Sunday, December 2, 2007

This morning while in the tub, I heard Ashley talking to herself. She said: "Why do I lub (love) myselp (myself) so much?" I just had to laugh because it sounded so vain! Then it got me thinking... Self worth.
I kid around so much about "my condition", i.e. pregnancy, and how Merrill is so not attracted to me, his comments ("you look like Homer in that episode when he wore a mumu"), and mine too... For an example on a comment I've made about myself, yesterday, while playing outside in the snow, Merrill threw a snowball at me. It ended up going down my shirt. I asked him what I did to deserve that. He answered with, "Sorry, I was aiming for your butt." My response: "How could you miss that?"
Back to the point... I feel comfortable kidding around and sharing every mundane detail because I really do feel sure about myself. Pregnancy and all. I can get a little homesick for my non-prego state every once in a while, like when I catch a glimpse of my old clothes, old pictures, okay they're not old, just not present... I remember this fall, feeling really homesick when Brooke tried on a really cute pair of jeans from Old Navy... She ended-up not keeping them, she said they just didn't look right on her, I told her how jealous I was... They had waist!
I feel really blessed thinking back on a time in my life when I didn't have much confidence. When I felt worthless. Funny, it was when Merrill entered my life that I began to feel a different way. His pokes and little comments don't bother me, mine don't either. I know of some wives who would run away in tears, humiliated and offended. Usually we both start laughing so hard over it, there are tears! I know how much he loves me, no matter what. But more importantly, he has helped me to love myself, and how to rely on one who's opinion matters most to me. Not what everyone else thinks. Besides, I only have, like, 2... 2 and half more months to go...

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