I've got to break up with you..
Goodbye $15, cheap, no good, Wal-Mart special hair straightener... I will not miss you one bit.
Sure, I was desperate when you and I hooked up. I had just gotten a new cut, a short one. The style of it required some flat-ironing, some sass, and you were there. Your price was right, and you were okay. I needed you.
As time went on, I found that much was lacking in our relationship. You weren't as hot as I originally thought you were... you were pretty high maintenance for something I thought would make my life easier. You were not helpful with the little ones! You made their already unwanted time in the bathroom styling their hair even longer. You were just in the way after a while.. you weren't as skinny as others I saw. I did not look forward to the styling process after I would blow my hair out. It was usually a very unpleasant time spent with you after that. You required special product to work at least a little bit, and after that, I felt like I needed to wash my hair all over again! It took a while to get you "in the mood" too.. what a turn off for me. You weren't bright and bubbly, cute and fun to be around. You were quite drab and boring, to be truthful. We had to spend a lot of time to just get the job done, and I didn't want to be around you anymore, so, you've been replaced.
Her name is Pinky, very cute. She's much sleeker, funner to be around, HOT, she doesn't take a fortnight to heat up, she is also very helpful with the wee ones. I don't have to part and section off hair to get each layer to straighten. She's small enough to give us the perfect flip to our ends. She even lets me choose how hot I want it.. I look forward to those days when washing my hair is a must. I look forward to her company, and I don't have to be with her long, but sometimes I wouldn't mind if our time together was longer. I like to do the girls hair now. I am trying to bribe them to come and hang out with us.. I didn't want them to know you. You are like a bad friend who brings everyone down.
By far, this is one of the loveliest Christmas gifts ever! The only thing that might beat it out would be this:
A Dyson. A Dyson Animal to be downright specific..
My vacuum sucks so bad, it DOESN'T SUCK.. it is the only task that I loathe more than doing hair. (That is with cleaning up vomit, scrubbing toilets, and even Merrill's warehouse urinal included..) it will one day meet up with you in the landfill.. where you can reminisce together about how you two pieces of crap had it so godd when you didn't deserve it..
I know it wasn't as cheap as you were... but well worth it!
Merry Christmas, AND a HAPPY HAIR STYLING NEW YEAR(S) to ME!!
**(hint, hint Mer.. my birthday is in 21 days.. I will gladly take a belated birthday gift after we get our income tax return back :) I will also save my Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupons to help.. Love ya!)*