Pretend like you're not here...

This is one of those, "this is my journal now" posts.
So, consider yourself warned... here comes some TMI, over-share, yet pretty funny personal stuff... so if you want to hear about my hilarious (i.e. non-existent) sex-life, read on!
But if you are grossed-out thinking about the two, me and that (that is for all of you "Twilight"readers out there...), then you might just want to stop reading...... Yup, Katie and Kells... Katie especially, you might not want to hear (or read) it... it's not graphic or anything... but a good time to stop might be...
NOW.
And come visit me another time. I'll warn you in further posts when such over-share is present with XXX next to the post title...
So here goes...
I document only to laugh later, make Mer blush, and to maybe hold it over his head for a little while, and to maybe make you laugh too, and get some girlfriend support... oh, and cause I am pretending this is my journal...
In case you haven't been a regular visitor, I have had a baby within the last three months. In other words, my body isn't pregnant, but is soft in some spots... namely my middle. For some reason, my wonderful husband is not interested in me in the least. I have given him a hard time about it, teasing him to no end. I have recently asked him if he has switched teams on me. Here's the TMI/over-share... 7... yup, months... you think a guy would die! But not my Mer, he must be some different form of superhero, cause he don't care...
I asked him about it right after my six week appointment, which when I brought up the appointment he said, ''What do you need to go back for? Is everything okay?"
I answered, "It is the SIX WEEK APPOINTMENT... you know, when we get the big OK..." not like we waited for that before...
"Oh." yeah, see the interest, feel the raging testosterone??? Yeah, neither did I.
So after the appointment, I told him all about the IUD the awesome Doc. installed (funny way to put it...), he just looked at me. He asked, "Is it going to work?"
"More effective than the pill." My form for our whole married life.
He still freaks out a little. I read him the pamphlet of info, trying to get him to be less freaked-out. He freaked when we were first married too, he wasn't ready for parenthood. I had to remind him that I got pregnant only when we planned it.
I still feel sorry for the poor guy. Those three times, 4 months total when we tried, he knew
I genuinely wasn't interested in HIM, rather that I was ovulating... I am such a user...
So he wasn't interested after the big "OK". No biggie. I kinda wasn't either. I just thought he would be chomping at the bit, so to speak.
A week or so passed. I asked him again, since he hadn't brought it up.
Here's how our conversation went, how I wish I had video, or some way to re-enact it for you at this time... I still giggle...
Me: "So are you that unattracted to me now?" kidding, of course.
Him: "Shut up! No, it's not that."
Me: "Then what?"
Him: "It's just... (he circled the air around his crotch with his hand) I've heard the word tear too much, and you are a feeding station right now... It's not quite there for me yet..."
Me: "...", oh forget he quotation marks, I was just laughing at him!
So time goes by, nothing changes. I try to get him interested, which makes him just go somewhere else. That's around the time that the homosexual comments came into play. It was really rather funny to me.
Now he doesn't say much. He did say that things weren't back to normal yet.
He said, "You're still in your maternity clothes."
Me: "?????" that's what my face said... my mouth said, laughing, "I have been out of my maternity clothes for months!"
Doofus: "Well, there's just nothing 'sexy' going on around here."
I can only laugh at him, wondering what his idea of "sexy" is now...
While watching an episode of "Family Guy" late one night last week, he mad a comment...
Now, I have to give some info., because I know that most of you do not watch this horribly evil and corrupting show, although I do seem to giggle every now and then when I happen to be listening... Peter (main character) is married to Lois. Peter has two friends, Brian (the family dog) and Quagmire (next door neighbor). Both happen to be totally in lust with Lois (remember, wife)... on to the comment...
Mer: "I wish I had friends like Quagmire and Brian, they are so funny..."
Me: "I wish you did too, because then SOMEBODY would be interested in me! (I am laughing so hard...) You can't get all upset about that one Mer.... You walked right into it!"
Whenever someone starts talking or getting all romantic like, or when we took care of Sophie when she had just had her kittens, I tease him, "what does that mean?" or "why are those two people kissing?" or "how did Sophie get pregnant in the first place?" acting like it has been that long and I have forgotten... I love to rib him.
It frustrates me that he won't tell me what he thinks. Maybe he is afraid to tell me what he really thinks, afraid that the postpartum hormones will finally rear their ugly little selves... I wish I had an "Edward" (another "Twilight" insider...) around to read his mind and tell me what my crazy husband, now more like roommate, is thinking...
I have decided that when I am all hot and skinny again, or when he decides he likes me, again, which ever comes first... I am going to tell him, "Tough luck bucko..." that is if I can hold out... I am a Mayes after all...
But then I can see his point... when all is quiet and dark in our house, one of the kids is bound to get up, or we are just beat, or I am reading ;)... it's just not happening... last night Ash was crying in her sleep, having night terrors, I think. If my sweet hubby actually were interested in me again, Ash might have had something to be really scared of... the other soft spot I have, at the base of my back, above my knees...