Friday, April 9, 2010

What it all comes down to.

I saw a version of this on this blog, and loved the thought.

So I made my own version of it, for my own use and purposes. :)

best button

It seems that all my thoughts lately have been consumed with all the stuff that is blogging.

Blogging, to me,  is a blessing.

Forgive me if what I ramble on about and say is redundant, something I may have said before, something that means the same thing I just said, something I have said in an earlier post..  do I sound like “Lady Redundant Woman” yet?  But seriously, this just seems to be what it is all coming to lately.

Last weekend, as I was listening to talk radio, they had a panel of women who were discussing different issues that are going on right now.  One of those issues was “Mommy Blogging”. 

One of the panelists, a blogger, listed all the reasons she blogs.  She also listed many reasons why other women stop blogging, stop reading blogs, and generally have fallen into a pit of negativity.

It is absolutely true what she said about the issue, some of it summarized here: 

People, women especially, put only their best foot forward.  The rest of the world only sees what they show, the good stuff.  They don’t see when the house is messy, or when they lose their patience and yell at the kids.  They don’t put that out there.  It makes some women feel that their lives aren’t as good as others.  There is an air of competition that is unhealthy.

We do put out the best of what we have to offer.  Why would we air our “dirty laundry” for the world to see, and judge us by?

I also look at this in a different way.

Before blogging, the girls could have done something totally exasperating, which in effect would make me lose my patience, and thus, affect the remainder of my day. 

After becoming a blogger, I would look for the humor in the situation.  My kids got beat less (totally kidding), as my first instinct was to run and grab the camera, because posts with pictures are SO much more interesting.. ;)  but really, it has had a positive effect of me, how I react to what happens in life.

The shenanigans still take place, my reaction to them is different, it’s better.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have “those days” where things don’t go as smoothly, where I feel a case of the blahs, and I feel like all is lost.  I wail,and weep, and wring my hands.

I usually don’t post on those days, or I don’t post anything publicly. 

Sometimes it is just too personal, I don’t want to share, other times, as I know I have said before, I am afraid of being judged.

Kind of sad considering that this is my venue to say what I feel.  Would you possibly believe that I received an email, someone telling me that what I choose to blog about is wrong?  That I should only post about my kids, what they are doing, what they say, pictures of them, that my personal life has nothing to do with blogging.  Weird, I know.  I still can’t believe it.  But then I was later accused of not mentioning my husband enough..  who is this Merrill guy that I mention so much?  Must check into that one..

But I truly feel bad for those who look around, and then feel the plague of negativity, feel like they are lacking, or because they do “that one thing”, or maybe they do and they do it differently, it somehow isn’t good enough.

Or it could be the other way around.  Maybe we feel the negativity because we see or read something that makes us think, “Really?!  How could they do that?  Why would they do that?  I do that better..”  or my personal favorite: “I did it first.”

It is human nature and seems to be about 100 times more potent as a woman, that we have that knee-jerk reaction to judge.  I have pegged myself many times in the face with my own knee because my knee-jerk-reaction time is FAST.  I hate that about me.  I try to do better at NOT doing it every day.  It is hard.

I saw the above thought yesterday, and again, it was like it was just for me!

I need not compare myself to anyone else.

I do what I do for me, not for the praise of others, not to get a pat on the back, not out of competition, and I certainly don’t do it for the negativity I am sometimes met with.  It needn't always be a negative comment, sometimes it is all about the way people treat me. 

Now maybe I am just assuming, but I am not stupid either.  Just as human nature is, people will do things to send a message, and I get them, loud and clear.  I am kind of a blonde, I don’t always immediately see when someone is TRYING to offend me, I usually take their comments or reaction to be mere stupidity, insensitivity, or even sarcasm.

This morning while folding my laundry, Merrill called and was quite frantic, “Turn on the TV to channel 5.”  

With him it could be anything; political, a breaking news story, something local that we are excited about, a clown..  anything.  But as the today show came on, with the topic of “The Dark Side of Mommy Blogging”, I was thankful for him.

You see, when I don’t write about it, I am talking about it to him, or to others who love me and support me, might not always agree, but are always supportive.

Just another thing, another blessing (can you believe I am calling the “Today Show” a blessing?) in my life, some direction and guidance to something that is weighing quite heavily on my mind at this particular time.  I was thankful that I was able to stomach Ann for that short period of time to glean some valid information.

Just a few points that they brought out in the segment:

1. Blog with integrity.  Integrity to me,  means that you would say, or do, the same thing consistently, no matter who happens to be with you.  It is being true to yourself.  Blogging with integrity is something that I posted about before, but didn’t phrase it that way.  Blogging with integrity means so much more to me than the way I said it earlier.  Darn the power of the right words!

2. Be prepared for backlash.  I know that not everybody will be tossing roses and blowing me air-kisses, but blogging is all about individuality, and supporting each other.  We can disagree about words, but we needn’t be mean, or personally attack or tear each other down.  We are women, we are awesome!  Can’t we just support each other?  Sheesh!

3. When one of those “trolls” (that is what one of the pros called those people who leave mean comments, and I love it!) come around, IGNORE THEM.  If you pay them no attention, they have no purpose in coming around.

I know that this isn’t the most important aspect of life.  There are so many more pressing issues out there, but when it is something that I enjoy doing, and have for a while now, when it as something that happens to be important to me, it tends to take up some of my thought process.  Just a little bit.

Just thought I would share a few things that have helped me out, encouraged me to continue on and be just who I am, and do the best I can.  Whether you like it or not. ;)


Ally's Corner said...

I saw the same saying and loved it. I understand about being judged blogging it happened to me when Phil was out of work. I was not allowed to have the feelings I did I was to negative about his job loss, really!! I love your blog always have no matter what.

Gary Boyle Family said...

Oh, bummer- I posted my really long 'two cents' worth, and it got deleted when I was trying to post it...

But, hey- it was only worth the 'two cents' so I guess I won't worry about it. :)

Mindy said...

I LOVE really long two cent worth comments! RE-POST!! ;)

Rachael said...

For the first time I do agree with you on this issue. Though I have never really had to deal with negativity from any thing I have posted on my blog. I know friends who have. "Troll" is a nice name for those people that go around and leave mean comments.

I hope you know that when I leave you comments it's NEVER to be mean. I am only trying to be friendly, or give advise, just like I would expect any friend to do the same for me.

Wow... that was a long post. :) It's been so long since I've had a good online read.

Six-Pack Momma said...

Well said, Mindy!

anniebobannie said...

Love the thoughts and the saying! Love you and your blogging and you can always say whatever you want in my opinion! Tell those Trolls where to go!

Gary Boyle Family said...

LOL! Okay, here is somewhat my ‘Two-Cents’ contained. (It’s never really quite right the second time around. LOL)

I LOVE Bloggers. I love the Bloggers that ‘tell it like it is’ and I love the ones that really shouldn’t even be called ‘Bloggers’, who should be called something like, ‘Internet Scrap Bookers’ (like me), who only put the highlights of their lives. (The phrase ‘Internet Scrap Bookers’ seems to make sense to me since I have seen very few hardbound scrapbooks that have people’s trials and tribulations in them.) :) No matter what kind of Blogger, I love reading blogs and (more than anything), feeling that through some small way, I am apart of that person's life, too. That seeing these small glimpses into their life, makes me feel connected to them.

For Bloggers, I think there is something empowering about people CHOOSING to read what you have to say. (We all run into people in public who you know give polite courtesy nods and act interested in what you have to say, when they really could care less.) With blogs, people are there by choice. They are there to read what you have to say. They want to be there- and that is cool.

(With the ‘Trolls’, instead of them putting all their time into leaving mean comments, they should take that time and put it toward improving THEIR lives, and making themselves less insecure. They would be A LOT happier people.)

And last, I feel blogs are your own personal space. It is your right and privilege to do with it whatever you choose! And I hope everyone does! ;)

Anyway, thanks to all of you! Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your life.

Happy Blogging!

Mindy said...

Thank you Melissa! I love it all!! There is a reason we were friends since childhood. :) I love "internet scrapbookers". Kinda love you too. ;)

kdance10 said...

Oh my gosh mindy, i have had a struggle lately with the hole blogging thing, my grandpa and step grandma have been giving me crap so much lately telling me it's so unsafe. I was totally bugged one day to tears. They said" well if your doing it for us don't bother" Well trust me it's not for them, It's for me and my kids only. people who care enough to take 5 minutes and read what i have written for the day great how nice, especially if they want to leave a comment about it, but if it's a rude comment honestly keep it to yourself. I have only recieved one rude comment( so far) mindy i love all your posts and love reading all about them. Maybe one of my next posts will be about my messy house:)

Rachel said...

Fabulous post.

I lead many Bible studies and I'm constantly telling the women that we don't have time to wear "masks" and keep up the facade. Life is messy. It's not perfect. Many times it is more encouraging to read an "I'm struggling, but I'm still going to keep on trying" type post versus the "I've got it all together" post. Honesty and realness are powerful.

And I agree about blogging changing the lens of your world. It's changed mine. I see things in the everyday, ordinary life that I think prior I might have missed.



Emalee said...

I pretty much open on my blog. Some things I have choosen to keep to myself and ony because I don't want to be judged. I blog for me, its a way to let my feelings out. Otherwise I would keep them all inside. Thank you for sharing this. I love reading your blog and can't believe you get negative comments. I have yet to get one. I am glad I have not had one yet too. Anywho!!! Thanks
love ya

Tiffany said...

Thank you! I needed to read this today and all the comments that came with it too. :)

Bonnie said...

That was GREAT! thanks for posting!

Misha said...

Sometimes, I wish that Blogspot or Blogger had a like button, like Facebook because I def. like this blog. :)