so where should i start?

let’s see..

it’s been about, 5, almost six months?

that sound right?

yeah, well.

i will try to explain. try.

life kind of came apart back in august. I lived for the end of the summer, tried to fill it with fun and perfect everything for my girls, tried me hardest to make every last minute worth it, for me and for them.

with the girls going back to school, I was plenty emotional. like, that is an understatement. I cannot recall a year that was harder on me.

I mean, it’s always hard, and I always miss them, but this first day, I cried more than I think I ever did.

and it didn’t get any easier the next week when this one went to kindergarten.

along with these already anticipated blows, came another unanticipated blow.

my husband decided that he was done with church.

and I decided to keep it a secret until december. awesome christmas gift, am I right?

I really shouldn’t say that it was unanticipated, because, as I look back on it all (you know, because hindsight is always 20/20 and so forth), there were indications, I was just living in denial. it was either denial or an incredible state of hope.

I also started working.

I swore I would never do that as long as I had kids at home, but circumstances being as they were, I desired a) something to fill my time while peyton was gone for half of the day. and 2) I still wanted to be able to receive the blessings of tithing. I need them.

so as life was as it was, I lost all steam to do those things that make me, me.

I stopped scrapbooking.

stopped taking pictures.

stopped exercising.

stopped blogging.

stopped making treats.

(which was actually a very nice pairing to the whole not exercising bit.)

I stopped doing so many of the things that I thoroughly enjoyed, because I was so sad. I felt hopeless. I felt like everything that I had worked for for the majority of my life was falling apart, it wasn’t perfect, and I didn’t want to put this broken mess out there for the world. not for attention, not for pity, I just didn’t have the energy or the desire.

it sucked.

and as I look back on it all, I can recognize a very depressed girl.

I am trying to turn that around.

I am taking time for myself, trying to make time, and desire, to do the things I have always enjoyed.

don’t get me wrong, those voids were filled with some very good things too. as a side effect of my husband’s choice: my testimony is pretty dang awesome. it is going through this fortification process that is amazing. it is awesome to see how my heavenly father is blessing me in every moment.

I have friends, some I have never met in real life, who encourage me. they have NO IDEA what I am going through, but they are there (bugging me to get back at it.. ahem.. missy). I have friends from my past, just show up at just the right time, able to say just what I need to hear, not having a clue the blessing they are to me.

and let’s not get started on family. I have THE BEST. my dad and brothers have been ready to come and help me and my girls when we need the priesthood. my in-laws are wonderful and supportive and loving. my sweet sister-in-law (one of those sweet sisters-in-law anyway) told me back in december that I needed to start blogging again. she said something like, “you aren’t the only woman that is going through this. imagine the strength you can be to them, and them to you.”

I know I am not alone.

I really didn’t intend for this to be a tell-all of the drama in the pitcher house.

I just needed to do it, and stop putting it off.

I have a whole list in my head, all the reasons to wait. take new pictures of the girls.. make a new header.. get a few more project life layouts done. try to think of anything more to say than the despair and sadness I feel so often….

but I'm here.

and it feels pretty darn good.

The right things at just the right time.

 

(Thank you Ally.)

 

“You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you are happy, revel in it. Appreciate the moment.

If you are unhappy; take note. Try to figure out what you are supposed to be learning in this moment.

For each and every moment woven together over time is your life. Each moment matters. Each moment has something beautiful to teach us.”

Perfect, right?  I believe that this can apply to all of us. 

I truly believe that there is no ceiling to our own personal best, I believe that we can go higher, and once we think we’ve hit our best, we go beyond that even. 

We learn during the whole process.

Good or bad.

I like to look back on these last few months, four of them to be exact, as I have been learning a lot, like so much, I thought my head was going to explode.  Now that the fog has lifted, and I see the whole experience with so much more clarity, I can see just what there was to be learned, and what I learned about myself.

Almost as important, I have learned who I can count on and trust, who has helped me learn and grow.

I am thankful to know who I am.  I am thankful to be comfortable and confident again in my own skin.  Most importantly, I have learned that I am just who I am for a reason, and I should never try to change that to please others, I should never abandon myself, who I am or what I believe to try to make a few happy.

Looking back on that time, how I viewed it while walking through it, it was dark and mostly lonely,  from where I sit right now, the future looks bright and beautiful!

So not lonely.

I am Switzerland...

It just seems like the trials keep on coming!
I know that the end of days is here, that things will only get worse until they get better, but it is still so hard to see people that I love so much, hurting so much.
After Peyton's appointment Wednesday, I was feeling so down and worried for her, what might be coming. Then, on Thursday, the rest of my world started to unravel. Mom called asking if I knew anything about the situation with the business. There have been some noises that manufacturing would be shutting down. I was so worried for mom and dad, Joe and Jackie, but at the same time, worried for the rest of my family. The economy is so unstable, feels like the verge of a depression, and when the business is not centered on a necessity, it is scary. I asked Merrill about it, but her really didn't say much. Not a good thing, but he wasn't opening up about it. That same day, Brooke told me about her dad's work shutting down, he's in plywood, and since the building market sucks just as bad as everything else, he will be out of a job soon.
On top of that, Emalee Rausch, who's been trying to get pregnant even before Mer and I were trying for Lynn, had her baby at 22 weeks. He lived for 2 hours. My heart aches for her! She seems so positive, I was there with them when they were sealed in the temple, and I hope that will bring them peace. But at these times, I watch the wheat being sifted before my very eyes. People's faith is being shaken, and some are not standing.
Friday, manufacturing was shut down. It is unknown if it will ever re-open. China kills us. Joe was the one to deliver the hard news to his guys, including dad. He's pretty upset. I have to admit, that I was worried for Merrill's job, Dixon has always said that the warehouse doesn't make him any money... but Merrill still has a job. I feel so blessed, but guilty at the same time.
This is where Switzerland comes in...
It's my dad and mom, my brother and my sister-in-law, nieces and nephew, on one side...
On the other, it's my Father-in-law, my husband...
It seems complicated. I can see both sides, see the truth and the need.. but it's hard.
I needed the temple. We went on Saturday for Dixon's birthday. I felt peace. I still felt the hurt and heartache, the stress, but I felt peace. I know that everything will be okay, eventually. It's that enduring that seems to be the most difficult part.
While at the veil, I knew, that for all to go well with Peyton, she needs to have a Priesthood blessing. I am thankful for that confirmation, the blessing it is to have these moments.
After the temple, my heart broke for Jackie. Joe wasn't going to go get ice cream with the rest of us, and Jackie, being the good wife that she is, stayed by his side, even though it was her dad's birthday, and she wanted to be with her family.
I pray that hearts will be softened.
Yesterday, I was released. It's pretty bittersweet. While I loved it, and will miss it, that stress will be nice to not have to deal with while dealing with the new trials that arise.
I just keep praying for that attitude adjustment. Working with the Priesthood leadership in this ward, is no cake walk. The dis-organization absolutely kills me!
I am excited to see what will come next for me. It is weird to think that this Sunday, I'll have no responsibility. My biggest stress will be packing the diaper bag! i am excited to focus more on my own spiritual development. Teaching my own kids.
I feel such a draw to the temple, like it is so pertinent in my life right now. I pray that Merrill's heart will soften to this, and have a desire to have us go together.
Christie and I went to a Relief Society fireside last night. It was just what I needed. Sacrament meeting was too. "The worth of souls is great"... I needed to hear the messages that were shared. I was feeling pretty low with the way things had gone with Brother Marsh, he left me feeling like I hadn't done the job correctly, or even finished what I was supposed to do. I needed the refill I got yesterday. I was so happy to be reaffirmed about those things I feel are important. Bishop Alexander and Dewey Nicholson came to me after wards, and said such nice things, that made me feel better too.
I just need to strengthen my family for what is to come... we just need to keep on keepin' on!

Flashback Friday...

This is me and my friend Em... this was the day she was sealed to her husband in the temple. It was an awesome day...
Em is going through some trials, that seem gigantic to me, but she sounds like she is doing well... I want her to know that I am praying for her and her husband, for the healing and comfort they need. I also want her to remember, I know she does, what blessings were promised to them when they were sealed to one another for time and all eternity.
Love you Em!!!

I needed this today...

I have said it, just yesterday in fact, but before too... Heavenly Father knows us individually, He knows our needs. He loves us! Whether we pray for what we are in need of or not, He blesses us everyday with what will help us.
Today is no exception.
I hope to post, when all is resolved, what my small struggles are at this particular time in my life, in the life of my family. They are not as great as others struggles and trials, but they are mine.
I am so thankful to great friends who are so attentive to the Spirit. Who do the smallest, most ordinary things, and bless my life, give me encouragement and strength. There are so many of you!!!
Today, I got this from my dear friend, Ally, in my e-mail...
Thanks Ally... I really needed this!

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:


'To My Dear Friend, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're going to love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know...I just did.

Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.

We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

This is one to NOT post...

Well, maybe later...
Today Peyton had her 9 month check up. Everything was fine and normal, until Dr. Sutherland went to check her hip joints. He heard a click.
He kept asking me, "Do you hear that?" Which I did. He kept checking it, repeatedly. Then he proceeded to tell me about hip dysplasia.
Basically, her hip could be out of it's socket. It may be coming and going as it pleases. It might just be a fluke. He believes that it is nothing, but to be safe... we have to go to the hospital for an ultrasound on both of her hips. At first, we were going to have to take her to Primary Children's, I was not so happy about that. But he checked and McKay has a pediatric radiologist now, he started there July of this year (what a blessing!). They need to see if it is hip dysplasia, and if her bones have ossified, or hardened. If they have, she'll need surgery to re-set it. Then there will be possibly traction, then a cast, then a brace. If they haven't, it will be a cast, possibly for six weeks, or until her bones do ossify.
Merrill is worried, as he has every right to be. I am trying to teach him faith, by example, again. We'll put her name in the temple Saturday, mom will tomorrow, and Merrill will give her a blessing before I take her in next week. Not to mention all the prayers...
I have a feeling that it is nothing.
But we have to do this tom ensure it is nothing.
Mom said, "Don't iron your clothes until there are wrinkles in them."
I am worried about my happy, very mobile little girl, and her happiness if she is stuck in a cast for up to six weeks.
Yet, I know, that others have it far, far worse. There have also been others who have gone through this before.. it could be worse...
I worry...
Don't iron the clothes...

Just venting...

Here's your warning:
I am just venting... there are no intended bulls eyes... I am not flinging my words in any certain direction... I am not talking about YOU... I do not intend to hurt feelings... I am not looking for solutions... I am not seeking help... I am not trying to be "Debbie Downer"... This is just how life is right now, I am usually positive, but I just don't feel like being Pollyanna today... I am just venting! So if you don't like it... wait till I update later.
The stress of today actually began long ago. Sunday's are no longer the relaxing, "put all of your cares aside day" like they used to be. Primary is always changing. It would help if they would stop taking away people who like to be in primary, who the kids love... but it changes. It would also be helpful if the people who are called to serve in primary, would simply do what they were called to do, or did what they say they would do.
Yesterday: I find out that teachers will be gone.
Today: I find out that more people were gone with little or no notice. It's great to come to primary and some pretty key players aren't there. Not to mention that the list of names I submitted for callings, A MONTH AGO... still hasn't been dealt with completely. Or that names on said list are no longer available, even though they were once told they could be "mine".
They are also very stealthily trying to take Merrill away from me, like we don't talk?
He's freaked out about that, change... Oh, and after the doctor's appointment yesterday, where THE BEST DOCTOR, DR. CARDON... gave us more information in 3 minutes than we had gotten in one week!!! He told us that the little cyst, needs to be surgically removed... cha-ching$!$
Then I have a music leader who isn't teaching the required songs for the program but then goes on to be huffy when sharing time eats into her music time... they are songs that the kids have sung for x number of years... this is just a review of all those years plus the last 3 weeks. 5 minutes of singing time is not a big deal. I don't think I hid my annoyance very well... Christie heard it in my voice, and I cannot hide my feelings well in my facial expressions... Julie both saw and heard... I hope I got my point across, "You aren't teaching any new songs... these are the same songs from the past few weeks... it's just a review... five minutes will be okay, they are wrapping-up sharing time." She left right after music time in Junior Primary... like she regularly stays for sacrament meeting... and she's supposed to be teaching the kids the gospel in song? But she doesn't stay for the most vital meeting in the Sunday block? Yah.
So then I visit with the counselor over us... that's where I find out that close to nothing has been done, and the names that were once mine, aren't mine any more, apparently there is something much better out there for them than serving in the Primary. Yada yada yada... I zoned out, I couldn't take anymore bad news...
Let me just tie my own noose now...
Mer was in pain, so we stayed to take the sacrament and then go home to medicate, and vent... To only have Julie chasing me down the hall... "Look at this!" The program has the Primary children down to sing a medley of songs... Ummmmm.... we have no chorister (remember, she went home), not to mention nobody told me about this... I would later find out that it was a "select group of children" who were prepared, and they just worded it wrong, well, maybe not wrong, but not in the best, most clear way...
So here I am, half dreading the week ahead...
Everything continues to pile on up, and I am bugged...
This is all I can recollect at the moment, and what I can say politely...
So there ya go.
Did I mention we are thinking of moving?

My finger is numb...

I don't know if it's because of all the pins I pushed today, or because of my carelessness with hot tools, but my finger is numb.
How I wish I had a camera with a charged battery!!! We had a "Presidency Meeting", which came about because some of us had "needs", you know, the stuff you need your girlfriends for. There was some discussion about primary though... we got some cute hair stuff made. Christie "The Hair Accessory Making Genius" Jefferies, showed us the best little headband that enables me to TRIPLE the use of my bows and hair clips... it's awesome. So I spent a major part of my day making all sorts of bows that I can get more use out of. I also had to make another holder for the back of my bathroom door... pictures to come soon, I promise! So, have you ever had a "disconnect" with your hubby? Some point in time where you need to get back on the same track? Mer and I had one of those. It's been piling up, it doesn't help that the business is so busy this time of the year, and all free time is with the whole fam., not just the two of us.. so we had a breaking point that occurred on our camping trip, in front of my WHOLE FAMILY... I am still a little embarrassed that I lost it so... but we are better! Well, at least working at it! Things are good.
I've been getting "love notes" left on my desktop:Peyton has a new "fun thing" she likes to do now, you know, to get our attention, maybe she's bored (I totally know she doesn't do this on purpose... don't leave me comments like I am dumb...) She rolls around in her crib and gets all crazy flailing about until one of her appendages gets stuck in her crib slats. And then she cries or at least yells at us. This makes ANY NOCTURNAL ACTIVITIES (i.e. anything you would do while other children are sleeping) impossible! (I did say we are reconnecting ;)...) You think you have her asleep and all comfy, just a while later, give her ten or more, she's awake and very stuck!
Needless to say, we were tired this morning.

Same Game....

She makes me smile...So you'd think that Sundays are nice and relaxing, right? Umm... not my life these days.
Home life is great. It's that place where you are supposed to be able to go and find peace, refuge, that is making me crazy.
How crazy?
Crazy enough that "my girls" (not MY girls...) and I are planning a Presidency Meeting, really a binge, purge (bad feelings, not the goodies) and unload session...
Geez...
On the comedy home front:
Lynn and Mer got back from their delivery and set-up last night around 8:30 pm. Merrill told Lynn that she did so good, he paid her a dollar, just like his dad did when he was 5 and he helped deliver and set-up trampolines too. They went and got a drink, and he let Lynn pick out a treat, whatever she wanted. She picked a piece of gum... when she hadn't opened it in the truck on the way home, he asked her why not... she answered, "We're not supposed to have teats until after dinner. That's a rule of our house." He was so proud of her.
Later that night, inappropriately enough right before we said family prayers... Mer had said something about money, and I teased him saying what was his is mine anyways. He laughed, "What do you mean?"
Me: "Well I was going to tell you I'd pay you a million dollars to have S-E-X (I spelled it out..) with me, and I'd write you a check... ha ha... joint checking?"
Then Merrill did his annoying, "Ah-Haw Haw Haw..." snooty french snorty laugh...
Then Lynn said: "Why did you spell sex to dad?" She said it, didn't spell it.
Merrill just laughed while I was shocked.
"How do you know that's what I spelled?"
"Why did you say it?"
"To be funny... now tell me that's how you know what S-E-X spells?"
"Family Guy..."
"What does D-O-G spell?"
"I dunno..."
Yup, Merrill has ruined my sweet little girl...

Lofty Aspirations...

Here's the 3 month old...Here's a funny one of her...
See that crazy look in her eye? She's totally gangster, dude... "What? You wanna piece of me?!?", she says...
And this... getting to my post title... THIS is an indication of how my day went... and I had better post about it before it is tomorrow.
So if you have talked to me today (5-13-08) you may want to skim, or you may want to be enlightened as to my shortness and grouchiness...
Yes that is 2 (two) caffeine free Diet Cokes... I am like an alcoholic when it comes to bad days and pop... I need it! ( I don't want it, I just need it, to breath, to fell, to know I'm alive... -TOOL...) I can't always restrain myself.
So...
I got up, got Lynn ready and off to pre-school. Got Ash and Peyton all ready, I was waiting to take a shower after I got Peyton down for her nap which she was going to take after I took the above "3 month old" photos...
Knock-knock...
Surprise!
Visitors.
Me: no make-up, no hair (but a nice greasy mess atop my head...), and pjs...
While they are here, mom comes along...
Surprise! (#2)
So my lofty aspirations of #1- showering and being all ready and decent to go and pick Lynn up from school have been flushed away. Was it rude of me to at least clean my house while they were here? ( which was aspiration #2, by the way...)
Mom went to get Lynn.
She did bring back lunch for all of us. Good thing: I didn't have to argue with the girls what to fix for lunch. Bad thing: Mom wanted to eat outside, with all the kids so they could play and eat... let's just drag out my day more... see, I am still a little grumpy...
Everyone is gone, and my shower is ready to finally begin... oops! Gotta pump, Peyton is asleep, and the ol' milk factory is producing extra these days... Lynn comes upstairs to tell me that Ash has taken a ballpoint pen to one of my CLOTH COVERED SCRAPBOOK ALBUMS.
Aaarrghhh!!!
Hand sanitizer works ok, for future reference, but doesn't take it out completely.
Yeah, I got out of the shower after 3 pm. Started cleaning my house around 4:30ish... My vacuum sucks so bad, it DOESN"T SUCK... so while I am vacuuming my entire bedroom with the hand attachment to be sure to get up all of the lint that bugs me so bad... (red lint on creme carpet...) I notice Ash sitting on the windowsill in their room... her back is pressing against the screen... the bedrooms are on the SECOND STORY.... I get her to get down and explain what "mortality" means... frankly, I have invested too much in this kid (a c-section and kernel removal from the nose...) to have her plunge to her death from a second story window...
So now I need a- a new vacuum, or b- new carpet so my existing vacuum will work correctly, and c- bunk beds, placed away from any windows. If Mer calls me now... this is gonna be one expensive conversation...
Got dinner done! But how hard can turkey sandwiches be???
Got flowers planted, but not all of them...
Still needed to get out to the store to get a project that needs to be done tomorrow, that I found out about yesterday... but Peyton is hungry, and apparently I missed phone calls while out in the yard...
Yeah, that's where the grumpiness kicks in to full gear...
Church stuff...
I wish that leaders would appreciate that I can have revelation too. I have been given stewardship over the Primary, my calling. And they just don't get it...
I do appreciate GOOD FRIENDS who put up with me and help me!!! ;)
But we still have positions to fill, promptings to follow through with, and more families moving away...
So I go to Wal-Mart to get those supplies for that project.... at least I had exact change...
I have my project waiting, my "supplies" to help me get it done, and two missed episodes of CSI on on-demand to help me also...
My vacuum is still waiting for me in the living room.
I don't even want to list what else I had planned to get accomplished for today... and yet I know that so many others have it worse... this is just my kind of crummy though...
See... "lofty aspirations"...

I didn't blog last night, I was a bit too emotional. I found out the source of Merrill's headaches and sleeplessness.... ME! He told me about how stressed he was over having Peyton. He worries about being able to provide enough. He's especially worried about the car situation. I feel so bad. I don't think I can ever fully understand his fears, I am not in his position as a provider. I feel like I am relying on faith here. We weren't sure just how things were going to work out having Ash, but they did! That is the same attitude that I choose to have. We are doing what is right, and we will be blessed for it.

I now understand that when I think he's kidding around and being smart-alecy, that that is his way of expressing his worries and fears without making it such a downer for me. For example: The other night, I brought up how he doesn't talk to Peyton, you know, cutesy stuff, like he did when I was pregnant with Lynn and Ash. His reply, "Well, what am I going to say to her? 'Hi Peyton! I don't know how I am going to provide for you, how I will even pay for your delivery!'" I laughed, because that's how he delivered it, like a joke instead of a real worry. Today was a better day for him. I think that maybe it's because he finally told me how he really feels. I just feel bad that this whole time, I am nothing but excited, making things for her and decorating, going through all of the little girl stuff, just preparing for her, meanwhile, he's stressing-out.

Speaking of stress... Lynn ans Ash both have this cold. Nasty cough, sore throat, and Ash has a gross looking nose. Perfect way to celebrate the holiday, with a humidifier going, plenty use of Kleenex (and hand washing to follow), breathing treatments, and lots of drugs... I can't wait until the froggy/hoarse voices are gone and their sweet little girl voices return!

Good news... We finished quilting Peyton's quilt yesterday! We took it off the frames and I went and got the traditional eyelet lace for the edge! When she is finally here, I plan to bust out my own Strawberry Shortcake quilt from the old cedar chest, and have the girls and I pose for a pic with all of our quilts! I love it!

Ash took her baby everywhere with her today! She carried her around like she was the real thing, talking to her and singing to her. It was so cute. When I asked her what her baby's name was she told me "Peyton". It's funny because Lynn used to do the same thing, name her dolls "Ashley". When we ran a few errands, and the flurries started, Ash started singing, "Baby it's cold outside..." Can you tell who listens to the Christmas music around here?

So here I am. Blogging at a weird time of day... I am so thankful right now! What a load has been lifted off of my shoulders. As Primary president, there is constant change. Last week was full of a lot of changes that kept coming, constantly. I couldn't wait until Sunday was here so it could be over with! Was I wrong... More came. I started to get a sore throat Saturday night. I usually do that when I get stressed-out. Well, after getting home from church almost 2 hours later, I still had the sore throat, and some stress relieved, but replaced by more stress. It was a lot to think about. So after some prayer, I called my, well let's call them my "army of angels", aka. presidency. I okayed with all of them to have a meeting today to get some of this stuff figured out. After all, that is what they are supposed to be there for, counseling... After a night of dreaming about all of this stuff (in Ashley's bed mind you, yep, that too...), stressing, and offering a lot of prayers for help, I woke up this morning, with a clearer mind and my sore throat not as bad, good sign. I decided to make whoopie pies, to make the fact that we were meeting on such short notice go a little better (Jen loves them...). Meeting time. All are here. We get to it, I am so thankful they feel the same way that I do, there's that support, "I got your back" feeling I've talked about before. They affirm the way I feel, they even give me more insight! They are awesome. Change is good. I could only imagine what kind of "help" I would have gotten a month ago...
Oh, by the way, sore throat is gone, just replaced by heartburn, of course.

Stress...
That is the only explanation that I have. It seems that one day, things are crazy, you go to bed, and think, "It will be better tomorrow. Things will get taken care-of." Then tomorrow comes, some things might get fixed, but a whole bunch of other "things" get added. Now imagine three days of it. Not just everyday family home life stuff but church stuff too...
Yeah. I know that tomorrow will be better. I have my awesome army coming to help me work through it all. Oh, and prayer too!
Lynn and Ash are getting even more excited about the upcoming arrival of our little Peyton. They say in their prayers every night, "bless that baby Peyton will come out soon." Then I secretly pray, not too soon! But it's sweet that they are so excited. They talk about things that they want to tell her or do with her. It's funny that my tummy gets more kisses these days than my face!
Ash is doing a lot better with the potty-training. I had a feeling with her that it would take more time. It has.