It just seems like the trials keep on coming!
I know that the end of days is here, that things will only get worse until they get better, but it is still so hard to see people that I love so much, hurting so much.
After Peyton's appointment Wednesday, I was feeling so down and worried for her, what might be coming. Then, on Thursday, the rest of my world started to unravel. Mom called asking if I knew anything about the situation with the business. There have been some noises that manufacturing would be shutting down. I was so worried for mom and dad, Joe and Jackie, but at the same time, worried for the rest of my family. The economy is so unstable, feels like the verge of a depression, and when the business is not centered on a necessity, it is scary. I asked Merrill about it, but her really didn't say much. Not a good thing, but he wasn't opening up about it. That same day, Brooke told me about her dad's work shutting down, he's in plywood, and since the building market sucks just as bad as everything else, he will be out of a job soon.
On top of that, Emalee Rausch, who's been trying to get pregnant even before Mer and I were trying for Lynn, had her baby at 22 weeks. He lived for 2 hours. My heart aches for her! She seems so positive, I was there with them when they were sealed in the temple, and I hope that will bring them peace. But at these times, I watch the wheat being sifted before my very eyes. People's faith is being shaken, and some are not standing.
Friday, manufacturing was shut down. It is unknown if it will ever re-open. China kills us. Joe was the one to deliver the hard news to his guys, including dad. He's pretty upset. I have to admit, that I was worried for Merrill's job, Dixon has always said that the warehouse doesn't make him any money... but Merrill still has a job. I feel so blessed, but guilty at the same time.
This is where Switzerland comes in...
It's my dad and mom, my brother and my sister-in-law, nieces and nephew, on one side...
On the other, it's my Father-in-law, my husband...
It seems complicated. I can see both sides, see the truth and the need.. but it's hard.
I needed the temple. We went on Saturday for Dixon's birthday. I felt peace. I still felt the hurt and heartache, the stress, but I felt peace. I know that everything will be okay, eventually. It's that enduring that seems to be the most difficult part.
While at the veil, I knew, that for all to go well with Peyton, she needs to have a Priesthood blessing. I am thankful for that confirmation, the blessing it is to have these moments.
After the temple, my heart broke for Jackie. Joe wasn't going to go get ice cream with the rest of us, and Jackie, being the good wife that she is, stayed by his side, even though it was her dad's birthday, and she wanted to be with her family.
I pray that hearts will be softened.
Yesterday, I was released. It's pretty bittersweet. While I loved it, and will miss it, that stress will be nice to not have to deal with while dealing with the new trials that arise.
I just keep praying for that attitude adjustment. Working with the Priesthood leadership in this ward, is no cake walk. The dis-organization absolutely kills me!
I am excited to see what will come next for me. It is weird to think that this Sunday, I'll have no responsibility. My biggest stress will be packing the diaper bag! i am excited to focus more on my own spiritual development. Teaching my own kids.
I feel such a draw to the temple, like it is so pertinent in my life right now. I pray that Merrill's heart will soften to this, and have a desire to have us go together.
Christie and I went to a Relief Society fireside last night. It was just what I needed. Sacrament meeting was too. "The worth of souls is great"... I needed to hear the messages that were shared. I was feeling pretty low with the way things had gone with Brother Marsh, he left me feeling like I hadn't done the job correctly, or even finished what I was supposed to do. I needed the refill I got yesterday. I was so happy to be reaffirmed about those things I feel are important. Bishop Alexander and Dewey Nicholson came to me after wards, and said such nice things, that made me feel better too.
I just need to strengthen my family for what is to come... we just need to keep on keepin' on!