Day 17.

The culmination of this day started a week ago.

It has been a constant prayer ever since.  There was more constant praying the entire day today.  There was worry in there too, that the evening planned would be beneficial to all who were in attendance, then there was more praying to remove the worry and restore the faith.

As I sit here, at the end of this day, and the evening I got to share with my Relief Society sisters, I feel the love and calm, that only an answered prayer can bring.

I was blessed in so many ways.  The collective inspiration of board members as to what this particular evening should include, music, spoken words by those we were inspired to ask to speak, inspiration for the subjects they should speak about.  Inspiration and calm given to me at the temple when the worry peaked..  all blessings!

I don't beleive in coincidences...

I never have.
So today, as I was walking down the hall to Relief Society, I heard the first few lines of the opening song being sung: "You Can Make the Pathway Bright". That particular Hymn says the word "sunshine" in it repeatedly.
I knew that my prayers that have been going strong for over a month now, were being answered.
Tuesday, I am speaking at my sister-in-law's (twice ;D) enrichment.
The topic: "Sunshine in my Soul".
Do you want to take a guess as to what the practice song and closing songs were?
"Scatter Sunshine" and "Sunshine in My Soul"..
See, no such thing as coincidences..
The lesson, given by our most awesome Relief Society President (one right after another.. geez our ward is blessed!) was what I have been praying for this week. As I have been gathering all of my thoughts, and trying to organize them, I began praying for inspiration to know that what I had prepared was what these sisters needed to hear. I needed aid in the "polishing" process..
Today's lesson included all the thoughts my "talk" hits on. It also gave me a couple of scriptures that will help to emphasize key points.
There are no coincidences.
Blessings abound.

Hope..

Today I gave my first "official" lesson as a RS instructor.. I think it went pretty well!
It was about Dieter F. Uchtdorf's October conference talk (featured in the November Ensign), "The Infinite Power of Hope"..
The end of his message, touched me:

"The Lord has given us a reassuring message of hope: “Fear not, little flock.” God will wait with “open arms to receive” those who give away their sins and continue in faith, hope, and charity.

And to all who suffer—to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely—I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.

Never surrender.

Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.

Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart."

I so love Sundays.. the refreshing lessons, the spiritual re-charge I get.. the re-focusing. I so loved Sunday School today. I love Gospel Principles in the first place, love the discussion format, love the people in the class.. love the teachers. Jesse (or should I say Brother Hansen..) did such a good job presenting the lesson today, I really enjoyed it! He reminds me of my Mer-Bear.. quiet, soft-spoken, but has so much good to say and share!

Blessings..

I got a new calling today.. another one, I should say.
I have been feeling out of it since my release back in November.. really out of it.
I felt, quite a while ago, that I would be teaching in Relief Society, that was where I was supposed to be, not to mention that it sounded so fun! So I was thoroughly confused when I was called to be Cubmaster.
It didn't feel right.
But I can't say no..
I prayed that things would work out.
Since I consider myself to be a fairly positive person, I was looking for all the positives in the calling of Cubmaster..
- I would get to work with Christie, who is Committee Chair..
- I would get to work with Julie, the new Primary President..
- I would get to be with those fun boys! Love 'em!!
- Pine wood derbys..
- Once a month pack meeting..
- No more correlation, especially since this year it's early morning.. sorry Julie.. :)
But I still felt out of place, so not "with it".. I felt like my spiritual connection was fading. I felt like I was supposed to be doing something else, not this. Am I losing it?
I felt so confused..
Then this call came.
I felt so much better! I FEEL so much better!!
Further testimony that my prayers are answered.
It was further confirmed in a conversation I had with the RS president after I was set apart today.
She knew where I was supposed to be, waaayy back when I first felt it. And she waited, bless her heart! Her words, and let me tell you she is the sweetest person EVER: "I wanted to slap someone when they called you as Cubmaster!! You were supposed to be mine!!"
I am so excited for this, I feel like I have been preparing for it for a long time now.. I felt so good, when they called me to stand in Sacrament meeting, to have me and others sustained, when the sister sitting behind our family said, "Yess!!"
Approval.
So Good!!

Another Sunday... with NO calling...

Really? I am getting kind of worried... three Sundays out in open water, and still, nothing.
I did give the lesson today in RS, and I think it went well. I get into the spirit of that, and it feels like an out-of-body experience. I hope people actually understood what it was I was trying to teach...
Sunday School was awesome. It touched on things that I touched on in my own lesson. I love how things intertwine like that.
It was a rare occasion that the whole family slept in until 10 this morning. Kinda nice. Can't do that in a month.. 9 am church... woohooo!!!
Peyton is done nursing :(. She wants nothing to do with me. I had to break out the pump which was packed away, to help relieve the 2 day back-up from her not needing me anymore. She is doing things sooner than the other girls. Lynn nursed until I got pregnant with Ash, she was 14 months old. Ash gave up around this same age... but neither of them cut their first tooth until just after their first birthday. They were both walking around nine to ten months... that's where Peyton is, trying it out. I have had on my cute, regular, uplifting Victoria's Secret bra for maybe a month now... the only time I had been nursing her was at bedtime or in the middle of the night when I could catch her drowsy and unaware... no more of even that... I am sad, will I ever get to do this again? Well, I know I will... but I am so going to miss it!

No Primary today...

It was kind of sad, really surreal, to not go to primary today. It was so weird walking the kids to primary, turning around, and heading to Relief Society. I was glad that they put me right to work saying the opening prayer. The lesson was just what I have been focused on lately, the last days, preparation. It was so nice to have zero worries, to go and feel the Spirit and be taught. I did forget, and it really isn't ever a concern or worry to me, but I was asked to speak (kind of) in Sacrament meeting today. It was really a testimony, but was pretty much asked to give a five minute talk and bear my testimony on the worth of souls. That's something else I have been struggling with... my own worth.
I was asked to teach the lesson in Relief Society next Sunday, I am way excited about that!

What up?!

We've been keeping busy... that's how life is!
We had josh over the other night. Boys sure are fun! I just wonder if he feels the same way about little girls (note Ashley's expression)... our little girls to be more specific.
Last night, Mer's mom and dad took the two older girls to a Bonneville game to watch Kaitlyn and MiKell. We enjoyed dinner at El Matador with Pey. Everyone there missed the girls :(. It was chilly at the game, despite me bundling them up... but they sure had a good time! Love the shirts! Thanks Darlene and Dixon!
We also had a hands on (or should I say mouth on) lesson why we don't leave certain things where Pey can reach... Lynn has a hard time remembering this... her blue marker was the victim.
Today at Super Saturday for our Tri-Ward Relief Society activity, I finished Peyton's scarf. I had finished her beanie a while ago... this was the closest I could get to "Peyton Green"... I wish I could have found something more vibrant... It was fun to sit and visit!
Now she is ready for all of this cold weather and the little bit of snow we got today. Yes, snow.
We had such a darling speaker while we ate lunch today. She was the mission President's wife, Sister Joyce. What a cute lady! She said so many things that I want to remember forever! Christie said it best when she said, "I just wish I had a tape recorder!" I agree.
She talked about how we are all daughters of God. That we should be treated as such. She talked about personal revelation, Atonement experiences, how we shouldn't feel like we should have to do "everything". She also talked about priorities. I learned many important lessons.
One lesson:
"Is there a dog in the room?"
She related an experience she had with a young woman when she was teaching seminary. This girl spoke to her mother in such a disrespectful tone, Sister Joyce asked her, "Is there a dog in the room? Because I know you wouldn't speak to your mother that way." I'm gonna pull that one out on the kids when they get mouthy with me, with one another too.
Another lesson:
"Be Still."
When I am running around as a mother, I need to be still. Sure, there are lots of things that need to be done, many things that I want to do. However, I need to pause, be still, and listen. I need to be able to receive promptings and revelation and I can't make myself too busy to hear.
I was so thankful for this afternoon. I felt like a half-full cup. After going there, I feel full to the brim!
Merrill was so sweet and took such good care of all the girls, holding Peyton and snuggling her as she napped!
I am so blessed!

some of this n' that...

life lately...
catching up on this:
doing a lot of this:

shopping, both in stores and online...
hunting down the perfect board shorts for Powell! (found 'em!)and a bunch of other stuuuffffff...
enrichment was incredible last night! christie did awesome, as always... and as an added bonus, alison barber spoke too! two of the most incredible mothers i know... i learned a lot and came home feeling re-energized in my calling of "mother".
last night, lynn came into our room... we heard her crying, but we get a lot of that "girl emotion" when they are over-tired. so, she came into our room and starts to tell us why she is so upset. we are expecting some offense or other assult that ashley was the culprit of, but instead, we got: "i----... and then it turned into a language and sound that only the animal kingdom might be able to decipher. we told her to come and snuggle with us and we could talk about what was bothering her. after we got her to calm down so we could sufficiently understand her, it came out...
"i don't want to grow up. i don't want to leave this house. i want to be with my family forever. i don't want to get old and i don't want to die."
she was pretty upset and it took a while to calm her down. we told her that while we are sad to have these things happen, they are good things. growing is good. i also got to bust out one of alison's sayings from the evening, "it is called the plan of happiness... we are supposed to be happy!" she's been okay since... she came up with the solution to not living here when she gets "old" and the problem of not living with her family... she'll just move in here when she gets married, and then she and her husband and all of her kids can live here too!
i must mention (because i am so proud of myself... and merrill's happy too ;)...) i can now fit into 3 new pairs of jeans!!! here i come favorite jeans... here i come...

Random ramblings of randomness...

So I was in the shower today, the best place to think;)... and I got a lot of thinking done...
Of course it is all about blogging and what I should really record before it gets forgotten.
Merrill took his first shower since the whole cyst thing happened. He's been taking baths, which he says are disgusting because you are just sitting in a soup of your own filth, so pretty much pointless. He was so relieved to be washing his own hair and to shave his face. I miss the scruff already :(. I suggested a good make-out session to say goodbye to it, he was ready to have it gone.
So work on the deck, otherwise known as "that big hole off the back of my house", has somewhat resumed. I should re-gain my home instead of having "the New Yankee Workshop" in my living room and eating area. Nothing like dining with a chop saw...
We are getting prepared for kindergarten! We have been buying some cute tops (and ribbon to make the matching bows, thanks to Christie...) when we are out. I would have her school supplies all purchased if I could just remember to bring along her supply list! I swear, I've been out to Riverdale at least every other day for the past week and a half. Don't get me started on how much gas I've burned through.
We also briefly talked about moving, down the street but a different ward. LOVED the home... not so much the idea of a new ward, or the minimal yard (we want bigger for the girls), but mostly didn't love the higher monthlies. They wouldn't be awful, or impossible, but we don't want to go give up our comfort level, being able to do extra stuff. Plus, who knows how soon, but we will eventually have to get a new vehicle... can you say monthly payment? We haven't had one of those for years! But I still day dream about that house...
Ash will hopefully be going to pre-school for a couple of days out of the week. All the anxiety I felt about them growing up and being away form me, gone... Somehow, being home with them during the summer time has helped to lessen my feelings of wanting them to be near me ALL THE TIME... really near each other for any prolonged period of time. How is that drive to Bullfrog going to go?
The girls asked Mer to tell them a bedtime story last night. It was all about his cyst and the history of the cyst... they wanted to know about it, and asked that it be the topic of their bedtime story. They were quite intrigued. I had not a child wake me with nightmares of a cyst, or the ooze contained within, so I guess it was a winner of a bedtime story!
We stayed up kind of late talking. Those are always good times... we decided that Ashley is our Joe. We decided this after hearing her totally rip one in her sleep, and then laugh about it, in her sleep. She has also started this new thing of torturing Lynn. When they are in their room changing, she'll pull down her panties just enough that her butt crack is peeking out the top. She then turns it to Lynn and says, "Touch my butt Lynn!" And Lynn freaks out. So then it is funny to her, and Ash chases her around, running backwards with her butt pointing out, mind you, chanting, "Touch my butt! Touch my butt!" Great fun. She is our Joe. Such a teaser...
My scriptures were missing. In all of my house cleaning, which hasn't been done to my satisfaction the past couple of weeks, I found them. They were right in front of my face, but I guess it was that thing where you hypnotize yourself because you see it there so often, it's like it's not there...
I bought a new toy... a Swiffer Vac. I HATE trying to sweep my floors. I HATE EVEN MORE trying to vacuum them with my piece of crap vacuum and the attachment, being hunched-over like I am Quasimoto. It's also great fun to have the vacuum tip over on me from behind and either scratch up my ankle, or scare me to death with it whapping my behind. So, basically, I love my new little Swiffer Vac.
We also had FHE with Mer's family Monday. We all went to Lagoon and had a blast. Kaitlyn, MiKell, and I all rode the Sky Coaster. I'll post pics of that later.. it was SOOOO FUN! I wish Mer wouldn't be such a sissy and do it with me. He got panicky on top of the Rocket... I asked him last night if he was going to attempt wake boarding this year at Powell, he said he doesnt think his body can take it. I kind of amen-ed that one. I want to try so bad, but I worry about getting hurt and being out of commission. He said, "Yeah, I was scared that you were going to get messed up on the Sky Coaster and then I'd be solo." Glad he didn't give me that negativity when I was about to take the plunge!
Peyton is doing the cute eyes-squinted-gummy smile. I love it!
I am looking forward to having and enrichment night tonight and being nourished by the good word of Christie. She's awesome!
Now how was all that for random?