Not a pity party..

Okay, so this is one of those posts where I am pretending that this is my journal, not like I am talking to my friends... but I really am... so I am just writing in my "journal" now, no need for pity...
Talked to mom yesterday. She caught me up on the whole Grandma situation. Grandma has been gradually going downhill for a while now, it just seems to be getting worse. Not eating, wandering in the night, confusion, not remembering things, mumbling incoherently, sleep-like state most of the time, losing a lot of weight...
So Monday, mom went up to clean their house. She had to get grandma up and get her breakfast. She asked her what she wanted to eat and grandma told her one of her breakfast cookies. So mom asked her how to heat it up. That's when grandma told her to cut open the top of the package, and microwave it on high, for two minutes. The microwave promptly began smoking, hence, mom almost started a house fire. Grandpa said that grandma had done it a couple of days before, she can't remember even repetitious daily things. So grandma starts to eat something else for breakfast, something not burned... and starts mumbling. Mom can't understand what she is talking about. She does pick up, "Okay, I'll get out of bed now and go and eat my bread and butter..." Later, after mom took dad to the eye doctor (everything is fine there...) and after Peg has come to see what mom is panicking about, grandma doesn't remember any of it. At dinner, mom has to feed grandma, she can't pick up her fork. She won't even answer questions. She seems to be asleep. She doesn't eat very much and tells mom she is full. Mom didn't argue and let her have dessert, that 's all she is interested in eating. Grandpa is really worried. He doesn't think he'll be able to get her into the house, he lost his leg in WWII... so mom goes home with them, gets them all settled and goes home to gather things to go and stay the night. Grandma has fallen so many times in the night, and grandpa can't help her up. A couple of weeks ago, she got up and fell, he tried to help her up and he ended-up falling too. Mom and dad had to go up and help. This has happened a lot, that mom and dad go and help her get up. So mom goes back to their house, starts getting ready for bed and she can hear grandpa saying their nighttime prayer.
"We are so thankful that we have been able to be together for so many years, to be able to be in our home together. Please bless us that we can be together for just a little longer. Help Maxine that she won't be so confused when she wakes up. Help her to not wander in the night. Bless me that I won't be lame, so I can help her. Protect us from those who would harm us, from thieves..." I am just crying thinking of my sweet grandpa pouring out his heart to Heavenly Father, begging for more time. Even if death isn't close, he doesn't want to be separated, her in a nursing home, him not there... The next day mom makes some phone calls. She had some questions for the man who is over the set-up of the trust account. He tells her to get the funerals planned an paid for, that way, Medicaid cannot get to that money if she does end-up in a nursing home, again. So mom and Peg go and get the funerals all planned and paid for. Mom has also been reading a lot about death, the process of it. She says it's like reading about grandma. The body puts aside physical needs to prepare itself spiritually for what is to come, that explains a lot.
So they got her a spot in an assisted living place. The level of care seems to be not as high as grandma needs. Mom and grandpa don't feel good about it, so they cancel it. They started looking into other options. The next day, they found out that grandpa's VA benefits will help pay if he is there too. So they have their name in at a place, where they can have a suite, together...
So Lynn and I had a talk about what Easter is really about. She understands the Resurrection she gets that. So I felt it was only fair to warn her about what is to come with grandma. I really feel like it will be soon, and I want her to be prepared. So I told her that grandma isn't doing to well. Asked her what will happen if grandma doesn't eat at all, etc. She knows. I ask her what grandma will be like after she has died, "Her body will be all better, she won't hurt, and she'll remember things and not be so tired." So I tell her this will be sad for us because we will miss her, but it is a good thing, she won't have these problems any more. Grandpa will be lonely, but he'll be happy because she will be better. Lynn says that we'll have to go and visit him a lot so he won't be so lonely. Then, she adds, "But what about all the other grandpas?" She is so sweet.
I am so happy that my girls have gotten to know my grandparents, I am sad that Peyton won't know her in this life, but am so thankful for Heavenly Father's plan. I know that it's not the end, she'll know her.