I didn't blog last night, I was a bit too emotional. I found out the source of Merrill's headaches and sleeplessness.... ME! He told me about how stressed he was over having Peyton. He worries about being able to provide enough. He's especially worried about the car situation. I feel so bad. I don't think I can ever fully understand his fears, I am not in his position as a provider. I feel like I am relying on faith here. We weren't sure just how things were going to work out having Ash, but they did! That is the same attitude that I choose to have. We are doing what is right, and we will be blessed for it.
I now understand that when I think he's kidding around and being smart-alecy, that that is his way of expressing his worries and fears without making it such a downer for me. For example: The other night, I brought up how he doesn't talk to Peyton, you know, cutesy stuff, like he did when I was pregnant with Lynn and Ash. His reply, "Well, what am I going to say to her? 'Hi Peyton! I don't know how I am going to provide for you, how I will even pay for your delivery!'" I laughed, because that's how he delivered it, like a joke instead of a real worry. Today was a better day for him. I think that maybe it's because he finally told me how he really feels. I just feel bad that this whole time, I am nothing but excited, making things for her and decorating, going through all of the little girl stuff, just preparing for her, meanwhile, he's stressing-out.
Speaking of stress... Lynn ans Ash both have this cold. Nasty cough, sore throat, and Ash has a gross looking nose. Perfect way to celebrate the holiday, with a humidifier going, plenty use of Kleenex (and hand washing to follow), breathing treatments, and lots of drugs... I can't wait until the froggy/hoarse voices are gone and their sweet little girl voices return!
Good news... We finished quilting Peyton's quilt yesterday! We took it off the frames and I went and got the traditional eyelet lace for the edge! When she is finally here, I plan to bust out my own Strawberry Shortcake quilt from the old cedar chest, and have the girls and I pose for a pic with all of our quilts! I love it!
Ash took her baby everywhere with her today! She carried her around like she was the real thing, talking to her and singing to her. It was so cute. When I asked her what her baby's name was she told me "Peyton". It's funny because Lynn used to do the same thing, name her dolls "Ashley". When we ran a few errands, and the flurries started, Ash started singing, "Baby it's cold outside..." Can you tell who listens to the Christmas music around here?