Kernels...Oh, yeah...Happy New Year!!!

Don't bag on my simplicity... I am okay with it... After you read this latest saga, you'll appreciate it too...

So, around 3:30 pm today, I sit down to scrap my daily layout, you know, to get it done so I can party the night away, well at least until 10 or 10:30...

Ashley comes into my craft room as soon as I settle in with my caffeine-free Pepsi and some dark chocolate cordial cherries... yum... and tells me that she has a popcorn kernel up her nose. Great. I look. Yup, sure enough, there it is.

I try to massage it down, as it is not far up there. She starts to laugh. I stop her. I turn her upside down, it worked for Christie... She starts to laugh more. I turn her right side up, and try to get her to blow. In Ashley speak, apparently "blow" means "sniff". Not good. I send Merrill up to get the nose aspirator, thinking that somehow I can keep Ashley frozen so the kernel doesn't migrate upward further. He's back. I'm getting boogers, no kernel. I try to get it out with tweezers, too big, just pushing it. It does make her sneeze... no kernel though, just spray.

So I resort to plugging-up the clear nostril, covering her mouth, and sucking on the plugged nostril. Nothing. So I keep the clear nostril pinched, uncover the mouth, and keep the plugged one open, and blow through the mouth. Still, nothing.

We get the flashlight to see the location of the kernel. Prognosis not good. We take her upstairs. Merrill gets out the vacuum, I get on the phone.

1st call: My nurse Jen, I ask if she has any ideas, already tried her ideas. Ask her about Instacare hours, will they be open still? Yes, great... CO-PAY... and a bill later, but mostly put out because we will have to enter a germ-filled atmosphere (sarcastic whoopeee...). Merrill is trying to vacuum it out of her nose. I go to help, phone rings... Jen: "Did you try Christie? Nathan has done this, maybe she has some other ideas..." 2nd call, Christie... Randy answers. Christie's not there! Ask him for suggestions. He says to try making her sneeze. Already tried that, she sneezed three times, nothing. He tells me the name of their ENT. Merrill has the vacuum going again... 3rd call: South Ogden Instacare... hours Monday through Friday, 9 am to 9 pm. I'm off to get shoes. The vacuum shuts off.

Ash and I are out the door. We get out of the car and Ashley asks, "Where are we?"

I answer, "The place where we'll get the kernel out of your nose, and pay out of ours to get it out..."

We check into Instacare at 4:15 pm. Tell the receptionist about our predicament, get a couple of chuckles... I notice the white board, "Instacare wait 2 HOURS." I ask if that is accurate. Yes... Ash and I find a seat, far away from all the sick people, people with problems that I do not want to inherit. There is a nice big TV with a movie playing, too close quarters for my taste... We settle in. I have NOTHING... But I do call Merrill to tell him about my exciting afternoon ahead! I get out a little notebook and start drawing things that she is familiar with and make her guess. She's good at this... That goes on for a while and then she has a turn drawing. We then go through a "Good Housekeeping" magazine, page-by-page, and look at all of the pictures. Then we play I-spy.

The whole time I am quizzing her about what we put in our nose. In case you are on the edge of your seat, waiting for the answer, it's nothing.

Soon she starts to get the bored giggles, but our turn waiting is almost up. I am trying to keep her from snorting. I don't want to make the situation worse.

A door opens... "Ashley..." Hallelujah!!!

She is good as gold as the nurse weighs her, takes her temp., checks her blood oxygen level... we wait only a couple of minutes before the Doctor comes in.

He looks. "It is really far up there. We'll have to go to a room with better light to get a better look at it."

We go there, and he tries this tweezer/nostril spreader combo. He can't get it, it's too round. He tries another flat-nosed tool. Still, no luck. He tells me he'll have to call the ENT on call and ask for more ideas to try, if they don't work, we'll get to stop in and see him... As he's leaving the room, I tell Ash that we just might have to go home and make the vacuum work. I am not paying to see a specialist at this point, on top of the Instacare visit. He turns around and says, "What did you say about a vacuum?... I have a mild suction device that might work." He goes to get it, and I PRAY...

Here's the attempt... I am pinning her down (she is crying at this point), a nurse is holding the light, he has the nostril spreader and the suction thing going, it is coming!!! He uses the tweezers to get it out the rest of the way and there it is... geez... Thank you's for all. Wipe a few boogers and some blood, that will help her to never do it again...

As I am putting on Ashley's coat and hat, she says, "That was terrible!" I burst into laughter. She's not amused.

As we get into the car, she asks if she can have more popcorn when we get home. I tell her she can, if she promises me something.

"Can you guess what I want you to promise me?"

"To not put the kernels up my nose..."

Smart kid, now. We get home at 6:25 pm.

So don't bag on my simplicity tonight. I don't want to hear it...

Oh Yeah, here's the kernel... like the little bit of blood too?...