Reasons to embrace a non-prego state:
- I will be able to wear more than 2 pair of shoes.
- Lynn will no longer have to find those scrapbook embellishments that I drop on the floor.
- My toenails will get some much needed TLC.
- I will no longer pull muscles when I change positions in bed.
- I will be able to stand closer to the sink, the stove, get into the cupboards, etc.
- The front of my tummy will no longer get soaked while washing my face.
- NO MORE HEARTBURN!!!
- Bending over will be fun, since I will be able to and for the previous reason... nothing will be working it's way back up my esophagus...
- While nocturnal potty trips will turn into nocturnal feedings, I would rather be snuggling a cute baby instead of snuggling a roll of Charmin.
- I will be able to fit into the shower... now if I'll get one regularly...
- Loading three kids into the car, no problem... Now getting in and out of the car won't be a problem either!
- My "underbelly" will be covered.
- My tummy won't be scraping the magnetic-latch-thingie in the shower anymore! (For a couple of years anyway...)

Reasons to shed a tear or two... all of you moms can relate...
- No more little kicks or bumps.
- The hiccups will never be that cute anymore...
- I'll not have an excuse of why I am allowed to have a root beer float for lunch, and every snack that I feel like...
- No excuse to be a glutton.
- The "monthly visitor" will make an appearance soon...
- I'm never really alone as a mom, but having a buddy there, no matter what...
- "Ben and Jerry's", the whole pint all at once...
- Those late nights when I can't sleep because someone has the wiggles... I will miss that.
- The monthly excitement to see what's been going on behind my closed cervix.
- Peeing into a cup.
- Kisses on my tummy from two sweet little girls.
- The anticipation. While it kills me now, I will miss it.
- Being able to rest a bowl or plate on my own personal TV tray.
- Watching my tummy go crazy when I am in the tub...
I know that there are so many more...
I feel like it's so soon... but then I don't want it to end quite yet. But I can't wait to see her....

Still...

We had a fun day today, out and about. I got lots of fun things to scrapbook with... I was too stingy to use my favorites tonight, that and I didn't have the pics I really wanted to use printed off.
I am sooooo tired... I am wondering if I am supposed to get a really good night's sleep, and then it will happen...
I did bring a towel with me today, just in case nothing happened...
So who's still in the running, you might be wondering...
Ashley (has less than 3 hours...)
Nat & Chrisite - 9th
Jen - 10th
Ally0005 - 12th
Kelly - 13th
Brooke & Rachael - 14th
Jenny - 16th
Jaclyn - 17th
Good luck...

Opposite... Day # 2... oh, and Lynn's first day too...

I tried to remember a layout Jaclyn had on her display rod... I loved the color scheme...
This was last night... Lynn picked-out her own outfit and had to have a bracelet. She wanted braids in her hair, so all the other kids would think her hair was so pretty.
First thing this morning, I woke her up and she said, "Oh, my heavens!" The day began. She did so well. I have to admit I cried while I drove away... She was so put-out later at our excitement, asking her all about her first day. I guess she grew up while we weren't there...
So the day of opposites began, again. I woke up early this morning with pains. I thought to lay there and see if anything happened, so I did the opposite. I got up. I have basically been doing the exact opposite of whatever my first thought is for the rest of the day.
Examples:
I washed my hair. I thought I should fix it, I should look cute for post-delivery pics. So instead, I didn't fix it. Just blow-dried it.
I vacuumed the basement. I thought to leave the vacuum downstairs in the laundry room, the girls would inevitably make a mess later... so I carried it upstairs and put it away, just to get it out again later, and carry it back to put it away again...
I wasn't really hungry for anything for lunch. A "handi-snack" and "kit-kat" sounded so good. I thought that would be too unhealthy. So in the spirit of opposites, I ate it for my lunch.
I thought I would be so comfortable if I would just sit and relax, so I stood and walked for most of the day.
I washed my sheets today. First thought, I shouldn't sleep in my bed tonight... what if.... so I will sleep in my bed, because I laugh in the face of... whatever the opposite is to what I am thinking....
I have also been craving a root-beer float... for three days now... I had the ice cream... Jaclyn was so sweet to surprise me with half a gallon of A&W root-beer, love her! My mother-in-law has always told me that root-beer helps to bring in your milk... maybe that's why my body is craving it... will I need breast milk soon?
This is my most anticipated birthday gift... Merrill is busting his bum to put it all together for me right now. It is a tread mill!!! (Is that a hint?) No, I love it. Maybe I'll hop on it tonight, just to try it out (wink, wink)...
Tomorrow, we have planned a trip down to Heartland Paper Company in Bountiful. I plan to buy a lot of paper...

Opposite...

This layout really does count... it's just waiting for a pic that shouldn't be too far out...
I am blogging early... I am doing it because I think that I should really wait until later, just in case something happens... so instead, I am doing it now, in hopes that something really will happen.
Just like I think to leave all of the details for Sunday alone, because nothing will happen, I am taking care of everything that I can now, so maybe something will happen.
Instead of leaving the rest of my week open, just in case something happens, I am making plans, so something will happen...
I made another appointment for next week , so something will happen. If I didn't, then nothing would happen...
You see, opposite...
So the appointment today... I didn't have to wait for 2 hours. I did get some reading done! "To Draw Closer to God" by Henry B. Eyring, really good read. It is a bunch of his talks and addresses, so inspiring. I love that I hear his voice while I read his words!
So on to the good stuff...
- 4 cm
- head WAY down...
- no more thinning-out will take place until there is a baby nearly in my arms.
- she is close to 8 pounds (high 7 at the least)
- he could feel my amniotic sac, he was wondering why it hadn't ruptured, yet...
- and lots more mucus! (I know, over-share for some of you, excitement to me!)
He "stirred" some things up while he was there. I've been feeling crampy ever since... He said that he wouldn't see me next week with a baby in my tummy, I shouldn't go that much longer, but that's what the doc said with Ash, I went around at a four, for another week... He told me to make another appointment for next week, cause that would just be bad luck if I didn't. We also talked a lot more about the VBAC. I asked him some questions about stuff I've been reading, augmentation of the uterus, placenta placement, you know, weird stuff that I really shouldn't worry about, but I do a little because of Merrill. I don't even tell him about half of the possibilities that could happen with a VBAC that I read about, he's freaked out enough. The good ol' doc was good about all of it. I am not worried. Besides, whatever is supposed to happen, will. Besides, I'll get a blessing before we go anyway...
So tomorrow, Lynn's first day of Pre-School! I get to take a "first day of school" pic! AND I'll get to scrapbook it! I am so excited! So I am planning a post for tomorrow, all about her first day, the outfit, backpack, etc., and then the opposite will happen... my post might end up being mostly about something else... See, opposite!

Ben & Jerry's = Double Chin

So, I am sitting here, eating some Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake Swirl ice cream... (can you say YUM!) and I am wondering if this 9 month habit has helped to contribute to these cheeks and two chins. Okay, I know that the quality isn't great... the placenta and her arm cast a funky shadow, but they are there!
So after ANOTHER night of little sleep, this time it was more heartburn than pains, I was tired today. I had heartburn so bad! Nothing was helping, even my two antacids! I just prayed to be able to get comfortable so I could get some rest. I kept having this prompting to go eat a brownie and drink a glass of milk. I thought, yeah right, like a brownie and ice cold glass of milk will help? But after an hour of discomfort, coughing fits, and nearly throwing-up twice, I thought that this must be my answer... it was. See, even the things that seem the dumbest to us are still important to Heavenly Father. Don't question the answer, no matter how crazy or non-sense-like it may seem. A CHOCOLATE BROWNIE and ICE COLD glass of milk, helped. I slept well until Ash woke up, being crazy... she said it was a bad dream. Something about Michael Meyers and Sophie coming here and she was alone??? She's a nut...
I am:
2 1/2 cm
75% effaced
AND... negative for strep! WoO HOo! No penicillin drips!!!
She is:
dropped more (I knew it! There's no mistaking the feeling of a head moving in that region...)
7 1/2 pounds
and dang chubby... and cute too...
Doc says she won't be waiting until the 22nd... maybe Valentine's???
Any other bets?
This is all after a two hour wait to see him today... those other pregnant women... the nerve, having their babies when I need this information!!!
So here is the over-share of the day, but if I am going to blog like it is my journal, then I should pretend like I am really the only one reading... ANYWAY... I am losing my mucus plug... Mer got all grossed out when I told him, but to me, it is exciting!
Jaclyn got me moving last night... I got out all of my picture CDs for 2007, loaded them onto my computer one at a time, copied only the pics I needed to scrap, and burned a whole disc for scrap projects... now I need to get 2006 together, and figure out what I've already scrapped...
Here's the layout, the album is almost complete...

How many more days till February 11th?

Another winter day, the start of yet another winter storm. Is it true that babies come on stormy nights???

I am busily working away at my Hall Of Fame (HOF) entry. I am supposed to have it in by February 11th... yeah, good luck. I am usually so on top of things, have things completed ahead of time, but I am distracted, for some reason...

Last night, well, really early this morning, I started with crampy pains, then really hard Braxton Hicks. That would follow with Peyton moving around a lot. Nothing has changed over the course of the day, nothing less, nothing more. We'll see how tonight goes!

My sweet little Lynnie is so fun! She has been stuffing her dolls or stuffed animals down her shirt, and then runs to us, so excited. "I'm pregnant!" Last night it was, "I am having contractions!" I am so glad that she is old enough to understand, at least a little bit, and I hope that she remembers this.

I'm almost out of antacid...

I got a few things accomplished on my to-do list today... amidst another blizzard this morning, which kept me from other plans...
- sheets washed (will my water break tonight now?)
- taxes figured, all ready to send-off!
- the toy room cleaned-out, again
...not to mention all of the other day to day stuff...

I took this pic of Ash last night... she said that she was going to be a "cooker". I love how she thinks that the shower cap is a hair net.

Mer came home from work just a little late tonight. He was helping his Grandma. I know, what a sweet guy. The sad thing, his uncle, who is staying with her, seems to be completely helpless. Merrill and his brother helped him get un-stuck today too. Mer said that he really wasn't "stuck", he just didn't dare back down the driveway... I think he's just lazy. I could go on and on, complain a lot about him, but then I realize, Mer doesn't. There are a few comments here and there. But, for the most part, no complaints, just sympathy for poor Grandma. I am so blessed to have a good husband, who is generous and helpful. Love him! Reminds me of some brothers I have...

Oh, and I am almost out of antacid. I have enough left for 41 and 1/2 days... ever since the empty bottle on a Sunday night/apple cider vinegar incident occurred, I keep close tabs on my antacid situation. Do you think it will last? Will she come before I need more? She'd better. Hopefully, like with the past two, this nearly 9 month bout of heartburn will end with the delivery of a healthy little baby girl...

Carmel, part two...

I've posted Lynn's two pages, but I had to re-post, I added her little name... My layout was super easy tonight for Ashley's pics, because I ripped it off from Lynn's. This is the 8x8 album I've been working on since May... I am almost done, I think I have 4 more pages...

I slept really well last night. Maybe it was the carmel, maybe it wasn't... everyone else seems to enjoy the carmel too! Especially Lynn. She told Mer that the carmel was "so damn good". He had to help her find a better emphasis word... So back to sleeping... Of course I was up, who knows how often, changing position when something began to ache or fall asleep, or for an inevitable bathroom trip... but it didn't take me as long to fall back asleep.

I did have a really weird dream. I dreamt that one of the Primary teachers, and a girl who I knew as a teenager, were walking around together at a dance competition for Mer's sisters. They were walking and talking, and every so often, they would stop, and throw up! So random! Fast forward... At 8:30 am, the phone rings. I get it, it is this same teacher, calling to tell me that she has the stomach flu and won't be there to teach her class today. Is that weird or what?!?

My sharing time went good today. The Junior Primary had fun with it, both sharing times were about the creation.

Ashley takes things so literally. I gave all the kids a picture of something resembling a part of the creation, stars, flowers, different animals, etc. I told them to listen as I read the account from Genesis, and if I said something that sounded like what was in their picture, to stand up. We did this for each day of the creation. So as I read about seeds, plants, trees, and fruit, Ash stood up. She had the picture of fish. I told her that we weren't quite there yet. She pointed out to me that there was "grass", seaweed, in the picture too. I was amazed... my three year old is so smart...

Sacrament meeting was great! The activity day girls, ages 8-12, sang "I am a Child of God". They did so good! When they got to the chorus, I could hear other little voices in the congregation singing along. So sweet! How could I not cry? I do cry about everything anyway, now add in pregnancy and the voices of little children sweetly singing... I'm so sappy...

I am going to make carmel...

I had yet another hard night of sleeping. I was awake from 3:36 am until ??? I was so tempted to get up, and come see what was happening on line. Blogging is too bloggin' addictive...

We've been trying to get the girls better about going to bed. In the not too far future, they are going to have to get used to having someone else around, who is somewhat used to all their noise, but not to the bedtime ruckus... Mer had a talk with Lynn last night about how important is is that she listen and be a good example, you know, so life might be a little easier... She came to me, after this less than 10 minute chit-chat, and told me everything she learned from dad. She said, "He talked to me for hours..."

He's so good to take over in these kind of situations. He has been dong a lot more to help the girls, taking a lot off my shoulders. The only thing that they don't want dad to do: wipe their bums. That's still a "mom job". They'll have to get used to dad in that area though too... I don't know how I'll handle that when I am nursing... Daytime potty trips should get interesting...

There is no more room, I am sure, for Peyton... her movements seemed so gentle and graceful not that long ago, now they are hard! You can see limbs, and a cute little bum too, poking out. It's a little painful, as I don't think my skin, or what is supposed to be a bellybutton (I am very sensitive about that...) can take anymore violent moves...

Well, at least the house is all clean, and the laundry is all caught up... So after a full day today of Sunday prep., I think I will go make some carmel. I heard, when I was preggers with Lynn, that carmel helps pregnant women sleep. Nothing better than whole milk and a lot of sugar to get some z's! I wonder if it will work on two little girls too...

This is ridiculous...

Here I am, finishing another 2 layouts from 2005, one for me, and one for Ash, all about her first year!!! It's so ridiculous because I'll be doing this for another baby soon, I should have finished this long ago...

Thanks Christie for the fun link... I feel like it won't be quite that long till Peyton arrives...

Just feeling tired... I have forgotten how hard it is to get comfortable, stay comfortable, and when you are not, how hard it is to move, and how many muscles you pull in the process of finding that new comfortable spot... but I love it... I am EMBRACING every moment...